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Does dp NEED to attend antenatal classes?

(30 Posts)
glitterkitty Tue 27-Feb-07 13:43:31

Just to explain, he is happy to come along- its the first time for both of us and the more you know the better, right? And as he's the only person I want at the birth I really want him to know whats going to happen.

Unfortunatly tho a couple of the classes clash with his working patterns- and because of his job there's no option of missing part of the day/taking time off- he has to apply for leave and he might not get it. The only option is for him to fake being sick- what I want to know is is it worth it?

Any opinions gratefully recieved...

toadstool Tue 27-Feb-07 13:47:56

My DH didn't attend the NHS antenatal classes because we did 2 NCT weekends together, which were far more informative. Only one DH attended for the whole NHS class group, and I'm afraid he dominated a bit, trying to be funny, talking about his back problems, etc. I think he was embarrassed.

Donk Tue 27-Feb-07 13:49:14

I'm not sure that I'd fake being sick - but I was very glad that DH shared the experience so to speak.....
Everybody at our antenatal classes had someone with them - but not always dp - one youngish lass came with her mother.

Donk Tue 27-Feb-07 13:50:14

We also did an NCT class which we found far more helpful.......
But I know that not everyone on MN is a fan of NCT classes....

Chloe55 Tue 27-Feb-07 13:51:20

You could get just as much info as what I was told from the net, as Toadstool said I have heard the NCT classes are much more informative. DH and I actually missed the birthing class because I had ds the day before!

BarryTook Tue 27-Feb-07 13:51:24

why doesn't he offer to take another of the dada out for a beer afterwards for a quick summary

BarryTook Tue 27-Feb-07 13:51:33

dads

beckybrastraps Tue 27-Feb-07 13:56:38

Mine didn't go to any, because he had already moved down south by the time they started.

He seemed to cope.

glitterkitty Tue 27-Feb-07 13:58:14

Thanks- we tried to get NCT classes but fully booked- so its NHS or nothing. And anyway- £175?! I was quite glad it was booked up- would have been a stretch for us to pay that!

Barrytook- He's quite shy- I honestly cant see him bonding with other dads in just one class to the point of going for a beer with them!

Mumpbump Tue 27-Feb-07 13:58:22

I can't comment on the value of the NHS classes, but the NCT classes were good and as your dh might have to evaluate options and "fight your corner" with a bunch of medics, I think it would be better if he did go. I think the NCT classes tend to fit in around working hours too.

Iklboo Tue 27-Feb-07 13:59:01

Dh did but felt like a spare part most of the time. BUT I suppose that prepared him for being in the delivery room where he felt like a spare part most of the time.........

KathyMCMLXXII Tue 27-Feb-07 13:59:21

He needs to know stuff. If he's the sort of person who will be committed enough to get the info from elsewhere, I don't think there is any need at all for him to attend.

The only thing that might be worth skiving work for is if the classes include a hospital tour - useful for him to know in advance where the entrance is, where to park, where to get a cup of tea etc.

Chloe55 Tue 27-Feb-07 14:02:28

Yeah, the hospital tour put both of us at ease at little bit - and he will need to know where to go when you really couldn't give a shit where you are going

glitterkitty Tue 27-Feb-07 14:05:26

LMAO Chloe! Luckily he is not on duty for the tour one so he can come to that- and one other- its the other two he cant do. Sounds like that will be enough, will just have to go alone and take notes!

foxybrown Tue 27-Feb-07 14:07:16

Nope. Guess it'd be good if he went to some but I don't think they tell you anything you couldn't get from other sources.
The best thing about going was making the friends I made. We kept it going afterwards meeting for long lazy lunches whilst our bundles of joy slept in their seats under the table .... oh happy days! Thats why I wouldn't have missed the classes.

GooseyLoosey Tue 27-Feb-07 14:07:37

Niether of us did any ante-natal stuff and not sure we were the worse off for it. For the people I know, the best thing they got from it were the people they met who they kept in touch with afterwards - and it was mainly the mothers who kept in touch.

foxybrown Tue 27-Feb-07 14:09:37

BTW if you speak to the hospital they often have evening tours, so you don't necessarily have to go when the class does.

EllieKwithaHUGEbump Tue 27-Feb-07 14:10:12

hey glitterkitty

i did them on my own with ds and his dad was just as helpful during birth, the tour is def. the most important one IMO

Eleusis Tue 27-Feb-07 14:10:50

Why doesn't he ask for the time off. And if they say no then you go. I went to the classes myself because my DH worked in Ireland at the time. I held my head high and just got on with it. But, to be perfectly honest I was a bit bitter about having to go alone when everyone else had a husband/partner there.

But, not nearly as bitter as I was about the NHS scheduling the ones that men were to attend in the evening, but the one for women were during the day. What like I don't have a job to go to? Sexist pigs. Okay, I've wondered way off topic. Sorry.

Anyway, if my DH made an honest request and tried to go but was told np, then I wouldn't be bitter. I'd just go.

foxybrown Tue 27-Feb-07 14:12:55

Am just wondering if they can say no ... women have a right to time off to attend classes. Are there any paternity rights I wonder...?

EllieKwithaHUGEbump Tue 27-Feb-07 14:14:29

sadly no, men are not entitled to it like we are, is down to discretion of employer

Mumpbump Tue 27-Feb-07 14:15:06

foxybrown - I was wondering that, but thought it was only antenatal appointments, ie. scans, etc, rather than antenatal classes. Might be worth checking out though.

beckybrastraps Tue 27-Feb-07 14:16:02

I didn't feel bitter about going alone.

But I think the others thought I was making dh up.

Booboobedoo Tue 27-Feb-07 14:16:05

OTOH most hospitals offer tours anyway, don't they?

We went on one of our local labour ward, and decided on a homebirth there and then!

I'm glad DH came to classes with me: I feel like he's got to grips with all the essentials, and I can trust him to fight my corner if necessary. I know you can read up on stuff, but lots of DPs seem to stay in denial until alarmingly late in the proceedings. Classes act as a reality check.

glitterkitty Tue 27-Feb-07 14:18:03

Hi Eleusis- he has asked but they:
a) are not required by law to let you go
b) are not going to let him go
c) have said he needs to put in a request for leave as its the only way he MIGHT be able to attend
d) cannot guarentee he will get the leave

If he puts in a request and gets turned down, he cant then go off sick as it would be pretty obvious he was bunking off and he would be up on a disciplinary- which is why the dilemma!

I agree with the timings- the annoying thing is ours are 4 till 6pm- he would only need to miss part of his shift and then go in but apparently thats not acceptable

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