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Just found out I'm pregnant. Terrified

(4 Posts)
Taylorsej17 Fri 17-Feb-17 23:18:07

I found out yesterday that I am pregnant and I'm absolutely bricking it.
I already have 3 children but in 2014 I had social services involvement due to my violent partner and my appalling mental state.
In September 2014 I was given a choice either I left my partner and continued to work with social services or my children could go live with their paternal grandparents and they would apply for residency and guardianship orders or social services would start the process to have my children removed from my care.
I agreed for my children to go live with their grandparents. (Please don't judge me for not leaving my partner it was a very controlling, violent relationship and I was terrified of him also I have emotionally unstable personality disorder and struggle with relationships with family, friends, partners etc)
I have regular contact with my children, initially I saw them weekly but since all 3 of them started school I now see them fortnightly. This isn't through social services this is arranged between me and their nana.
I finally separated from my ex partner in June last year, I left our shared home and moved in with friends.
In September last year I agreed to go on a date with someone I had been friends with for a couple of years and we have been together since.
I have the mirena coil but the hormones in it have expired before it was due to be out (it was due out in July this year) and I am now pregnant.
I absolutely terrified of what is going to happen and how i am going to tell people and I just don't know what to do.
If anyone at all has any similar experience or any advice at all I would love to hear it because I just don't know what's going to happen and I'm so scared and worried

Mumtonone Sat 18-Feb-17 15:10:48

Hi Taylorsej. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

You sound as though you've had a horrendous time, and I can completely understand your conflicted feelings.

No similar experience to share, myself, although I have had exposure to child protection cases through a past role.

What I would concentrate on, is what has changed from your previous experiences and relationships.

How is your mental health now?
How productive is your relationship with your new partner?
How healthy is your contact and relationships with your children and their grandparents?
What is driving your fear about this pregnancy?
What are you willing and capable of doing to provide this child with a safe, stable and happy home?

On a positive light, this could be an opportunity at a second chance with this child. It's all about what's changed and what you are going to work on going forward.

Taylorsej17 Sat 18-Feb-17 16:44:04

My Mental health is much better now, I have been diagnosed and receiving medication and treatment for my problems and I'm in a much happier, much healthier place mentally than I was. I have a loving, incredibly supportive partner who knows everything I have been through and though he doesnt understand my problems and what I've been through he does his absolute best to support me through any difficult moments. I have what I would say is a normal, healthy relationship with my new partner. We have been living together for just over 2 months, he is employed. He's supportive, helpful and completely over the moon that I'm pregnant.
My relationship with my children and their grandparents is excellent. I see them every fortnight and we play, we talk about school, we go places and just generally have a normal relationship except that I only see them every 2 weeks and they don't live with me. I have always been close to their nana even though she is my ex husbands mum. We have always got on and have a very honest, very upfront relationship.
I'm terrified that I'm not going to be allowed to keep my baby, I'm scared that social services are going to get involved again, and I'm scared I'm going to have to go through the whole process with though hem again, but I am willing to work with social services. I'm willing to against end any course they want me to, I just want to provide a steady and stable home for my child and will do anything for that to happen.
So much has changed and I'm no longer in denial about what an unhealthy relationship I was in. I'm no longer in denial about my mental health. I'm willing to admit my wrongs and work on creating a more positive future.
I think my main fear really is social services and their involvement.

Mumtonone Sat 18-Feb-17 19:15:29

In my experience, social workers only remove a child from a home (and a mother) when it's in the child's best interests. It's an action of last resort, in other words they will put in every intervention possible before taking that action.

I've sat in on child protection cases, I've been part of decisions on whether a child remains in a household or not. It's a heart wrenching decision to make, and if there is a glimmer of hope we have worked with the family to keep them together. The only exception to that rule is where there is particular concern over physical, sexual or mental harm.

You sound as if you are in a completely different place from where you were a few years back. You have the right attitude that I can see nothing but a positive outcome if you continue with this mindset.

Will social work be interested in your pregnancy, yes. But it's down to you to demonstrate the changes you have described, to work openly and honestly with them and ensure your commitment to doing the best for your child.

It's natural to be frightened given your previous history, but this something now completely within your control. {{{hugs}}}

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