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Just not ready for a baby yet!

(16 Posts)
user1485276096 Thu 02-Mar-17 23:35:17


I'm 26, married for 2 years to my husband who is due to turn 30 by the end of this year.
We rent at the moment but are looking to buy a house by the summer.

everyone always asks us ' so when are we having a baby' or oh ' he's turning 30 soon you best 'crack on' ' but my answer is always - IM NOT READY!

I'm just really not - I'm a very young 26 and still feel like a teenager to be honest with you with just some adult responsibilities. Our life generally at the moment is either going out having a good time with friends, me spending my wages on clothes and just generally enjoying each others company and having a laugh. I'm honestly happy just the way we are right now with going to concerts and having an awesome time.. but then I'm made to feel strange or bad by our friends / family and some outsiders to why we don't want a baby right now or why we don't have one already - theres a huge sense of pressure and I hate it as I know we are not mature enough / don't have enough money / aren't in the right frame of mind to have a baby yet.

I have so MUCH more i want to do in life FIRST before I have a baby - I'm currently self employed and loving it - we have a holiday booked for next month - we are honestly just enjoying our life together just us two so much.

I'm not sure if anyone else feels like this but there must be someone out there?! As I just feel swamped by people who keep asking me the question or just asking when its going to happen...

PurpleDaisies Thu 02-Mar-17 23:38:06

There are lots of us who have the question for all sorts of reasons.

I've found the best tactic is my best teacher glare with "did you mean to ask such a personal question?" which usually shuts them up. It's no one's business apart from yours and there are loads of reasons why it would be upsetting to be asked.

Cuppaqueen Fri 03-Mar-17 01:01:38

I totally felt the same as you! I wouldn't have even considered having a baby until my early 30s and in fact, delayed it right up to 37. Used the time to enjoy being with my husband, travel (a lot), establish a career, buy a house etc - so now we are finally having a baby, we've no money worries or anything like that. I also feel personally ready for a change of lifestyle after essentially 20 years of adult freedom.

Don't feel pressured. Time is on your side. Ignore the questioners or just say you want to enjoy being a couple first - there's no rush to have a baby until you really want one.

Sparklyuggs Fri 03-Mar-17 06:49:14

I met my DH at 22, married at 37 and pg at 30, baby is due the week after I turn 31. DH is four years older. I'm glad we waited as we travelled a lot, bought a house, progressed our careers and generally did our own thing. Money isn't everything but it's a nice feeling not to be panicking about affording maternity leave as we planned for it.

I was mindful that fertility doesn't last forever, bit at 26 you should have plenty of time assuming no health conditions etc.

Timefor2 Fri 03-Mar-17 07:03:39

I had my first in my early 30s, I definitely wouldn't have been ready at 26. Enjoy living life, my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me but I'd already done a tonne of stuff and was ready to stop and really devote time to her.

Travel, go to festivals, weekends away - love your life and if and when you do decide you are ready for kids then you'll love that stage too.

This was right for me, having kids younger was right for others: it's so personal and idiots asking you questions and hassling you are rude and stupid!

Karmaisabitch Fri 03-Mar-17 16:05:36

I'm 26 & 34 weeks pregnant with my first baby.

Let me tell you this......enjoy being 26,27,28,29,30 +!

Don't tie yourself down!

I wouldn't change my situation even though it isn't the one I planned.....however I do wish I'd waited until my mid 30's and carried on living the life of a young adult.

Don't feel pressured, enjoy being your age without responsibilities!

Helbel82 Fri 03-Mar-17 16:19:20

I could've written you're post 5 years ago. We got married when I was 25 (34 now) and it seemed as if everyone was constantly asking us when we were going to start a family or more recently do we think we will ever have children? We found people asking to be very rude and it really got to us at times. As far as we were concerned it was our business only and we had things we needed to do first like moving to an area we wanted to, getting a bigger house, going on holidays and I wanted to be at a certain point in my career. I know that you don't need all of these to have a baby but to us it was important. So we ignored the comments, posted a few articles on Facebook around how rude it is to ask people about there children plans and just got on with it.
I did have concerns at the back of my mind about age and reduction in fertility. This was more after the age of 30 though. However after coming to a decision together when we felt it was the right time, we started trying, it happened quicker than expected and I'm now almost 38 weeks pregnant. So my advice would be not to worry what other people think. It has to be the right time for both of you!

HN42 Fri 03-Mar-17 18:04:48

Just ignore people who expect you to have a baby, enjoy life while you're young. I've had a little bit of expectation of getting pregnant off people since I got married and people have always known I wanted kids one day but I waited until I was almost 30 to get pregnant as I just wasn't ready. If you want to wait until the time is right, then stand your ground and wait until you're ready.

Go and do the things you want to do and enjoy life as it is now, its what my husband and I did, we knew we didn't want kids until our early 30's so we travelled to most of the places we wanted to go to as we didn't feel we'd have chance to do it with kids in tow and we enjoyed time just being us and having fun before we felt ready to give up the travelling etc.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Fri 03-Mar-17 18:44:58

Fine not to feel ready. Either make it clear it's personal and not up for discussion or say not for a long time, like until you're 35. Offer to add them to your unprotected sex mailing list?

Roseandbee Fri 03-Mar-17 20:33:10

I def wasn't ready at 26 despite the fact id already been with my (now) husband for 8 years at that point. Im 33 now and TTC my first

Caterina99 Fri 03-Mar-17 22:57:29

I got married at 25 and DH 26. Been with DH since age 19. Had first DS age 30.

Mrstumbletap Fri 03-Mar-17 23:18:14

Yeah enjoy life a bit more OP you are still young. Get everything out of the way that you want to do. And then think about it again in 4/5 years.

londonloves Fri 03-Mar-17 23:32:26

I'm 35 and pregnant with my first and I still don't feel ready! Like... I didn't go to India yet! And all those festivals omg... so my advice would be don't rush it! I got pregnant by accident so I'm obviously will pretty fertile! (Am happy to be pregnant really, it's just been a bit of a shock and I'm sure I can take the small person with me to India one day!)

DoloresAbernathy Fri 03-Mar-17 23:37:13

Annoying not sure what you can do to stop people asking though, me and my DH were together for 10 years before our first DC so we had this a lot .
I always knew I wanted to wait until my thirties and I'm glad I did, I love my DC so much but babies/children are hard work.
I knew I had to wait until I was ready to give up some my freedom, enjoy you time until you are ready!

toffeeboffin Fri 03-Mar-17 23:40:39

Ignore people and go out and party. Please.

Graphista Fri 03-Mar-17 23:51:43

It's horrifically rude and intrusive, and can be very hurtful.

I've said this before on here but myself and friends have had this shit from people who didn't know our personal situations. I lost 3 before having dd, my friends have experienced mc, stillbirth, difficulties conceiving, done Ivf, 2 cannot have children due to risks to their own health which also prevents them from adopting. I couldn't have more due to a rare heart condition exacerbated by pregnancy.

Not only is it completely your decision and none of their business, you could be dealing with any of the above issues or any number of others and their constant pressure and questions would be making you feel like shit!

I'm too old to be asked now but if I were I'd be tempted to say something like 'really? How would you like to discuss YOUR sex life and fertility status?'

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