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Do I tell my fiancée now?

(37 Posts)
Milkmachine15 Fri 10-Feb-17 13:54:19

I've just found out I'm 4w+3 pregnant after 2 miscarriages in the last 5 months. We are getting married in May and it's got me thinking. I don't know whether to tell him now or as a surprise at the wedding if baby sticks. I know that if I tell him now all he'll do is worry and with wedding etc he's stressed enough as it is! But is it wrong of me to keep it a secret even for the right reasons? I haven't said to anything to anyone! I would just love for him to enjoy this pregnancy which if I tell him later the less chance there is of something going wrong and less stress on him! What do I do?????

savagehk Fri 10-Feb-17 13:56:24

Will you not need support from him in the first trimester (morning sickness etc?). Wouldn't he be upset not to be at the scan?

BigGreenOlives Fri 10-Feb-17 13:59:34

Tell him, not telling him until May is not fair.

Finola1step Fri 10-Feb-17 14:00:23

Tell him.

Ilovecaindingle Fri 10-Feb-17 14:01:03

Start as you mean to go on and let him share every moment of your pregnancy journey. . Tell him tonight!!

drinkyourmilk Fri 10-Feb-17 14:03:04

I would tell him. If he's anything like my dh he would want to know- because it's his child too, because he wouldn't want me to be alone with my worry, and because he would be hurt if I kept it to myself.

RusholmeRuffian Fri 10-Feb-17 14:06:19

Tell him!

Suzietwo Fri 10-Feb-17 14:08:48

How on earth can you keep a pregnancy secret for 6 months???

Peanut14 Fri 10-Feb-17 14:11:06

No brainier-tell him! I don't think holding in till May is worth it for a surprise. You are marrying him and you want to withhold this huge news from him for a surprise?

Also what if you fainted or something and he didn't know you were pregnant.

The cons far outweighs the pros.

Milkmachine15 Fri 10-Feb-17 14:17:46

He works away alot so wouldn't really be that difficult it that's besides the point!! It's not as a surprise I just don't want him to worry...it destroyed him the last 2 times and he just changed the subject when I told him last pregnancy. He didn't even acknowledge it, we didn't talk about it, make any plans etc which I totally get- no expectation no disappointment. I don't want him to feel like that!

Milkmachine15 Fri 10-Feb-17 14:19:27

I'd d anything to make him happy, the last thing I want to do is make him more stressed when's he already has a lot going on and dont know if it's viable yet!

PurpleDaisies Fri 10-Feb-17 14:21:03

You have to tell him. It's really unfair not to, even if you think your motives are good.

What would happen if anything went wrong? Would you keep that to yourself as well? He needs to know.

I hope it works out for you. smile

PotteringAlong Fri 10-Feb-17 14:22:28

Now! How would you feel if he found out big, life changing news that affected you and he chose not to tell you for 3 months?

Kmxxx14 Fri 10-Feb-17 14:24:18

When Is the baby due? May is ages away. If you want to delay telling him then wait til 8 weeks or
Something & you could get an early scan. Usually if the baby has a heartbeat then there's a strong chance it'll stick. Then you could tell him if you feel more confident that it'll be ok.

I personally couldn't go through it for so long without telling him. He may not acknowledge it and discuss it but inside he will do.

BusterGonad Fri 10-Feb-17 14:25:08

If you must wait then maybe give it a week or 2, while you get used to the idea, I personally feel waiting until May is a bit cruel!

NerrSnerr Fri 10-Feb-17 14:29:00

I really don't think you can keep this a secret for all these months. Wouldn't you want his support if something went wrong? I get you're trying to spare his feelings but this is something that you should be experiencing together. Going through the rough with the smooth is what marriage is all about- I would seriously think about that,

Tubbyinthehottub Fri 10-Feb-17 14:31:28

Tell him, it'd be weird not to.

Milkmachine15 Fri 10-Feb-17 14:34:45

Would be due in October... both MCs we're post 11w so wouldn't even get any peace of mind from reassurance scan, we'd seen both heartbeats and still had the worry!! I just don't know what to do! On the one hand he should know but on the other hand why put him through it? So confused!!

iMatter Fri 10-Feb-17 14:34:46

You'll need his support whatever the outcome.

Tell him OP, please.

Good luck with your pregnancy.

ArriettyClock1 Fri 10-Feb-17 14:35:27

Totally weird not to tell him.

MuseumOfCurry Fri 10-Feb-17 14:36:55

You're supposed to support each other through these kinds of exciting/scary moments, not hold them in as a surprise. I find your reasoning a bit strange.

Good luck.

SleepFreeZone Fri 10-Feb-17 14:38:28

I totally understand as I've been in your position myself. I had ideas of only telling people once I was 'safe' but once you've had multiple losses you never actually feel safe, even at the end. So just tell him and lean on him and I wish you lots and lots of luck and sticky vibes flowers

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Fri 10-Feb-17 14:41:41

You both took the decision to ttc so why would you keep your pregnancy secret? His the babies father and your partner and your planning to marry so surely he has a right to know?

I think it's very strange to not tell him.

Jellybabie3 Fri 10-Feb-17 14:49:27

Youve got to tell him. Your in this together.

Oysterbabe Fri 10-Feb-17 14:58:42

Wouldn't he want to be at the 12 week scan?

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