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Just found out...

(15 Posts)
Luna4689 Sat 11-Feb-17 16:08:16

Just found out I'm pregnant. I'm 19, at uni but been with the same guy for two years. It wasn't planned, condom split! But I have told my mum, I knew she wouldn't be happy but her reaction has me debating whether to keep it or not. Before I told her I thought it was a blessing and I was so happy, now I feel horrible. I don't know what to do! My boyfriend is over the moon, but now I don't know whether or not to keep it because of how my mum has reacted. Help!!!
How did everyone's parents react? Are there any other people in the same position as me? Please I need some advice

INeedNewShoes Sat 11-Feb-17 16:09:44

At 19, this is not about how your parents feel about it.

If you want to have the baby and your boyfriend does too, then you have the baby. As long as you are both willing to make the sacrifices and put in the hard work to look after the child.

Luna4689 Sat 11-Feb-17 16:51:24

Both of us do and we are willing to do what is needed. I'm just scared I have disappointed her

TeaholicsAnonymous Sat 11-Feb-17 16:54:25

of course she's disappointed! she's supported you and encouraged you through school and made sacrifices to send you to university and now you're pregnant with .... two years to go?

YES it's your decision. But your mum is not wicked or controlling to be disappointed and upset.

There'll be a MILLION posts telling you to keep your baby so I wanted to be ''allowed'' to counter it by saying that unless you could have a termination, finish your degree, and then after your degree, have a baby.

INeedNewShoes Sat 11-Feb-17 17:37:11

You should be able to defer a year and return to uni and finish your studies. Go and speak to the uni welfare team. They will know what grants and other support are available to you. For example, there may be a subsidised uni nursery.

CrispPacket Sat 11-Feb-17 17:52:19

Im not toooo much older than you and my mum would still have a heart attack now. Just things for you to think about....
- 2 yrs isnt that long to be with someone, how often do you see each other? I think once you actually move in with someone or have this kind of responsibility together do you truly get to know one another. How old is he?
-You're going to have a LOT of hormone/mood/bodily changes in the next year...is he going to stick by you when you REALLY need him?
-Finances? babies are expensive wee things...for 18+yrs
-He can walk away whenever he wants (unfortunately) so be prepared to do this on your own (prepare for the worst, expect the best)
-How important is this uni course to you?
-Where will you live?

On the flip ...Im sure your mum will come round, but it will probably take time but dont make a sole decision based on your mums feelings. And if you are truly ready for a baby then go for it.
Termination wise make sure you have a good 'team' of support around you and there are plenty of people out there that can help you.
Sending you hugs smile flowers

PollytheDolly Sun 12-Feb-17 09:32:31

As a mother with both my DS and DD at uni I can understand how your mother is feeling.

Also for both of you to be happy and want the baby is a great thing. It could be so different!

As others have pointed out, it won't be easy but as long as you're both aware and prepared for what lies ahead, basically, forever then good luck smile

UnbornMortificado Sun 12-Feb-17 09:36:32

I regret having my DD so young and not getting an education (religious reasons more then practical) I wouldn't change her now she is here obviously.

You do have your whole life to have children. I'd maybe try talking it through with someone impartial. I also thing your mam has every reason to be upset.

Good luck whatever you choose.

user1480264544 Sun 12-Feb-17 10:29:28

I found out I was pregnant a Few years back when I was 18, and had not been with my partner long. I was so scared of people's reactions especially my mums and his parents so we decided to terminate the pregnancy. It is a decision that has haunted me my entire life.. we are still together 7 years later and have a beautiful baby girl and baby number two on the way but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about what I did.. the guilt I feel when I think what if?! There were other reasons as to why I had the termination like I couldn't of looked after a child i wasn't working and my partner was still at college but I was also worried about how people would feel! Still to this day my mum or dad don't know.. infact only a handful of people do know. All I would say is think very long and hard as it's not a decision you can ever take back - you have done the hardest part by telling her and it's up to her to support you x

babyunicornvomit Sun 12-Feb-17 12:08:54

Hi - I'm 20 and at uni, currently 16 weeks pregnant! Only been with my boyfriend about 9 months and it happened completely out of the blue. Initially we considered all the options but decided we both wanted the baby. I told my parents on 10th January and they both flipped. Dad was concerned about me, my degree and my future. Mum was concerned about herself, me embarrassing her, how people would react. It's been a month now and my dad has completely come around - I showed him a scan picture and he melted. My mum still isn't happy, but respects my decision and that I'm an adult and simply didn't want an abortion.

Yes you're young as am I, but if you believe you want this baby and you will both care for it and love it, your mum being 'disappointed' as mine is is NOT a reason to abort your child. If you truly believe you'll be happier without a baby, of course you should consider it as an option, but if you want it then do not let anyone change your mind or make you feel bad. In five years time do you think you'd regret getting rid of a child? For me, the answer was a definite yes. So I kept my baby, and now I'm very happy.

Good luck and I know it's hard. But parents come around and the important thing is yourself and your possible child, not them. XXXX

HN42 Sun 12-Feb-17 14:00:23

I'm sure your mum is probably in shock right now and a lot of people think that your age is too young to have a baby but if its right for you and you think you can manage with a baby then go for it, it's your decision alongside your boyfriend to make not somebody else's. Don't let people close to you stop you doing what you want to do, what seems right to them doesn't mean it is the right thing to do. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you can't continue studying, finish your degree, get a career. Universities will have support in place for mothers who are studying. You both just need to think long and hard about how you can make it work if you keep the baby before you make any rash decisions. I understand you are probably upset by your mother's reaction, it's really hard when you are pregnant and people you consider to be close to be unsupportive of your situation but you have to try not to let other people's emotions and feelings get in the way of what you feel is right for you.

AlexandraEiffel Sun 12-Feb-17 14:29:43

You really need to think through how you feel. It's a huge decision. And only you can know how you feel, and that's what matters. As you're the one who will always live with that choice. For what it's worth, I am very pro-choice. I was in a situation where termination for medical reasons was discussed. But I realised I could not do it. But only with a counsellor to help me. I am still very pro choice and it highlighted for me how it's absolutely about how the individual woman feels at that particular point in her life, theoretical situations don't cut it. You have to know if your own heart what you do and don't want, and put others' theoretical views to one side. (I also experienced a miscarriage and didn't find it upsetting, different moment, different emotions)

There a board called something like antenatal tests and choices where this might sit better to get advice. If you report the thread MNHQ will move it for you. If you want.

Luna4689 Sun 12-Feb-17 20:00:15

Thank you everyone! It's nice to know there are people who are a similar age and going through the same. I know mum is shocked and not happy but I know I can do it, I just wanted my families support. Me and my boyfriend have been living together for ages now and I know we can do it. Thank you all so much xx

Katie0907 Sun 12-Feb-17 23:00:44

Hi. I was in the same situation. At 19 I fell pregnant in my second year at uni and me and dp had only been together 10 months. I deferred uni for a year before going back and completing my degree (graduating with a first). 10 years later and we are still together and expecting our second child. If you want to do this you can. It is hard but with planning and support it is possible to have a baby and get an education.

selfishcrab Sun 12-Feb-17 23:04:55

My son is 20 still studying and I'd be a liar if I said I wouldn't be dissapointed, however that wouldn't be a dissapointment in him just in the circumstances. I'd get over it because I love him, I'm sure what ever you want to do she will be ok given time.
OP don't base your discission on anyone other than yourself and what you want in your life.

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