I feel so lonely..(8 Posts)
I feel so lonely..
I'm 19 and I'm 6 months pregnant. I moved out of my parents house about a year ago with my now fiancé due to conflict with my parents. My parents are very old school conservatives so when I found out I was pregnant I knew they wouldn't like it at all I was pregnant once before but my mom persuaded me to have an abortion, I now know I made the right decision I was 17 and very naive, it would have been unfair to the child to keep it, but the second time around I knew this is what I wanted and nobody would change my mind.. My mom eventually came around to the idea but my dad is still not talking to me, I went around to their house for dinner once after I moved out and it was like nothing changed. He was still the same and just pretended like I wasn't pregnant. I think he just felt like he needed closure after quite literally pushing me out the door and chucking all my belongings on the front garden..I forgave him for this because quite frankly I was a little shit at times..
I have an older sister who is 26 this April, she's marrying a much older man and I personally believe it's because of the financial stability he gives her..but that's another story all together! She doesn't have any children of her own. So I told her I was pregnant and she said she would be by my side no matter what! A few weeks down the line I tell my parents and they are slowly accepting it in their own way and she wants nothing to do with me. She didn't speak to me for weeks and I finally confronted her about her behaviour and attitude and she then blames her absence from my life on the fact she thinks I'm selfish for having this baby and myself and my fiancé are naive and won't give this baby the best in life..this broke my heart as I felt like was really doing well and sorting everything out that needed to be sorted. I was hurt because she said she would be there and she wasn't and she still isn't!
I keep to myself a lot and I don't have any long term friends as I've moved to two different countries over 10 years and lots of different cities and towns so it was hard to make any long term friends! I have the few that chat on Facebook but nothing real.
My fiancé is great, actually he is the best man I've ever met in my life. He's tall handsome and has a heart of absolute gold! I really couldn't wish for a better man to raise my son! He's a civil engineer so he doesn't really have set work hours so he's working a lot and at odd times so it's hard to plan or spend much time together, we're always together when he's not working but sometimes I feel he's not really there, he's usually so tired from the shift before I get a good 2 hours with him then he's asleep!
I lost my job 15 minutes after I found out I was pregnant..talk about serious mixed emotions at that time! I was devastated but I then realised it was blessing in disguise as I was really struggling with the long hours. I was a home carer for a family that didn't appreciate my time or efforts. I was tired when I came home I just went to sleep sometimes days without a shower because I was so mentally drained with being 18 and getting kicked out, having all this responsibility and independence literally dropped on me like a tonne of bricks..I'm surprised I didn't have a huge meltdown but I was just so numb at the time I probably didn't even have time for a melt down! So that happened and I was going to try and get another job as I was still very early..as time went on I liked just being at home and doing house wife stuff.. it was a novelty for me to be a house wife at the time I wasn't a very good one but I still liked the fact I could have all my morning sickness in the comfort of my own home!
So I'm 6 months now..my fiancé is working a lot and I'm just so alone.. I have nobody, my parents and my sister are on a weekend away this weekend and of course I was invited. I tried to meet up with another mom but she obviously used her little as an excuse not to see me as I saw her later that day out on Instagram..I literally feel so sad and lonely, I don't really have anybody to talk to except for my dog and fiancé but I don't want to annoy him with my troubles..sometimes I'll be lying on the sofa and I'll just pray to god to do the right thing for me and if the right thing is for something to happen to my little growing boy then so be it. I obviously feel horrible after having such thoughts but having the freedom to go to work and still look sexy sometimes seems a lot more appealing then a baby.. I already love him with all my heart but I can't help but feel lonely and maybe not being pregnant would be best for me..I can't wait for my son I really can't but I'm so sad and lonely and I feel incredibly down..
I just needed to get this all my chest and I must admit I still feel like shit..if any body had been through something similar or have advise that might help me get through this time I would appreciate it.
Thank you for reading.
Do you go to any groups where you can meet new friends near you? Your midwife might be able to suggest something for you! I'm always hear if you want a chat, don't know how far away you live from me but I'm always on my phone! I know what you mean though, I barely have anyone to talk to outside of work
Hello. Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm sorry you're feeling so alone. I'm 35 weeks pregnant and felt like I was the only pregnant woman in the world! I joined a local Facebook group for mums and posted a message asking if anyone local with babies/pregnant wanted to meet up.
I got quite a few responses and we set up a WhatsApp group. We've met a few times and it's been great. The other mum's are all different ages and backgrounds.
I also signed up for some antenatal classes with the NCT (National Childbirth Trust). There were 7 of us in the group and for all of us the main reason for going was to make friends with others due around the same time. We've been out a few times and hopefully these groups will last long after our babies are born. (My MIL's best friends are people she met on an NCT course 30 years ago!)
Maybe you could do something like this?
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Speak to your midwife about how you are feeling as she may be able to help.
Do you have any children's centres or surestart centres in your area? We have one here that runs a group especially for young mums, it might be worth finding out if there is anything similar you could join? You could meet people who are a similar age but also with/expecting babies.
There is also a website called mummy social (not sure of address but should come up on Google) It's free to join and you can find details of other mums/mums to be/get togethers etc near you.
Sorry you feel like this...agree with above. Look at going to mum socials or meeting people at prenatal classes. Have you booked onto any? Have you thought about telling your parents how you feel? There may be a possibility you are suffering from prenatal depression so I would speak to your midwife
Bless you. I was married at 19 and remember the sudden responsibilities of running my own home and being a wife. I had my first when I was 22 so quite a young mum really. It's a daunting time being out of work and I can remember once on my maternity leave (I haven't been back to work since and that was nearly 10 years ago now!) feeling quite lonely and isolated. I'm glad you've got a good supportive husband. I expect once the baby is here your parents will come round.
You've got so much ahead of you - your whole world will change once your little one arrives. So many exciting times ahead, trust me.
Do something nice for yourself every day. Go for a stroll around the shops, have a bubble bath, treat yourself to a manicure/pedicure, go out to a cafe for tea and cake etc...
See if there are any local baby groups on Facebook - you could post re meeting up with other pregnant ladies in your area?
Where abouts do you live (without being too specific)? Perhaps some ladies on here live nearby and could arrange a get together?
It will be easier when baby is here to meet other mums at baby groups (You may have a local postnatal group, there are often local surestart groups like baby music, baby massage etc too).
Wishing you all the best and hoping you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy xx
I was going to ask if you are happy to give vague location too. Im in West Sussex.
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