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Sharing a pregnancy with my sister-in-law

(38 Posts)
19thJuly2017 Wed 01-Mar-17 17:20:44

I know this post will receive mixed responses but please know that this is from someone who is not malicious but just wants some advice on dealing with feelings.

I am 28 and married my partner of 6 years in September. We then decided to try for a baby and were lucky enough to conceive very quickly. I am due mid July. My brother is 36 and has been engaged to his fiancé for a couple of years but they are yet to get married.

We announced our pregnancy at the beginning of January. Last night they announced their pregnancy, and they are due just 7 weeks after us. My parents are delighted for them because they were worried that my brother might have 'missed the boat' for having children.

I am pleased for them and they will be good parents, which I know is the main thing. I also appreciate that as the children grow older they will be great friends being so close in age.

However I can't help feeling like their news has made ours a little less special and that I will have less than 2 months of having 'the new baby', which doesn't feel like long for such a major life change! They live practically next door to my parents whereas we live about 45 minutes away, so naturally my parents are going to see more of their baby than they are mine. I know I shouldn't think this way, but I just can't help feeling like my special time has been overshadowed.

Anyone else been in this position?

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Wed 01-Mar-17 17:27:59

Thing is with ttc nobody knows how long it will take so I doubt your sis in law planned it this way. I think it will be nice for the children to have a ready made playmate, my friends little dd was born 5 days after my dd and it was lovely being pregnant the same time and now seeing our dds together.

Honestly your news will not of been overshadowed in anyway, both babies will be loved by the grandparents. It's not like when your sil baby arrives yours will be forgotten about.

My parents live in the next street, in laws 40 minutes away and they both make the effort to see dd once a week so distance really doesn't matter until you get in to hours away

Astro55 Wed 01-Mar-17 17:30:37

It maybe a blessing given all the batshit mothers in here!

intheknickersoftime Wed 01-Mar-17 17:33:11

Once you have more than one child you will realise that you love your children equally in different ways. I can't help thinking that your mum and dad must feel so blessed to have not one but two grandchildren on the way.There is absolutely no way that they will be thinking your child or pregnancy is in any less special.

ILikeSalmon Wed 01-Mar-17 17:34:23

I understand where you're coming from, so focus on the positives:
* yours will always be the oldest
* they may be different sexes
* they will be playmates
* your SIL may be closer to her mum than yours so therefore your mum will feel closer to you and your kid
* you will both probably have more kids each that will not be so close in age so you'll get the special attention then
* you're having a baby smile

fruityb Wed 01-Mar-17 17:34:48

Yep I was and it's been great! It took us two years to get pregnant, my sister in law then found out she was pregnant and due four months after me, and then another sister in law due three months after that! So now we have three kids between us with seven months between mine and the youngest. We see it as how the three of them will grow and play together and I can't wait!

Yes it does take the attention away but i really didn't mind. It meant I didn't have to fight to get him back when the family got together lol.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Wed 01-Mar-17 17:35:15

My sister had her second baby 3 months after my second was born. They are now just 3 and nearly 3 and get in really well, which is lovely.

I couldn't care less from a personal level. I had 3 babies in 3 years and as far as I'm concerned, every one can make whatever life choices they want, when they want.

But I have a huge aversion to people who make being pregnant a big "thing". It's not. It's a lovely, special time for you and and your partner but it's not "sharing a pregnancy" with your SIL. You are both having your own DC and there is enough love for everyone. The pregnancy is just a means to an end.

Plus, I have grown up with an aunt who strongly believes that everyone has an unsaid "turn" to things like this. She still rants on about someone who had the cheek to book their wedding 3 months before my cousin's at short notice hmm. Because of that, I've gone totally the other way.

lilybunnyc Wed 01-Mar-17 17:36:41

I was just in this position (baby is nearly 7 months old), but slightly on the other side of the coin. I got pregnant, and my sister in law (my husband's sister) got pregnant as well and we were due 7 weeks apart. She lives 5 minutes away from her mother, whereas we live 30 minutes away.

My MIL was clamoring to be at our house to see her grandson on a daily basis right after he was born, but it really was crickets after my SIL's baby was born. Now, she rarely makes an effort to come see us, and she sees our son maybe once every 4-6 weeks, despite being within half an hour of us.

That said, my SIL is closer to (and frankly, far more dependent on) my MIL than my husband is. I don't mind the way things have turned out since I've had a difficult relationship with my MIL over the years, so in some ways it's a blessing in disguise for me. But, I know it has hurt my husband loads that his mother essentially has treated us like chopped liver since the other baby was born (even going so far as to refer to my SIL's baby as the "new baby" -- they were born 6 weeks apart!!). My SIL is also not coping with motherhood well, and requires practically around the clock assistance from her mother, which means that my MIL has no free time for us at all. She says she would love to see our son more, but only if we go out to hers (nope, we both have full time jobs and our free time is precious). She just isn't willing to say no to my SIL or make the effort to see us.

All you can do is make it clear to your parents that you would be delighted to have them involved, and it's up to them to make the effort. My in-laws are some of the most self-absorbed people ever, so I do think my situation is unusual. All the best to you during your pregnancy - I'm sure things will end up fine!

Lules Wed 01-Mar-17 17:39:55

My sister got pregnant a couple of weeks after I did with her second child. I'd been trying for a while, she hadn't. But it didn't take away from the specialness at all. It was nice to have someone to talk to. It did mean my mum helped me less at the beginning than she would have done just due to splitting time between 2 of us, but that was fine. Another child doesn't take away from the specialness of yours.

Underthemoonlight Wed 01-Mar-17 17:40:30

Dh did got pregnant by surprised and told us when we were pregnant I was delighted for them there's 5 months between them sils dp db also had a baby shortly after them I think it's nice. Look for the positives

Pinkheart5915 Wed 01-Mar-17 17:44:30

Your news won't of been over shadowed, your parents have two grandchildren on the way to love and I bet they are thrilled 😃

Don't assume because you live 45 minutes away your children won't be close to your parents, 45 minutes really isn't that far as long as you and your parents are prepared to put a bit of effort in to see each other.

I doubt your brother and sis in law planned it this way, with ttc babies just happen when they want too. They could even of been trying long before you started you just don't know.

My friend had twins 5 weeks after my eldest was born and having my friend to talk to in pregnancy and seeing our children playing together has been lovely

ImperialBlether Wed 01-Mar-17 17:47:34

45 minutes is nothing! You could go there every day if you wanted to.

donkey86 Wed 01-Mar-17 17:56:57

I'm pregnant and so is my SIL - I'm 10 weeks, she's about 14. She doesn't know yet - DH and I aren't telling anyone until after the first scan. I hope she doesn't feel the same way! I wonder if PILs will be excited or a bit stressed at the prospect of two new grandchildren within a month or so.

pastabest Wed 01-Mar-17 17:59:42

This happened to me. I thought it would really bother me and that it was a shame we wouldn't have that special new baby bubble to ourselves. It was our first and SILs second and they announced a few days before we did essentially 'stealing our thunder' (DPs words not mine!)

Both babies are now here and were born a week apart. I really didn't care in the end and it's lovely seeing them together and knowing they will be able to grow up together.

The added benefit is that MIL has had to split her time between us grin She is a lovely lady who always means well but has some serious boundary issues.

MinnieNoush Wed 01-Mar-17 19:21:13

Try looking at the positives rather than the negatives. You are so utterly blessed.

MrsBellefleur Wed 01-Mar-17 19:27:34

My PIL are getting 3 new grandchildren within the space of 5 months this year. I'm due end of this month, SIL1 is due 2 1/2 later and SIL2 is due around 4 or 5 weeks after that. We're all excited by how close the cousins will be getting to grow up together, it makes neither one of us less special or ruined our experience, it's nice to be able to offer and get support from someone else in a similar position.

Crocky Wed 01-Mar-17 19:37:41

We live 400 miles away from my parents and my brother lives across town from them. My children are far closer to my mum than my brother's children are. It isn't always about distance.

Brown76 Wed 01-Mar-17 19:40:30

I've 13 weeks between my brothers child and my first. step-brothers was also born in that time. It's been great! We've been able to share clothes and baby gear, hang out together on mat leave, share tips and best of all now they are all beginning to be friends and play together and are really close. It's a total blessing.

Astro55 Wed 01-Mar-17 20:54:10

I had twins and SIL had DC a few weeks later

MIL always preferred her DD child - always 'showing off' his latest milestone or school certificate - wasn't at all subtle about favourites!!
OH is X not crawling yet? Y has been for days .... honestly she was worse than some of the mums....

I went NC - left it all with DH to deal with because I couldn't talk to her without it feeling competitive.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork Wed 01-Mar-17 20:58:03

However I can't help feeling like their news has made ours a little less special and that I will have less than 2 months of having 'the new baby'

You're being a bit ridiculous. Your baby will be special to you, expecting a clear field with no other family babies is not how it works. Yes, they will see the other baby more, but that is how life works.

My SIL and I had our second babies the same week. It was lovely.

AnotherEmma Wed 01-Mar-17 21:02:14

"Sharing a pregnancy"? Eh? hmm

You're not sharing a pregnancy. You're both pregnant. Twice as much joy and love to go around.

Given that your baby is due first, it's likely that you'll get more attention anyway, but we don't have babies for the attention do we?!

Just focus on yourself and your baby and what a lovely thing it will be for the cousins to be so close in age.

And maybe get a bit of a grip.

YouJumpIJumpJack Wed 01-Mar-17 21:08:09

I can see this from both sides. On one hand yes it is unrealistic to be thinking like this as it's not a competition but on the other hand I completely understand.

I had a similar situation. No babies born either side (mine and DPs) for six years. Within three months of announcing both my Dsis and sil both announced their pregnancies and I was a bit upset because my baby would get overlooked. But, one is already here and I am completely over it and just want squidge her and can't wait for the next one in a few weeks.

I'm sure once they're here you'll be feeling more excited.

ohfourfoxache Wed 01-Mar-17 21:16:33

It'll be fine smile

My DSis had DNephew 5 months after DS was born and they get on so, so well- it really is so special to watch.

I'm now expecting DS2 and DSis is also now expecting again- everything crossed there will be about 16 weeks between the next two! grin

Don't worry, there are so many fun times ahead that the small age gap just won't matter in the long run. Oh, and congratulations! thanks

Laulou87 Wed 01-Mar-17 21:21:04

My SIL had her first 3 months after mine, as they were both first babies it was nice to have someone to go through the experience with and that I could be honest with (most people do not tell the truth about pregnancy and how hard it can sometimes be - it's not all magical!) Our sons are now both 3 and the best of friends, they see each other most days as our MIL provides wraparound childcare for both and it's lovely for them to be growing up so close. There was certainly no overshadowing of anything and it was an exciting time for the whole family - try and look at the positives, you might find that this helps to enjoy the experience more!

welshmist Wed 01-Mar-17 21:27:32

Two sisters I know got pregnant at the same time, sadly one of them miscarried, they both grieved for the loss of a child. Be glad that you have healthy cousins close in age.

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