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Co parenting in two countries

(2 Posts)
user1470238134 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:43:05

I've got myself in a situation and I need some advice. So Ive been living here for almost a year in uk but am from Australia. I haven't been with boyfriend long but I got pregnant and now am 9weeks. I wasn't very careful as we both mentioned we wouldn't mind a child, I'm getting on in age so it led to me not being as careful as I would otherwise. I thought he was a nice guy one to settle down with as all my exes were abusive. However I now realize that I've rushed in. And just because he's a nice guy doesn't mean we're automatically compatible. Before I found out I was pregnant, I had made up in my mind that I would break it off with him and I felt such relief, why hang on to something that isn't there and that perhaps I'm not actually ready for. I feel like since I broke up with my ex I went straight into this relationship when it should've been me time.

I just want to go back to my simple life with just me and my son doing as we please and my home being my home. The problem is my son wants to go back home and I'm not sure we can even live here, boyfriend cannot come to live in Australia with no visa which will mean I will return as a single mum and I don't think I can cope with that. He had lived there previously and that's where we met, he said he would be able to go back there and made it sound easy but upon now being pregnant he's saying it's not that simple and the only way he could live there is to get married which I obviously don't want to do. I hate the thought of not following through on the pregnancy because I put myself in this position and I'm not sure I could cope mentally if I did that either.

I wish I could wake up tommorow and it be a dream but it's not. My boyfriend desperately wants to be a father, should I let him be primary carer and come up with some kind of arrangement where I'm still involved. Has anyone been in a situation like this where they've shared custody in two countries, i know it's not ideal but thats life, I suffer anxiety and depression so the thought of taking this responsibility on with little to no help from father overwhelms me and ideally if we weren't together I would want to co parent.

millyhopemum Fri 03-Feb-17 22:00:05

Is there any way of agreeing to one country for during the pregnancy and the first few months of the babys life maybe? So you can get support from one another?
Whichever visa is easiest?
My boyfriend is from south korea and we met a few years back when he lived in australia for work. Hes now with me here in UK on 2 year working visa. And i found out i was pregnant in November.
He wants to get residency here so i wouldnt know what its like to be parents in 2 different countries. But i think you guys need to sit and have a real good talk over at each option for whatever country.
I hope it works well for you. Good luck x

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