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Regretting abortion due to Hyperamasis

(2 Posts)
user1475665394 Thu 09-Feb-17 09:49:13

I'm 38 and have two children 11 & 9, back in September I found out I was pregnant (not sure how!), this wasn't planned and I had doubts due to my age and the age gap. At 6 weeks I started with morning sickness, and to cut along story short ended up in hospital on a drip and was diagnosed with Hyperamasis. Hyperamasis is a horrible thing to have I certainly don't have the words to explain what it's like, it's similar to having a sickness bug everyday all day x 20. I couldn't stand the smell of things and the feeling of movement around me, such as my husband turning in bed, moving around the bedroom, even putting his socks on, everything churned my stomach. You go through the motions of being sick but not actually bringing anything up 30-40 times a day. I continued like this for 5 weeks spending most of the time in hospital. It was sole destroying and made me feel like a cabbage! I then choose to have an abortion and I can't forgive myself for doing so. At the time I was 100% sure I was making the right decision but now I totally regret it and can't get it out of my head. It consumes me all the time, I do get on with life as normal and put on this front. I had a scan at 6 & 10 weeks and saw my baby and the heartbeat and I just can't get it into my head that I actually killed that heartbeat and did what I did, it's not like me, even other people can't believe I did it as it's so uncharacteristic of me. I have thought about getting pregnant again but know that I would have a high chance of Hyperamasis again, I do think that I could maybe cope with it better knowing what I know now, but is having another baby really the answer, as it feels as though I'm trying to replace the one I killed? I can talk to people and my husband kind of understands but it's not the same for them, he Won't remember the due date in years to come or think about how far on I would be now (24wks). It's really affecting my relationship with him, he's not doing anything wrong and is trying but it's me, I'm just pushing him away. I feel that maybe by getting this out on here may help me and help me to move on.

xStefx Thu 09-Feb-17 09:52:12

Hi there, I had to comment as I could have written this myself. I aborted October 2015 due to hyperemesis too. I had actually been trying for the baby and it was loved and wanted. I lost just under 2 stone in 6 weeks and no matter how many anti sickness drugs I tried Ondansatron, Metoclopramide, cyclizene ..... it just wouldn't let up. My Dh suggested the termination thinking he was going to loose me and our sons mum. I then caught again a few months later by accident and had an ectopic and lost a tube. Now im not sure ill ever have anymore children and it kills me, im so ashamed of not being strong enough to go the whole way with the bay we conceived and I feel like im gonna be punished forever. I cry daily, its been over a year and I don't think ill ever get over it. I just wanted you top know your not alone. Im so sorry. Go to helpher.com they are amazing and genuinely help me

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