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Devastation.

(41 Posts)
user1487704782 Tue 21-Feb-17 19:28:48

I've just made this account to ask others opinions. Im not sure if I am over reacting or not. I was pregnant with a baby girl, my first child and I was keeping the name a surprise. I told one person my brothers girlfriend because were close and I wanted opinions on her name. I don't believe this name is very common "Liliana-Rose". I miscarried and my brothers girlfriend turns out to be pregnant and she's came out with the name for her baby girl and it's "Liliana-Rose" she's even asked me to be god mother. I am actually really upset after loosing my little girl and then they have the same name as me. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it.

Jojo13 Tue 21-Feb-17 19:34:53

So sorry for your loss and can understand why you feel like this. I think I would too.
Have you spoken to her about it? Is there any way she may have chosen the name as a mark of respect/in honour of your loss? (Not that this makes it right, but maybe she thinks she is doing something nice??)
xx

sunshin3yellow Tue 21-Feb-17 19:38:11

I would be very upset with that too.

She is either being very thoughtless and selfish, or she has made a very clumsy attempt to remember your daughter?

user1487704782 Tue 21-Feb-17 19:41:26

I did ask her about it and she caused an argument and went crying to my brother saying I was being jealous.
She was so nice before my miscarriage and her birth. We'd spend time with each other and go out etc.
She keeps coming around my parents house (I don't live there but I care for my ill father) and I don't know if it's just me thinking things but she would laugh and say "Oh my beautiful Liliana-Rose" and it breaks my heart because I wanted that name since I was 13 and it just brings me back to seeing the ultrasound and hearing no heart beat.

I'm so jealous of her and that's an awful thing to say.

ExpectoPatronummmm Tue 21-Feb-17 19:41:58

What a bitch. I would say
"So how did you come up with that name then? Remember that's what I was going to call my baby..."
And see what she says.

Sorry that you have to go through this x

sunshin3yellow Tue 21-Feb-17 19:44:23

In that case she is awful.

I would honestly go no contact with the bitch.

user1487704782 Tue 21-Feb-17 19:48:23

I would try and do that but I used to be so close with my brother because he's older by 2 years and I really liked her before all of this. I want a relationship with my niece but her name just kills me. And knowing she is only 2 months older than my baby girl to.

AssassinatedBeauty Tue 21-Feb-17 19:48:57

What does your brother say? Presumably she didn't tell him about the origin of the name, but now he knows. Does he think it's an ok thing to have done? I think I'd be very cross in his position if I'd been duped into doings something that really upset my sibling.

Northernlurker Tue 21-Feb-17 19:53:12

Tell your parents, tell your brother and then don't see her until and if she apologises BIG time for this. What an utter cow.

user1487704782 Tue 21-Feb-17 19:54:12

He's apologised to me and he didn't realise she knew that was my little girls chosen name. He's just trying not to upset either of us and I respect him for that because I mean I know he doesn't want to be in a situation where she leaves with his daughter but he's openly admitted he's tried to get her to change the name to "Lily-Rose or Lilian".

She's being a bitch and it kills me because I mean she knows I'm still grieving.

Hollyhop17 Tue 21-Feb-17 19:55:16

Oh my god, I am speechless. What an awful, horrible, insensitive thing to do. I would definitely say something to your brother and parents. I am so sorry for your loss.

Corrinax Tue 21-Feb-17 19:55:29

Aww im so sorry to here that, i would also say what a bitch

My sister was pregnant with her 3rd a boy and i still havnt had a baby yet!! But iv always known if i have a boy his going to be called walter after both my grandads so i said to he, that she better not call him walter coz thats for my baby haha in the end she chose walter as his middle name so im glad she didnt take my name lol

If i were u i would make a big fuss about it she should be more respectful towards u n what u went through xx

user1487704782 Tue 21-Feb-17 20:01:32

Thank you for the suggestions ladies x
However I feel like if I make a huge fuss it makes me look really jealous like yes I am but I won't show it! It really excuse my language pisses me off because she has gone and done that 2 months after I've lost my little girl and she won't budge even after my brother has tried everything my parents said a few words about how they're disappointed in her and how she went from such a nice girl to this bitch. And she threatened to walk out on them with their daughter x shocked beyond words my parents and brother were.

I don't want to make things worse but it kills me and I don't know how to lessen the pain.

haveacupoftea Tue 21-Feb-17 20:04:13

That is awful. Your brother needs to sort this out.

ineedwine99 Tue 21-Feb-17 20:08:21

So sorry OP flowers
She's a total bitch for doing this to you and i really hope she changes her mind

Hollyhop17 Tue 21-Feb-17 20:08:51

I think your brother should perhaps re-evaluate being in a relationship with her if that's her response. She seems cruel and very immature.

user1487704782 Tue 21-Feb-17 20:12:47

He's told me he would get rid of her any moment if it wasn't for the fact she told him she would leave with his 2 month old daughter.
We've tried everything and I don't want him to loose his first child. She won't even change the name slightly to "Lily-Rose" or "Lilian" or "Lily" I'm starting to think she gets satisfaction out of my pain.

Lofari Tue 21-Feb-17 20:15:40

I'm so sorry OP. She's clearly getting some kind of perverse kick out of this. She sounds like an absolute cuntnugget!

mhmhmhmh Tue 21-Feb-17 20:18:01

That's terrible.

Normally I'm of the opinion 'you can't own a name' but this in no way a standard name and it's clear she's used it on hearing it from you. That's disgusting.

Hollyhop17 Tue 21-Feb-17 20:18:34

I think she does as well, what a sick twisted individual. Your brother still has rights even if she does leave, but I understand it's difficult.

PetalMettle Tue 21-Feb-17 20:21:11

I'm so sorry OP. What a vile woman. Could your family all just call her lily?

chocolateisnecessary Tue 21-Feb-17 20:26:31

Firstly, she's horrible.
Second, if she sticks with it, I'm not sure you'll be able to shorten your niece's name as for her it will be hers.
Can you just say - Look, I'm beyond devastated. I can't handle this. If she wanted a reaction, she's got it and I'm grieving.
Not sure what else to suggest.

Charlieislovely Tue 21-Feb-17 20:48:26

I really feel for you. You have every right to be upset and jealous right now. It is not okay that she's taken your name, especially after your miscarriage.

The only thing I can say to you is that what is meant to be is meant to be. I can imagine you are hurting, but trust me your time will come. And no one will be able to take that away from you! X

InsaneMummyOfThree Tue 21-Feb-17 21:12:11

I would get something made in honour or your daughter, maybe using her scan picture. Proudly displaying her name on it. Maybe one of those lovely water colour pics. Then I would have it on display so that she "owns" that name. She will always be your daughter and that is her name. What a complete bitch this woman is being to you. If you feel able to do so through your grief I would start using it all the time. As in talking about your daughter by her name at family events or even posting on fb such as. " can't believe I'll never get to hold my beautiful daughter Liliana-rose" ( I'm sorry if this sound insensitive or to close to the bone op). I just think maybe if your using it and let everyone know that it's your daughters name she will then look stupid, horrible and insensitive when their baby is born. I hope I haven't said anything which would upset u, just really made me naggy on your behalf. X

beansbananas Tue 21-Feb-17 21:17:46

I'm so sorry to hear this. I lost a baby too, and the last thing you need when you're feeling such utter devastation, is people being unnecessarily cruel. My SIL got pregnant at the same time I lost mine, and I too felt jealous and found it hard to be around her for a while. This did ease after a few weeks, but it definitely hurt a lot at the time. And in fairness she was pretty sensitive to my feelings about it. That's why I'm really struggling to see what you SIL's motivation is for using the same name for her child. Why would anyone want to do such a thing? Even if you loved the name, after it was already intended for another child in the family, surely it would be impossible to conceive of using it? Or at the very least why didn't she ask you first? She must have known it would ruin your friendship and lose her the support of your family once it became public. Has she admitted it at all to you or apologised for being insensitive? Is she a very jealous and insecure person normally? The sad thing is, you will end up being the one who has to accept it and move on. And once the dust settles, I guess she'll have just got away with it. I really do hope you find a way to separate your grief from this. If it's any help, the loss does get easier to bear. I'm now pregnant again, and whilst I won't forget my first baby, I am so looking forward to meeting this one. Take care and be kind to yourself.

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