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I feel suicidal over baby anxiety.

(29 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

JessieMillz25 Mon 06-Feb-17 21:33:37

I am 29 weeks pregnant. I have not enjoyed a single second of it since 18 weeks when I first started to feel the baby move. I am consumed with thinking about the baby's movements. My baby has no real pattern or consistency which makes me my panic constantly especially when I read you should go to to the hospital if they break the pattern or stop moving ect. Sometimes she doesn't move for hours and hours and I feel so sick and panicky and scared. I have already been in 3 times for reduced movement. It's affecting my job and my relationships because everyone thinks it's in my head. I don't want to live like this anymore. I am obsessed with thinking about dying so I don't have to deal with this anxiety anymore. I have been fighting really hard to not self harm again (I did this at uni 5/6 years ago) I'm constantly daydreaming about getting hit by a car ect. I am with the mental health midwives. Get checkups on the baby every two weeks and am on anti-anxiety medicine. I also do yoga and meditation but nothing soothes me.

picklemepopcorn Mon 06-Feb-17 21:38:14

I'm really glad you are seeing the right team, and being looked after.

If it is any help to you, I hated being pregnant, just wanted it to be over, was miserable and wanted to not be pregnant. I ended up with a lovely son, and was a perfectly good mum, happy ending.

If you can, just mark off the days until it is over, because it will be ok in the end. You just have to get through it.


IonaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 06-Feb-17 23:22:51

Hi there Jessie.

We're so sorry to hear you're having such a time of it. Pregnancy can be an extremely anxious time for anyone but if you throw any additional worries into the mix, it's horrendous.

Firstly, at 29 weeks, you really should only just be beginning to spot 'patterns' so please don't fret. We've more information on all that here on our page on monitoring your baby's movements. If that's just going to make you more worried, please do skip it, but it's a good basic indicator of when to worry and when not to.

The thing to remember is that doctors and midwives are never sorry to see a worried mum-to-be come through their door. If there's nothing wrong (and the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists say that in 70% of pregnancies with a single case of reduced foetal movement, there are no complications), they are ALWAYS just pleased to be able to reassure you and send you on your way.

Although it's always a good idea to be aware of your baby's movements, it does sound as though this fear is rather taking over and spoiling your enjoyment of what should be a happy time. We're pleased to see you've already had support on this thread but if the feelings you're experiencing are making you feel suicidal we would urge you to seek real life support as soon as possible, so professionals can listen to your worries and help you get back on track.

There are a few contact numbers for organisations that specialise in helping women with mental health concerns during pregnancy here. They're definitely worth contacting if you can't get an appointment immediately.

We really hope you can get the support and help you need and start to enjoy what is undeniably scary but should also be a joyful time. You've a right to be happy now, so we really hope you find the help you need to get there. Congratulations on your pregnancy and please do pop back and let us know how you get on.

Jenniferb21 Mon 06-Feb-17 23:30:59

Please don't worry about reduced movements my baby hardly moved and I was checked so many time and he like doing being in a strange position. I hated beging pregnant as I was sick I to 20 times a day from week 6 until I gave birth. I was really really down but as soon as I held my little boy I knew it was all worth it and Id do it again now

Get some support and keep in contact with him your midwife. Be honest with family about your worries. Have a warm bath in the evening this relaxed me and was usually when baby moved a tiny IT for me.

Also remember you are already a brilliant Mummy you are growing a little person who is depending on you xxxxx

haveacupoftea Mon 06-Feb-17 23:55:56

I think you need to discuss this with your GP and see about getting your medication changed or dosage adjusted as soon as you can flowers only ten weeks to go - as popcorn says just take it a day at a time.

picklemepopcorn Tue 07-Feb-17 07:16:00

How are you today Jessie?

AmethystRaven Tue 07-Feb-17 07:32:10

I had anxiety and antenatal depression so I can sympathise. It's so tough.

It might not be for you, but knitting really helped me. I chose a very simple newborn cardigan pattern and each night when the anxiety ramped up I made a camomile tea and got the knitting out, the rhythm of it really helped.

I hope you find a way to feel better. Call your GP or midwife and be honest how you feel, it shouldn't be this bad flowers

Mrscrabtree Tue 07-Feb-17 08:06:01

Hi Jessie, just to reiterate what mumsnet have said - if you're having suicidal thoughts you need to let someone know about that so they can support you. Can you call your MH midwife today? It sounds to me like you would benefit from some talking therapy as well as medication. Therapy is different to a fortnightly check in and is very effective for anxiety. Perhaps you can ask your midwife about the availability of it? You're already doing everything you can and that's great news. There's no harm in needing some extra support at this tough time xxx

JessieMillz25 Tue 07-Feb-17 09:06:33

Hello ladies,
Thank you for all the kind messages. I have been completely exhausted the past week or so and am hoping a nice break at half term will help me recuperate and be able to see things more clearly.
I am going to request therapy but being a school teacher it is difficult to find appointments I can make. I am also avoiding instagram and reading about other peoples wriggly/tap dancing babies and trying to keep clear in my mind that all babies are different and nobody is going to post on instagram that they are concerned about their baby's lack of pattern.
Another day is done and we are a day closer to meeting her. I do keep ticking off the days (or hours at the moment) thank you again for the kind replies.

picklemepopcorn Tue 07-Feb-17 13:59:32

Good plan. I had a baby that just hadn't read the manual. Well, if he had it was only to make sure he wasn't predictable. They are all unique, as are our bodies. Have a lovely rest over half term.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Tue 07-Feb-17 14:16:36

@JessieMillz25 - I suffer from depression and anxiety, and have done for many years - long before I had my children. However, it wasn't diagnosed until much later, after I had had all three of them.

I can well remember the anxieties of pregnancy - I was told at the time that it was very normal to be anxious, and that is probably true, especially the first time round as you have no idea what to expect, and what is and isn't normal. However, if someone already suffers from mental health issues, as you and I do, these worries can become much bigger - so I can absolutely sympathise and empathise with how you are feeling.

I am glad that you are getting support from your healthcare professionals, and I hope you manage to get a good rest over half term. I hope that you can find support on here too - Mumsnet is a wonderful place when you need advice and help, in my experience.

I think it is also good that you are able to express your fears and anxieties, both here and in real life to your mental health team. Taking these fears out of your head and examining them in the clear light of day can help to cut them down to size and make you see them for what they are - fears, not realities.

I worried through each of my pregnancies, including right up to the point of birth, in the case of ds3, but none of my anxieties became realities, and I have three strapping, healthy lads - two at university and one who has graduated and is in actual paid employment.

I worried a lot during their childhoods - hell, I still worry about them even though I know they are old enough to look after themselves, and are reasonably sensible (within a fairly broad definition of sensible, admittedly). You don't stop worrying about them, but as time goes by, you see your worries don't come true, and that helps.

I hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy more, and look forward to the arrival of your lovely baby.


Helbelle75 Tue 07-Feb-17 14:36:36

I could have written this myself. Also a teacher, although have had time off due to illness and am off today as been in the hospital due to reduced movements. Feel so horribly guilty.
Today was my second time for reduced movement at 31 weeks. Both times baby has moved position and is almost hiding. But I'm anxious over everything. Pre-eclampsia, leaking amniotic fluid, eating the wrong thing, sleeping on my back. I'm exhausted with it all.
Work isn't helping as I feel permanently guilty about things I'm no longer able to do.
I had a mmc last year, and in my head I can't imagine a baby at the end of this pregnancy. It's exhausting.
I hope you manage to talk to your midwife and feel better about things.

Lunalovepud Tue 07-Feb-17 15:12:03

Just wanted to add my support here for all your warrior mamas who are battling daily with depression and anxiety... brew cake

I had awful depression and anxiety with DC1 - pre and post natal and like you Jessie I was worried about movements constantly and was in and out of hospital all the time getting things checked out. I found things a million time easier when he DC actually arrived and I could see him.

It's great that you have some support from the mental health midwives... Have you also discussed how you feel with your GP? They may have some additional mental health support in your area which might help - I had some excellent CBT when I was pregnant - without it I would have gone completely bonkers.

I also found knitting helpful, just like amethyst - I am not very good at it though so DC has some very interesting clothing and toys. wink

The most important thing to remember is that these concerns and worries only show what an awesome mother you are, already ferociously protecting your baby. I know 10 weeks seems like a lifetime but it really isn't... Soon your little one will be here and then the fun begins!

Also if it helps at all, I am currently expecting DC2 and so far I have been very well and haven't had any of the same complications. It is really isn't forever and you are doing brilliantly. Best of luck to you. flowers

JessieMillz25 Tue 07-Feb-17 17:11:09

Thank you again ladies. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Though my family is supportive I feel like I must be a stuck record for them. I have spoken to my midwife today, she has arranged for some more mental health care. I just wish I could take a break from all these thoughts. Like Helle said it's exhausting. Even watching TV/lying in bed is a cause of anxiety because that's when I've read the baby should move 🙈🙈🙈.

vfoster Tue 07-Feb-17 17:39:58

Hello! Just wanted to say that I have had anxiety so know just how awful it can be!
After my first daughter it got so bad I had invasive suicidal thoughts. After speaking to my family I was able to reach out to my health visior and I had some time off work. It took a while but slowly I felt better.
There wasn't 1 thing that changed it for me; more a combination of many things and time to heal. I went to groups (not about depression but it helped to talk to others); I went to some CBT sessions and learnt to push myself slowly out of my comfort zone and I tried lots of little techniques like positive quotes every morning. Crafty things helped to as they were small tasks that I could succeed at! It's strange how small victories can make such a big difference!
Another thing that helped me massively was thinking about nothing being permanent. Things change every day, in small ways and big ways but it always helped to think that in a day/week/year would I worry about this?
I'm pregnant baby number two now and can slowly feel the anxiety returning. I'm a teacher too and I don't think our line of work helps with anxiety! It's worth remembering that the burgundy book states that if your midwife/doctor sends you for an appointment your school have to let you go (even for relaxation sessions and the like).
Sorry for the ramble, I guess I just wanted to say you're not alone. You are doing something wonderful!
Best of luck flowers I find this site a nice way to realise that other people are going through/ have been through the same thing x

JessieMillz25 Tue 07-Feb-17 18:42:29

Thanks guys. These messages have really made such a difference. I feel much calmer today (could be because I have felt the baby quite a bit today) I also have company tonight which I think helps. I'm sure I will feel better when she is here she isn't solely my responsibility and OH can help out!

Helbelle75 Tue 07-Feb-17 19:24:16

I don't know about you, but because I can't see baby, I'm struggling. I think I'll be a lot more settled when baby arrives. Maybe it's a being out of control thing with me.

ellesbellesxxx Tue 07-Feb-17 19:32:02

Pregnancy is hard isn't it? I was watching "what to expect" when Elizabeth Banks starts crying that growing a human being is really hard work.. so so true!

Glad the midwife is helping flowers

JessieMillz25 Tue 07-Feb-17 19:44:44

hel I totally agree with the not being able to see. Wish I had a little window to her! How can we be calm about keep safe when all we have to go by is their movements!

Helbelle75 Tue 07-Feb-17 19:58:45

I know. I have massive health anxiety anyway, stemming from illnesses when I was younger. Ironically, I've kept myself very fit and healthy since, but still worry about things going wrong.

Jenniferb21 Tue 07-Feb-17 19:59:18

Try lying on your left side after having something sugary like Coke (obviously not too often as a healthy diet is important) i was told to do this and that's when I felt a lot of movements. I used to panic like crazy sometimes as I'd get home from work and realise I hadn't felt my baby kick or move all day but I'd realise that when you're so busy you don't pay much attention. So if you're a teacher I imagine this is the case for you!

Try a warm bath at night time and spend some time in the room your baby will be in to feel close to her. Just remember everything passes and believe me the last few weeks fly by xxx

Helbelle75 Tue 07-Feb-17 20:11:51

I have a kick counter bracelet for during the day. Bubs is normally active morning and evening.
My awkward little tyke doesn't seem to respond to the cold, sugary drink!
Going to try and chill, want to enjoy this pregnancy!

MinnieNoush Tue 07-Feb-17 20:30:43

Hi jessie, i'm so glad you have felt that you can come on here and talk to us. Please know we all understand how anxious being pregnant can make you feel. I'm 32 weeks and still don;t really feel like I have regular patterns of movement with my baby, all I know is sometime he moves and sometimes he doesn't but there are definitely hours and hours where he doesn't move at all. It's really normal to feel scared and anxious as a first time mum and you are doing so well. Just keep reminding yourself that every day is a day closer to meeting this wonderful life you are creating. Being this concerned about your baby's life before they are even here just shows what a great mum you are going to be so please keep reminding yourself if that!! When you feel like you are having suicidal thoughts please please come on here and talk to people, or pick up the phone and call one of the helplines provided.

JessieMillz25 Fri 17-Feb-17 17:03:13

Hello ladies. Had been feeling really good but have had a very low day today. I'm so hot but can manage to cool down and my stepdad keeps putting the heating on full (my house is a building site so I'm staying at my mum's) baby was going crazy earlier and rather than enjoying feeling her I'm now paranoid that her cord is round her neck or something. I've felt her move as normal a few times since. Any advice on how to calm down?

bellatrixlestrange124 Fri 17-Feb-17 17:35:13

Hi Jessie. I have no specific advice to offer on baby's movement as I haven't been pregnant, but I think it's normal to have periods when they move a lot - but if in doubt could you call your midwife for reassurance on that point more generally? I'm sure they'll be some posts in a minute to say that's completely normal so please try not to worry. I think it's reassuring that you've been feeling her moving as normal since - try and focus on that.

As for how to calm down, have you tried doing any breathing exercises? I would try and google some. I might also write down my thoughts and feelings but also write down that your baby has been checked and seems well and happy. Maybe give yourself 5 minutes to worry, then try and decide after that you're going to keep yourself occupied with something else. Have you got friends you could see? Something else that could distract you?

What more support have you got from the mental health team?

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