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Need support

(13 Posts)
Jellymuffin Wed 22-Feb-17 08:34:53

Feel like the worst mum ever X I'm currently pregnant with dc2 and have lovely dc1-3.5. I'm really struggling with morning sickness and off on half term. My husband is away with work and I'm booked to take my little boy to Thomas land today. I just feel so so sick and keep being sick with no warning. My mum has told me I should have stuck with DS and has implied that I'm irresponsible and selfish having another (am married and a full time teacher, 33 and own our house yet she's still making me feel like an irresponsible child) she's already told me she won't be able to love another grandchild and keeps making digs about DS coming to live with her to get away from'the noisy baby'. I just feel like crying!

Lunalovepud Wed 22-Feb-17 08:46:41

Your mum sounds great and not at all like she is jealous of you and wants your child to live with her. hmm

First thing I would do is get rid of your mum until you are feeling well enough to deal with her nonsense. She sounds awful and her toxic comments are the last thing you need.

Have you seen your GP about sickness? If you haven't, please do - there is no need to feel so awful.

When is your DH back?

flowers for you OP.

Jellymuffin Wed 22-Feb-17 09:34:45

He's back tonight so that's not too bad X he just doesn't understand X I do all drop offs, pick ups, work full time and have dinner on the table when he gets home X I'm exhausted and sick and feel like such a failure X he just ignores me now when I'm being sick in the kitchen sink in the same room as him 😭

Jellymuffin Wed 22-Feb-17 09:37:15

I've seen the gp as was hospitalised and on IV. They've given me a tablet that works but knocks me out and I'm not allowed to drive, it even says on the packet that it doubles as a sedative! I have to keep going with life, I just feel I'm doing a crap job of it.

Hgmother Wed 22-Feb-17 09:42:43

Is the tablet cyclizine by any chance? You can get other medication like ondensetron metachlopramide. I'd ask to change it because taking something that makes you so drowsy when you're in charge of little ones is not good as you know!
Ps you have hyperemesis, not morning sickness. Your mother needs to read up on that before making such comments!
I know how hard it is. You're not alone. There's a brilliant HG thread on here if you need it. No one judges they just listen and help. Good luck and good health in your pregnancy flowers

Hgmother Wed 22-Feb-17 09:43:51

< Ondensetron OR Metachlopramide >

PotteringAlong Wed 22-Feb-17 09:45:08

You're not a failure. Your mum is a knob. Ignore her.

Shantotto Wed 22-Feb-17 09:46:33

Sorry to hear you're so ill - You're not failing at all! Who is a huge failure in all this is your husband. He needs to bloody step up! I am angry on your behalf he sounds like a total twat.

Jellymuffin Wed 22-Feb-17 09:55:20

DH really is wonderful what he's here but commutes a long way for work and had to leave the house at 7, he gets home for 5.30 but tends to stay later to finish work (which I done have the luxury of). It would be impossible for him to do any of it. I have dinner in the table so that we have dinner round the table as a family, it's important to me. I just don't know how I'll cope when the baby gets here!

vfoster Wed 22-Feb-17 10:18:52

Your life sounds so similar to mine! I'm 34, a full time teacher with a 3.5 year old and expecting number 2!
If it makes you feel any better I never have dinner ready in the table when my husband gets in....he'd be lucky if there was food in the house! My parents have made similar comments about taking my first (though not as critical, think they think they are being helpful!).
You are anything but a failure! Being a mum is tough; working as a full time teacher is tough; trying to have family time is tough! You are doing all of that! I am currently buried under a pile of mock GCSE exams and was contemplating how hard it is to do everything....then I stopped and played candy crush for an hour. Because it's also really important to look after yourself! I struggled with PND after my first and someone told me: if there is an emergency on a plane they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else. You need to be kind to yourself in order to take care of everything else!
You are not failing. You are doing a great job. Be kind to yourself and tell other people to knob off. grin
Final note: I've let my jkid watch Trolls on repeat since yesterday morning. She's never been happier xx

babyunicornvomit Wed 22-Feb-17 12:17:30

Different situation but my mum sounds very similar in that she makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong by making my own decisions in life. Currently 17+1 with my first and she's been completely unsupportive since I told her 2 months ago, yet expects to be there at the birth and to have some sort of 'control' over the situation.
Try to make it clear this is your life and you can do whatever you please, and reduce contact for a little while. I tried to stay in touch but constantly getting called names and made to feel bad was exhausting, so now we haven't really spoken in a few months, but it's slowly getting better and she even text me yesterday to ask how I am. Good luck and don't let her make you feel bad! x

HN42 Wed 22-Feb-17 18:34:18

That is an awful thing for your mum to say, it's your choice to have more children, not hers. And you are doing your best right now given how you feel. I reckon your DS will love having a little baby brother or sister and that you will cope. I am having twins and it's my first pregnancy and I have been really unwell and also worried about coping but people find a way so I'm trying to be positive and tell myself I will get through it.

I don't know whether you maybe speak to your mum and tell her that her comments really upset you at a time you're clearly struggling, its only worth it I suppose if you think it will bring her round to be more supportive. The last thing you need right now is your own mum making you feel like a bad person, and if you tell her she might realise how hurtful her comments were?

123happymummy Wed 22-Feb-17 19:45:46

My mum was exactly the same at the begining & believe me ur in a much better situation than i am my lo is 5 & im 28 weeks pg now...however i spoke 2 my mum & told her how upset & guilty she was making me feel & as soon as we told my lo & she could see how happy & ok with it he was she got better. Now shes over the moon. Ive spoken 2 a few people who have said there mums were exactly the same when they fell pregnant. Hopefully after time she will get better.

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