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Never thought I'd feel like this

(40 Posts)
Dolwar Mon 06-Feb-17 04:09:38

In the last 2 days I have found out that 3 of my colleagues are pregnant, all around 16 weeks. I didn't think I'd be that bothered but it feels like such a kick in the teeth. Obviously I'm really happy for them but it makes me feel so down and inadequate.

Oysterbabe Mon 06-Feb-17 08:52:53

Are you trying? How long has it been?
Pregnancy announcements are hard when it's what you want. I've just started ttc and almost explode with jealousy when my very pregnant colleague asks me to feel her baby kicking.

Dolwar Mon 06-Feb-17 12:17:50

Yeah we're trying but I came off the pill in December and still no AF. Hubby getting a bit down about it despite the fact it's really early days in the grand scheme of things but I know it's my body all up the creek and so I fell like it's my fault. I'm not a big baby person in all honesty, I prefer them a bit older but this weekend finding out 3 people are expecting is a massive kick in the teeth.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Mon 06-Feb-17 12:21:26

December is, at the absolute most, two months ago. That's no time at all, which admittedly you already know, but honestly, these things can and do take time and it doesn't mean anything is necessarily wrong with you. I know it must be hard and especially when it seems so in your face that other people are expecting.

PotteringAlong Mon 06-Feb-17 12:23:56

December? As in 6 weeks ago? My lovely, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, you can't do this to yourself. You are potentially going to be in for long hard haul if you're like this after 6 weeks.

FluffyEwok Mon 06-Feb-17 12:31:41

Were 18 mnths in and on ivf list for some perspective

buckyou Mon 06-Feb-17 12:34:40

I think you need to get over yourself and have a bit of patience! You've only just come off the pill!

Dolwar Mon 06-Feb-17 14:27:40

If you actually READ my post buck, I'm not getting impatient. I know it takes time but I also know full well that it is my body that is the issue not dh's so I have that little layer of guilt. Iknow it takes afew months for your body to settle down, I don't need anyone to give me perspective. Does that stop me from feeling a little bit rubbish when 3 friends announce they are expecting? NO!

FluffyEwok Mon 06-Feb-17 14:31:36


EverythingEverywhere1234 Mon 06-Feb-17 14:38:52

Ay up, no need to be so rude. The very nature of your post Dolwar invites 'perspective' posts, you know.

buckyou Mon 06-Feb-17 14:39:03

You do know that people take years to conceive and have loads of heartbreak on the way, right? And you are moaning about a few weeks.

Don't mean to be horrible but you've got to be a bit realistic about these things!

NameChange30 Mon 06-Feb-17 15:03:39

It took me months for my periods to get back to normal after stopping the pill. Stopped in September and my cycles were all over the place for about 6 months. I got pregnant in June, so 9 months after stopping the pill.

I think "get over yourself" was a nasty thing to say. But I agree with the others in that you need to be realistic and manage your expectations - it will probably take some time and that's ok. There's nothing wrong with your body if it takes a while for you to have a period after using hormonal contraception for (presumably) quite some time.

Libbylove2015 Mon 06-Feb-17 15:14:46

I don't think you should feel guilty OP - I can't imagine your husband was that upset that you have been able to have lots of contraceptive free sex for the last few years!

Three of my friends took 18m to 2 years to conceive after the pill - prepare yourself for a long wait and you never know, you may well be pleasantly surprised!

Breadwidow Mon 06-Feb-17 15:30:01

Dolwar, you've got a rough ride on this thread. I totally know how you feel which is also very dependant on experiences of others you know. It only took me 5/6 months to conceive DS but as my two closest friends had got pregnant within weeks (or days!) of ditching the contraception it felt like an AGE. Like you I got rather depressed when I heard about others being pregnant, and I think the fact that I'd wanted a baby for a year or despite only trying for a few months added to the pain. Only with hindsight do I see it all happened quite quickly & I was very lucky. Hope you get the happy news soon. I should add the wanting it makes it all the more exciting & relished in the end. With DD (no2) i got pregnant on the first try and was so bloody shocked so I think it kinda took away from the joy!

wishmeluck16 Mon 06-Feb-17 15:36:01

I think this subject is actually really interesting.

I was told by my gyneocologist that the "coming off the pill" thing is a myth and that body restors itself straight away and fertility is not affected. to back this up, my friend came of the pill and was pregnant the following month.

HOWEVER I see here that many have had their cycles affected!

dolwar I think I sort of see how you feel as you expected things to go back to normal straight away and your partner is waiting to "start" trying. However you are only 2 weeks late on your period and I am sure it will come soon!

it took me 3 years to conceive and I only finally got there through IVF and a lot of drugs and pain. you will be ok and its not been long hun. it could be a hell of lot worse....

hearyoume Mon 06-Feb-17 15:39:59

OP I was jealous of pregnant women before we even started trying blush

NinaMarieP Mon 06-Feb-17 16:16:38

Hang on in there.

I remember after 2-3 months of trying a work colleague announced she was unexpectedly pregnant not long after coming back from maternity leave. Deep down I knew that 2-3 months was not long to have been trying - and some people go through that for years - but it didn't stop me feeling awful. I had a row with a customer that afternoon because I felt so crap and ended up sobbing in the staff room after.
It can be really hard when you see people getting or having what you so desperately want, but you just have to try your best to acknowledge the misery then move on and think positive.
I got pregnant on our sixth attempt (so bang on average for a couple trying for their first baby) but there were times that it felt it would never, ever happen. In that time another colleague announced she was pregnant too and I went through the same feelings of "why isn't it me" and of feeling jealous etc.
Just because someone's had a worse ride than you on the way to a baby DOES NOT mean you aren't entitled to feel upset at whatever stage you're at. But who knows, maybe those colleagues you are upset about have taken a long time to conceive themselves, it's not something that a lot of people talk abut publicly.
Anyway, keep your chin up. You can always make an appointment to see your doctor if you're concerned about the lack of period. I'm not sure what they could do, they may just say 'it can take x months' but at least you could feel like you'd done something.

PurpleParadise2016 Mon 06-Feb-17 16:34:09

A few years ago I came off the injection when trying for my second child and it took me 9 months just to have a period. Its going to take a bit of time but please don't think there is anything wrong with you and don't let your husband make you feel guilty as there is nothing wrong its just your body getting back to normal.

Hollyhop17 Mon 06-Feb-17 16:35:51

It took us 8 months to concieve our first, which although felt like a long time, was actually pretty short in comparison to what others go through. I think being upset after only 6 weeks when some people wait years is not hugely sensitive to others..

PurpleDaisies Mon 06-Feb-17 16:41:20

I think being upset after only 6 weeks when some people wait years is not hugely sensitive to others..

I don't agree. The op feels how she feels. She can't help it and it's not as if she's posting in infertility or talking to people she knows in real life. It's really hard not being pregnant when you want to be, sometimes regardless of whether it's only been a "normal" amount of time to try.

Op it is early days and there's nothing to worry about yet. I hope things work out for you.

Hollyhop17 Mon 06-Feb-17 16:44:43

I was mainly referring to her 'I dont need perspective' comment from someone who has been trying for 18 months and is now on an IVF waiting list. If she didn't want perspective I'm not sure what the point of her post was.

NameChange30 Mon 06-Feb-17 16:45:41

I agree with Purple, we can't help our feelings and it's not "insensitive to others" to feel anything - what would be insensitive is acting on those feelings (by saying/doing something) without considering others.

I do think it's normal to really want a baby when you decide to start TTC, even if you haven't quite started yet or haven't been trying long, because it's a big decision and it's important to be sure that you want it first! I remember those pangs of newborn baby / pregnancy envy being a sure sign I really was ready to start trying!

NameChange30 Mon 06-Feb-17 16:47:46

Cross post with Holly, yes I see your point about that.

Somehowsomewhere Mon 06-Feb-17 16:48:38

My cycles didn't go back to normal for 13 months after coming off the pill. DD1 took 20 months TTC. DD2 conceived while breastfeeding an 11 month old and while on the mini pill.... bodies are a strange thing!
6 weeks is nothing really, my normal cycle is 42 days long (6 weeks!).
Good luck OP

Funnyonion17 Mon 06-Feb-17 16:49:56

Give the OP a break everyone. We all know the two week wait feels like years not weeks. 6 weeks or 6 months the OP is bound to get a bit consumed by it all. Op when you conceive none of this will matter.

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