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Visitors straight after birth

(35 Posts)
Algebraic Wed 01-Mar-17 19:19:47

Quite a few friends have had babies recently, and I'm seeing quite a few in-hospital shots with the grandparents.

I've checked on the website for my hospital and there's fairly limited visiting hours (2 x 2hr slots - max 2 + partner).

I suppose it could be that these friends live very close to their parents so they can swing by, but mine are 2.5 hrs away and DH's 1.5.

I was thinking that we would just let them know once baby has arrived and then they will visit once I am back home.

How soon did you have visitors? Were you in hospital for awhile after the birth?

WishUponAStar88 Wed 01-Mar-17 19:25:13

Dd I stayed in one night, discharged first thing the next morning. Ds home within 5hours. I didn't want visitors in hospital either time but happy to have visitors once home. For 2nd labour my parents were already at home when we got back as they were babysitting dd.

Once home I was very happy to have visitors but some people don't like visitors for a while, there's no right or wrong you just have to do what's right for you!

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery Wed 01-Mar-17 19:25:53

DD was born in the middle of the night. We called the family at 8am. Visiting hours were from 5pm or so. My mum turned up at 10am anyway. The midwives wouldn't let her in but I was allowed to wheel the baby over to the door so she could see. DH, Mum and PILS came at visiting time and took it in turns to come in so they could all see the baby. PILs had driven back from their holiday specially. I was on a high and really pleased to see them. BIL came the next day and so did a friend. I was feeling fine but DD was under lights for jaundice, so I was really glad of the company.

WishUponAStar88 Wed 01-Mar-17 19:26:10

To add I would've probably had immediate family visit if in hospital more than a night!

bonzo77 Wed 01-Mar-17 19:27:35

Depends on many variables. And between hospitals. I've always stayed at least 2 nights and had time for visitors. Especially for my first who was the first grandchild on both sides, we were both physically well and i stayed 3 nights. 2nd baby no visitors really as he was in nicu and I was a wreck (emotionally). 3rd very few as was hard to juggle due to other children, and he was my parents 5th GC and in laws 4th and the novelty had worn off!!!

Rockandrollwithit Wed 01-Mar-17 19:33:28

I was in hospital for 4 days. I preferred visits in hospital to home as they could only come for a set period of time and then had to leave! Home visits are harder, especially if you are unwell.

MrsBellefleur Wed 01-Mar-17 19:34:33

I had dd in the morning and was in hospital for 2 nights (3 full days by the time they discharged us) during that time both sets of parents came at least twice, my sister and brother in law came the first day after work, dh's sister also came after work the first day and dh's best friend came the second day I think.

When we got home, my parents brought my Nan round for a visit. As she'd had an operation a week or so before and couldn't travel far.

This time (currently 36 weeks) I want to be out as soon as I can or at least spend no longer than one night in hospital as I have dd to worry about. I don't want any visitors the second we get home again either but if I stay in for a night or a day I'm happy for both sets of parents to come after dd has met the baby first then everyone else can come after we've settled at home.

GreenGoblin0 Wed 01-Mar-17 19:57:45

my family turned up unannounced near end of visiting time on day baby was born. I was really annoyed as was still in a state after traumatic labour and as partner had to leave at end of visiting time too so was upset that we didn't have that time alone. personally would really have just wanted them to come once we were at home and settled but it really depends on you and how you're feeling after the birth.

drinkyourmilk Wed 01-Mar-17 19:58:00

I'll be in a couple of nights as I have GD so my in laws are coming to the hospital. My parents are abroad so are staying for a couple of weeks when baby is 2 weeks old.

Heirhelp Wed 01-Mar-17 20:00:02

For me days. I have my daughter late Saturday night by an EMCS after a three day labour. I was not really wanting to see many people but also my Dad was ICU after surgery and my sister was taking care of my disabled Mum so it was days later.

Snoopysimaginaryfriend Wed 01-Mar-17 20:00:45

My in laws and Mum arrived about two hours after the birth. I was quite glad to have someone to hold DD whilst I went to the toilet, had something to eat etc. However, right from the start I was never upset by people holding DD. I completely understand why some people are and want peace and quiet but it's never bothered me.

SofsMum17 Wed 01-Mar-17 20:06:06

With my first, we had both parents visiting at the hospital the day she was born, and the minute we got home the house was full of randoms for what felt like two weeks - both of which I found very stressful tbh (because 1) even though birth was uncomplicated it's still BIRTH!!, and b) was having hard time bfing among other things), but didn't feel I could say no as baby was first grandchild on both sides.

This time will be more strict about who comes when!! But agree with pp it's a totally personal thing, whether simple or complex birth experience you may wish for lots of support or just being with DP. All I'd say is give yourself permission to trust your instincts whichever way you feel.

Algebraic Wed 01-Mar-17 20:08:40

Thanks for all the responses. That's a good point actually Rockandrollwithit... it will limit the visit time!

Sounds a bit silly but I'm concerned about lying there in bed feeling awful and then needing to breastfeed the baby and having these rellies staring back at me! They would just say go ahead, don't mind us! But I'm totally not up for that...

It's the first grandchild for both sides so I don't want to make them wait too long as I can only imagine the sad little sounds they will make at being told to wait a week...

AyeAmarok Wed 01-Mar-17 20:15:20

I got ambushed in hospital a few hours after a really traumatic birth by my in-laws. My DP explained that I was not good, so grandparents only please and not to stay too long, and everyone else to wait until the following day when we (thought we) would be home. He sent two messages to his parents, and a message to his siblings, making it really, really clear.

In-laws decided to ignore him and bring the family, and then send (adult) SIL and BIL in first to jump out from behind the curtain as a surprise. While I was sitting there in agony, trying to learn how to breastfeed, in a puddle of blood, deathly grey, and waiting for a blood transfusion.

Then to add insult to injury, when DP asked why they were here when he told them to wait until tomorrow, SIL ran off crying and it became all about how she was so upset.

I'm still angry about it.

angry

Chottie Wed 01-Mar-17 20:20:26

My DS was born at 5.04 pm and my DM arrived to see him at 7.00 pm. She was so thrilled and just couldn't wait to meet him. smile

Garnethair Wed 01-Mar-17 20:25:06

My parents, DH's parents and my brother in law were all waiting in the corridor outside the Labour ward when my first was born. Half an hour after my baby was born they all came in to meet her, as I was eating my toast! It was lovely for them all to be there.

ThermoScan Wed 01-Mar-17 20:25:26

I had 3 sections so knew I would be in for 2-3 nights each time.Husband only on day 1 (then brought existing DC with subsequent babies )then in laws /other family during visiting times only on days 2-3.More then enough.It was good to have the limits of the hospital visiting times.With my first the neighbours offered to have a tea party on my first day home.Having had no sleep for 3 days I said no way!

Algebraic Wed 01-Mar-17 20:49:26

Oh gawd AyeAmarok that sounds horrendous and exactly what I'm trying to avoid. Definitely don't want any corridor waiters either. I think I will get DH to call them right after the birth (as who knows how long it will take). PIL are nearer so can come straight away, they're the ones who I'm worried will overstay. At least will my own parents I can just say ok bugger off now then grin we have a nice, direct relationship haha.
Then will figure out BIL/SIL etc further down the line...

welshweasel Wed 01-Mar-17 20:53:42

I had DS at 11am, DSD came in evening visiting and my parents came for afternoon visiting the following day (5 hour round trip bless them). DH's parents don't drive and so didn't meet him til we went to stay when he was about 6 weeks old.

Italwaysworksitselfout Thu 02-Mar-17 10:35:15

I'm having my 4th in May and really anxious about this as it's been 15 years since my last so this is a long awaited baby. I'm a csection and tend to have fevers etc after. I'm certain I just want my dm and df and pils to visit but my sis will be a problem 😕 Its open visiting where we are and she is the type to stay all day because she thinks she is helping. There will be hysterics if she is told no. I would rather it be just me and dh until we get home and even then very few visitors. I'm not much of a people person

toomuchtimereadingthreads2016 Thu 02-Mar-17 11:07:21

My mum and dad were corridor waiters! Didn't bother me at the time wasn't even crossing my mind that they were there, they had already come and waited and gone home the previous day because DD hadn't been born yet! I was wheeled past them onto ward so they got a quick glimpse then they were allowed to stay with DD whilst nurse dressed her which my dad took a video of which I absolutely treasure because I was in the other room.
All of DH family and mine bar mum and dad live in different countries to us... So we didn't get many visitors although plenty few out in the following weeks and luckily stayed with my parents! We had a three day hospital stay and DH was back in work the day after so apart from best friend and parents I would have liked a few more visitors if we were nearer to my DBs and aunties for example.

This time I would rather avoid home visits because it will be an almighty TIP with adjusting toddler, newborn... dont want to be anxious about tidying and cleaning for anyone!

AnyFarrahFowler Thu 02-Mar-17 21:55:42

This is something that still annoys me to this day. 20 hour labour culminating in an episiotomy and forceps. Knackered was an understatement. I'd vomited several times during labour so my stomach was empty. I literally had nothing more to give. DS arrived at 00:30 and at 2:30 my inlaws arrived for cuddles and photos. I just cannot comprehend that level of selfishness and that will absolutely 100% not be repeated this time around.
I'm still angry at myself for not putting up more of a fight but I felt so vulnerable and had been through such a traumatic birth that I just let it happen. I look back now and wonder how adults who weren't off their face on an epidural could possibly think that was ok. They only had to wait til 8am.
I am 4 weeks pregnant with DC2 and have already laid down the law to DH!

missm0use Sat 04-Mar-17 19:42:34

With DD1 I had a traumatic birth - DD had heart problems during contractions and we both had sepsis cause by a infection caught in hospital - loads of other stuff as well during labour. DD was born 10 pm on the Saturday - we had both sets of grandparents in the afternoon afterwards and then in the Evening PIL brought BIL and family friends which I wasn't fit for but PIL ignored our wishes ... I'm currently pregnant with number 2! This time round there will only be DD1 and OH coming to visit us in the hospital - mostly because I've decided to have the baby at the island hospital. I wasn't allowed first time, as they have limited facilities at the hospital here. As we're on the island PIL won't have accommodation unless staying with us and I've told OH I'm not up for overnight guests for the first month. God help MIL if she turns up to meet the baby with an overnight bag! grin

Astoria7974 Sat 04-Mar-17 19:47:18

Sil had a traumatic birth (eclampsia, HELLP), dn was barely 3 pounds & in the premature baby ward in an incubator. Brother asked me and sis to come in on the day of the birth to cheer her up - but I wish I hadn't. Seeing them both like that gave me phobias.

Sis had a 4th degree tear & needed me to help her carry the baby because the midwives didn't have time.

gincamelbak Sat 04-Mar-17 19:56:46

My mum told me when I was about 6 months pregnant that she would sit in the waiting room while I was in labour. I intended on letting her know once I'd had the baby.

As it was, with DD I was induced so she knew I was in hospital but dad kept her hostage until we phoned that the baby was born. Dad was first visitor approx 8 hours after the birth. That was lovely. Then mum broke into the ward after visiting times were over and took over. Then they both left and collected my sister so they could all take photos during the evening visiting time. It was fine. They came to the house with gran a few days later.

PIL visited 3 weeks later.

With DS I had to stay in hospital then induced so mum looked after DD while I had the baby. I refused any hospital visits as managed to escape about 15 hrs after the birth. Mum and dad and a dog they were looking after were all at my house waiting. I found the bloody visiting dog stressful.

PIL visited 4 months later.

I preferred having visitors at home because I could relax a bit more and not have other people's visitors all over the place. And I had lots of food in the cupboards.

Oh and a comfy seat too.

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