Ie don't get smashed every night whilst pregnant or completely disregard safe sleeping guidelines.... BUT baby wear/don't, breastfeed/don't, baby led wean or feed purees, use 123 magic or gentle parenting...Basically as long as it doesn't endanger/damage your child, do what suits you, your partner and your DC.
I've stopped looking and trying to fit a box. If DS needs a nap he has one, if he doesn't I don't stress. If he's hungry I feed him if he's playing I leave him to it. If he's exploring I let him. I've stopped panicking about "oh god he's been awake 75 minutes he should be asleep by now for an hour and then I need to feed him but that means he's had more than yesterday argh!!"
He makes the routine which has worked for all of us. It also means if we need to go out then we can and he works round us too. Worrying about all the timings and the 'rules' as you say just left me crying when it wasn't working. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do - you do what works for you. DS can sleep in his cot in the day but he's equally happy in my arms, and so am I. If cuddling my baby is ever seen as a negative then I don't want to read that guidance!
I'm not sure I agree there are rules as such, obviously points that we all follow for the good of baby/our health ie. When pregnant avoid alchohol/don't smoke/don't go ice skating etc and then when baby is born don't give honey under 1/careful when co sleeping/don't fall asleep on sofa etc etc but again these are more guidance points rather than rules? He or she is your baby, it's your decision how to raise him or her how you see fit. One thing I've found is that for every 'rule' currently bandied about, you will find a culture that is doing exactly the opposite and babies are all doing fine.
There are no rules. There are guidelines. You can choose to ignore them or not as you see fit. You just need to be aware that so e of them (e.g. Safe sleeping) are there for very specific and serious reasons.