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Smoking grandparents

(6 Posts)
beansbananas Fri 10-Mar-17 07:28:11

I'm due to give birth for the first time in a few weeks. The question I wanted to ask is what to do about my parents who both smoke in their own house, once the baby arrives. Obviously we all know smoking is bad, but they are set in their ways and have never been persuaded to give up and I don't see this changing now. My father is actually very ill and immobile, and says it's one of the few pleasures in life he's able to enjoy as he can't leave the house. I grew up in a smoky home with them and hated it, so have tried to minimise my bumps exposure to the cigarette smoke during pregnancy. But what do I do after the birth? I want my parents to have a relationship with my baby, but don't know how to protect them from the smoke. I know they won't smoke directly in front of the baby, but what about if it is sleeping in another room in the house? When my husband and I come home after staying with them, I always have to wash all our clothes immediately. I just don't think it's fair to expose my baby to this. But equally there will be no other way for my dad to meet them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

HeteronormativeHaybales Fri 10-Mar-17 07:36:07

MIL is a heavy smoker and smoked in her flat (she's moved now and only smokes outside). I just didn't take my dc there, with very rare exceptions, until they were 2ish, and even then limited their time there. Even though she wouldn't have smoked directly around them, third-hand smoke is dangerous. We even severely limited her contact with the babies elsewhere, as she wouldn't have been happy with washing her hands/changing jumpers etc.

I do understand about your dad, and it is very sad, but I just think babies' health has to come first. Smoking is a horrendous habit. We'll look back on it with utter horror one day (I hope).

Lunalovepud Fri 10-Mar-17 07:46:42

It is a tricky situation OP... Obviously it is important for your dad and baby to meet and spend time together. Would your parents agree not to smoke in the house while you were there?

You are not being precious about this - the risks of smoking around infants are well documented. When I was PG was DC1, DH banned my chain smoking mother from smoking around me when we went to stay (unavoidable - they live miles and miles away and there is no way she would have listened to me) and she was surprisingly good about it.

Since DC1 has been born she won't smoke in the house when we stay and when she does smoke outside, she has a top she wears which she takes off afterwards and washes her hands before holding him.

In the end it comes down to you to decide what's acceptable for you - if you don't feel that their place is a safe environment for your baby because of the smoking then don't go there with baby... It'll be an unpopular choice in the short term but the decision on whether to smoke or not isn't yours - it's theirs. It's their responsibility to decide what is more important - smoking, or airing out their house and not smoking for an hour so they can see their grandchild.

Good luck with everything.

Lunalovepud Fri 10-Mar-17 07:48:11

Also I should add that I am an ex-smoker (not the fanatical kind though!) and used to smoke 20 a day so I know for an absolute fact that it is not impossible to go for an hour without a smoke.

ILikeSalmon Fri 10-Mar-17 07:51:11

I'm in a similar situation
My DH dad smokes like a chimney (sadly his wife died last year and that's all he does now)
When my two kids go there they stink when they come back.
Due a new baby in 2 weeks and I don't want her being in the smoky house sad
I can't say anything to DH as I think he will not see my side given what happened to his mum.
Don't know how to keep the baby away

SuperUnicorn Fri 10-Mar-17 13:08:03

My FIL is a heavy smoker, his house stinks. We won't be going inside and he won't be looking after the baby. We are fortunate though that we live very close and so he can still see us by either coming to our house or seeing him outside on the farm where we all work. How far away do they live? If a visit means an overnight stay I would personally book into a premier inn or something, with or without a baby I wouldn't like to sleep in a smokers house. Might mean you visit them less due to the cost but I wouldn't find it at all pleasant otherwise.

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