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Help should I get a new midwife

(95 Posts)
Beth6487 Mon 30-Jan-17 15:55:44

Hi
I've been having a panicky pregnancy im a first time mum and everything seems really scary and my midwife doesn't answer her phone and only works 3 days a week
If I have a question or anything minor I find myself having to ring my hospital because I can't get though to her.
I texted her this morning as baby had changed positions and I was feeling kicks near my pelvis and me with my anxiety was thinking about horrible possibilities, I texted her asking if it was normal if t was the baby moving or should I be worried and this was at half 8 this morning I've still heard nothing back.
I feel very ignored and to say she's supposed to be a part of my health care and responsible for a part of my care I don't feel like she is.
Has anyone else had the same problem what should I do? I have a severe anxiety disorder and when I need reassurance I feel like I have nowhere to turn to and no one to ask about anything as i don't really leave my house or confide in people as the responses I get off of people around me is blunt and obnoxious and I get told I worry too much and to basically shut up.

Afreshstartplease Mon 30-Jan-17 15:57:42

Sounds like you need help for your anxiety TBH and I don't think mw is the person to do that. Try your gp.

Ineededtonamechange Mon 30-Jan-17 16:05:37

I've never messaged my midwife. It wouldn't even occur to me. I'd call your gp and discuss the pregnancy and anxiety with them.

Beth6487 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:06:22

i am getting help with my anxiety and a lot of things I do put down to my anxiety when I worry. However, being told to contact my midwife if I have any problems, and then not getting through is the main thing and I was just wondering if anyone else has had this problem.

NoraDora Mon 30-Jan-17 16:09:55

Your midwife sounds normal. You sound like you are anxious and bothering her a lot.

Get help for your anxiety. A new midwife will be exactly the same.

Beth6487 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:11:50

I've texted her twice but okay.
I'm new to this.
I was told to contact my midwife see if she can help.

SprogletsMum Mon 30-Jan-17 16:13:02

Your midwife sounds like most midwives tbh. Even when I've managed to speak to my midwife the conversation goes straight out of her head and she forgets the decisions we made. (She rang me to discuss something)
Changing midwives isn't always a good idea, my friend has done this recently and now needs to be seen twice a week for checks for the next 6 weeks and instead of a short walk to see the local.midwife she has to travel miles to see the one she changed to.

Beth6487 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:13:41

Being told to get help with my anxiety wasn't the problem.
I DO get help with my anxiety, thankyou.
I have always been told to contact my midwife and I have only ever tried twice and no reply.

Bert2e Mon 30-Jan-17 16:14:11

I agree with the previous poster - you really do sound like you need some help with your anxiety rather than a new midwife. I don't think that any NHS midwife will be able to provide you with the level of support you would like. Have you thought about a doula or an independent MW?

RapidlyOscillating Mon 30-Jan-17 16:15:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChange30 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:15:58

Have you been referred to the perinatal mental health team? If not you should be.

Beth6487 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:16:39

Why have I been told to contact my midwife I don't understand?
Now all of a sudden I'm bothering her a lot or need help with my anxiety lol
Sometimes I feel as if I should just shut the fuck up about my problems and not contact anyone as I feel as if there's no one to ask if I have a problem confused

Beth6487 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:18:16

I don't know why you're all telling my to get help for anxiety I've been receiving help.

Afreshstartplease Mon 30-Jan-17 16:19:34

You need to realise your mw may be delivering a baby when you text! So no she's not gonna be replying!

Mws are incredibly busy what with appointments / deliveries / paperwork / seeing babies after birth etc. It's a very stretched service.

Personally I always took the "if your concerned contact your mw" to mean make an appointment

RapidlyOscillating Mon 30-Jan-17 16:20:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wheredidallthejaffacakesgo Mon 30-Jan-17 16:20:34

I think if you need this much reassurance you may be better looking for a private midwife or Douala. If there is additional risk with the pregnancy you can ask for more frequent check ups etc with the NHS midwife. But the service you're receiving at the moment is normal. I think that some health authorities have specific mental health support midwives, so you could see if that was available.

Afreshstartplease Mon 30-Jan-17 16:20:46

People are saying get help for your anxiety because this sounds like an issue with your anxiety, not a pregnancy issue e.g. I haven't felt my baby move today or I can't keep any food down at all

NameChange30 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:21:01

We're all suggesting that you get help because it's not normal to panic this much when you can feel your baby moving.

If you can feel your baby moving it's a good sign. It's also normal for your baby to change position. If the movements stop that's when you need to call the maternity assessment line at the hospital.

It seems that you need some coping strategies for working out when it's your anxiety and when it's a genuine concern, and I think a mental health professional is the best person to advise on the best coping strategies for you.

RapidlyOscillating Mon 30-Jan-17 16:21:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bert2e Mon 30-Jan-17 16:22:18

People are telling you that you seem very anxious that's all. The NHS is great but it simply doesn't have the capacity to give every woman 24 /7 contact with a MW, if you want that level of support you are going to have to look at other ways of getting that support. I know it's not ideal but that's the reality of the NHS at the moment.

IMissGin Mon 30-Jan-17 16:22:52

I think the point may be that you're asking about things that to most other people are very normal, not anything that would cause worry or the need to contact anyone. The fact that you need that reassurance points to needing additional support with your MH. My midwife is very clear about her working hours and the fact that she is ofter in back to back clinics or with women in labour, as such her response times vary wildly and anything urgent should call triage.

Chosenbyyou Mon 30-Jan-17 16:23:35

I think it is fine to contact her with your questions but you need to be realistic about her chance to reply.

I would personally call her later on and leave a voicemail saying you would like to speak to her. Then you can discuss your concerns and your anxiety as well.

Take care OP pregnancy is a very worry time for everyone and must be tough for those with anxiety already xx

Kelsey28 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:23:53

Hey Beth,
I also have severe anxiety. I have only just been assigned a midwife and then she had two weeks annual leave. Like you I feel very alone. She had said she would put me in touch with various people to help my anxiety but this hasn't happened at all. I have text her twice and have never received a reply. I understand as an NHS midwife she has a busy caseload but when I'm feeling anxious about something now I also worry about texting her as well as I don't want to bother her!

NerrSnerr Mon 30-Jan-17 16:24:59

Don't worry about the baby changing positions. Movement is good, it doesn't matter if high or low (although I wish my baby would get off my bladder).

The reasons to call the midwife are things like bleeding, reduced movement etc and if she doesn't respond then call the hospital. She could be on a day off, on training, be at a home birth, be in clinic or numerous other things so if you need her and don't hear back then call triage.

I don't think a new midwife will be much different. They're all busy.

NameChange30 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:25:07

Kelsey If your midwife hasn't referred you and isn't responding, you should go and see your GP. Ask for a perinatal mental health referral.

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