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Family at the birth

(43 Posts)
chelle85 Thu 09-Feb-17 17:01:03

I am only due in August but my SIL gave birth yesterday and both sets of parents were at the hospital all through the labour and saw the baby immediately after the birth (like within minutes)

I was speaking to my husband about this last night as I feel like I only want him to be there and have time for skin to skin with baby and freshen myself up before I would want anyone else there. He seemed to think they would be upset by this but I don't think its unreasonable. Its not like i'm saying my parents can be there but his can't or that they can't meet baby for a week. I just want a couple of hours to myself and my husband.

What are your plans and do you think not having parents at the hospital for the birth is unreasonable?

BlahBlahBlahEtc Thu 09-Feb-17 17:10:05

My mum was there the first time, but everyone else waited at least 2 days to see the baby. This time it's just me and my partner, everyone else will wait 2 days 2 weeks depending on how close we are. I wouldn't want any one visiting me in hospital.
If you don't want them there, they shouldn't be there. It's your incredibly private moment (well apart from obv people). You're not responsible for them taking it badly.

Whatsername17 Thu 09-Feb-17 17:12:25

For both my kids I did the same as you. Only dh there. Dd2 is 3 weeks old tomorrow. She was born at 4.30pm and I told both sets of parents that I didn't want visitors that evening. It annoyed mil but I needed time to recover and time with dh, dd1 and dd2 together. Do what is right for you. Tell your dh that if they get upset because you want a bit of space it is there issue not yours. I deliberately chose a hospital with strict visiting hours too.

user1471495191 Thu 09-Feb-17 17:18:15

Yup, I had a strict DH only at the hospital policy. Both sets of parents were invited to the house once we came home.

Eminybob Thu 09-Feb-17 17:19:50

No no no way would I want anyone at the hospital apart from DH! We didn't even tell anyone I'd gone into labour until after DS was born.
Mil, FIL, bil and sil came to the hospital in the evening, a few hours afterwards.
My parents didn't see DS until a few weeks later as they live away.

babynelly2010 Thu 09-Feb-17 17:27:48

Dh only and birth plan said no relatives allowed. None of my family put a foot in the hospital. Everyone met baby at home.

WatchingFromTheWings Thu 09-Feb-17 17:33:06

You need to be very firm about your decision. My first DC was by emergency C section and following 2 DC were pre-arranged C section. On the first 2 my 'D'M turned up as I was being wheeled from theatre into recovery room despite being told to wait and we'd let her know when we were ready for visitors. Third time round I lied about the time I was booked in then she was phoned when I was ready to see her. She was sooooo pissed off but tough. Do what's best for you.

NameChange30 Thu 09-Feb-17 17:33:11

Having my parents and PILs at the birth would be my idea of hell. I only want DH and the midwives - if I was having anyone else it would be a professional doula.

My parents (who live 1h-1h30 away) will be welcome to visit me at the hospital/birth centre when I feel ready - hopefully a few hours after the birth if it all goes well (touch wood) - but not before.

If PILs lived nearby it would be the same rule for them, but they're further away so they will have to wait a bit longer before meeting the baby, because I categorically do not want them around until the baby is born.

I don't think I'm alone in this.

You're the one giving birth and you get to decide. If anyone is pissed off it's their problem. DH's job is to be your "gatekeeper".

Trifleorbust Thu 09-Feb-17 17:36:51

What SIL did is totally irrelevant - do what you want to do.

NataliaOsipova Thu 09-Feb-17 17:36:55

Parents at the birth? Dear God, no. Mind you, I wasn't that chuffed that DH wanted to be there - some things are definitely better without an audience! I'm surprised the hospital allowed the grandparents there to be honest; I always thought the DH/partner thing was just a courtesy as normally medical procedures are strictly just patients.

Ilovewillow Thu 09-Feb-17 17:37:45

I wouldn't have wanted anyone else at the birth. Our first was a hospital delivery and we went home the next day and didn't see relatives for a couple of days (they do live some distance away though, had they been local I would've been happy to see them when I was home). Second child was a Home birth and was just me, husband and my 5 yr old daughter. Again a few days before relatives descended. It was a very special time both times.

MyBreadIsEggy Thu 09-Feb-17 17:46:18

I had just me and my DH there for the actual birth both times. 1st in hospital, 2nd at home.
With my first, my parents came to the ward for visiting hours when DD was about 8 hours old.
With my second, my mum was in the house looking after my 17 month old. As soon as DS was born I was asking for my mum, so she met him when he was less than a minute old!

PotteringAlong Thu 09-Feb-17 17:53:53

Just me and DH at the births. Children met their new siblings before anyone else and to meet them with just us (i.e. No grandparents). Grandparents welcome at the hospital for visiting hours as long as children had all been introduced to each other grin

ExpectoPatronummmm Thu 09-Feb-17 18:23:49

I've had two babies and pregnant with my third. As close as I am to my Mam & sister there's no way I would have them in the room while I'm having a baby.
They did come at visiting time though

LastnightaDJ Thu 09-Feb-17 18:36:04

You are totally not BU. I'm not even sure that I want my husband at the birth this time round.

CocoLoco87 Thu 09-Feb-17 18:38:26

My parents came to see DC1 at first visiting time and PIL came at evening visiting time.
For DC2 MIL had an appt in the hospital the day they were born so she was allowed to pop in out of visiting time. My parents came in the evening.

I wouldn't have wanted them to be at hosp while I was in labour. I'd feel pressure to get the baby out quick. Have them cone to visit in the allocated time slots IF that's what you want. Your baby, your choice.

Trifleorbust Thu 09-Feb-17 18:42:21

Oh god, in the room? As if!

Gaaaah Thu 09-Feb-17 18:48:47

Never had my mum there as much as she tried to push me into it. Wouldn't have dreamed of it, she would have tried to take over and I'd have ended up slapping her probably.

When dh and I had our first child together, it was all planned that my mum would bring my older dc to the hospital first. I wanted the baby's siblings to see her. My mum had to come with them because they had stayed with her. Dhs parents just randomly showed up before they got there having not listened to dh at all. I was furious but had to go along with it as they just charged into the room.

It's your choice. Don't feel obliged to do anything just because sil did.

kissmewherethesundontshine Thu 09-Feb-17 18:59:12

I want my DS to be first to meet baby, can see family being a bit upset but it's tough! Stick to your guns OP

Ilovecaindingle Thu 09-Feb-17 19:10:57

Tell your dh if he is willing to sit here with his penis and testicles hanging out for all the family to see then they are welcome in the delivery room. .
Or tell them hospital advice is just to have the ones there who were present at the conception.?

KatnissMellark Thu 09-Feb-17 19:11:03

My Dad remained DH to ring him when I was in labour so he could come to the hospital the other day. I almost pissed myself laughing and told him not to be so ridiculous -what if I'm in labour for 3 days? What if I'm too poorly to see anyone? What if I'm a hormonal wreck struggling with BF and only want DH. No one is banned as such and I've not set any time limits but people will be informed once the birth is done amd dusted amd invited as appropriate according to mine and baby's health.

drinkyourmilk Thu 09-Feb-17 19:11:46

Only my DH will be at the birth.
My family live in another country so won't see baby for 2 weeks (tickets booked!), my dh family is only an hour away- we will see how I feel. I'm being induced so a possibility of a section.

likeacrow Thu 09-Feb-17 19:17:09

Ilovecaindingle grin laughing so much at this!
I'm expecting my first in 3 weeks and don't want anyone there apart from DH. My mum will get to see us shortly after as she'll be house/cat sitting for us and everyone else can wait until I'm ready, which may be the day or 2 after, parents in law included. If I need a shower and a sleep before facing people then so be it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Thu 09-Feb-17 19:35:46

It's not a performance. Not unusual for mums of mums to be there but not many mums have dads or in laws. Have who will make you feel more comfortable. SIL was unusual. Bet MIL didn't have all the family present. (My mil didn't even have Gil present, apparently wasn't an option in 1973).

SquedgieBeckenheim Thu 09-Feb-17 19:41:38

I don't really get the whole thing of family hanging around at the hospital during labour and seeing baby straight away. I only had DH with me. I had pre-eclampsia and so DD was premature. Both DD and I were very poorly, so visits in the first couple weeks had to visit the hospital.
My parents were staying with us to dog sit, so they came up to the hospital later that day. My brother just happened to be visiting the area the next day so he was the next one to visit. The in-laws came up a couple days later. Friends had to wait till we were all home.

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