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Pregnant and stressed with work.

(18 Posts)
user1485778793 Mon 30-Jan-17 12:33:12

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and have had 2 months off work with hyperemesis. I teach secondary full time. I've been back a week and can't cope. My manager is horrendous, always has been. Doesn't believe I've been ill and as soon as I walked in the door on Monday morning had my replacement ready and was having a go at me for missing a meeting. Shes a really pooran ager but no one can do anything, she is who she is and constantly guilt trips me for my time off.

The kids are miles behind. They have done nothing in 2 months. She has given me a ton of marking and trips to organise. She constantly bitches to colleagues about me having time off.
2 kids started a fight on Friday, which scared me, normally I'd be fine but not being pregnant.

I feel constantly wound up, anxious all the time even at home.
I'm taking antidepressants now to cope which I don't want to during pregnancy.

Anyone got any advice?

Libbylove2015 Mon 30-Jan-17 12:36:40

Put yourself and your baby first - go back to the doctor and ask him to sign you off with exhaustion and stress for another month or two. You cannot be sacked for taking sick leave when pregnant (if related to the pregnancy - which this is). She will just have to sort it out - it is your legal right not to have your pregnancy threatened by your job.

user1485778793 Mon 30-Jan-17 12:50:26

I just feel bad for having so much time off. My manager compared me to another colleague last week saying she has managed 3 pregnancies without problems, so why should I be any different.

arbrighton Mon 30-Jan-17 13:01:03

Because every pregnancy is different. Because you are not her. Because she is a piss poor manager.

There is no way I'd be able to work in school even with this relatively 'easy' pregnancy- I stopped anyway as my stress levels and depression were through the roof.

Please please get signed off again for you and your baby's sake

user1485778793 Mon 30-Jan-17 13:10:27

My husband wants me to leave and never go back there again. Or get signed off at least.
He's not a teacher and is very angry at everything she has done over the last 18 months I've been there.

I wish I worked in any other school I've been at before when pregnant, not this one.

Going to the docs.....

lovelycharlotte86 Mon 30-Jan-17 13:35:29

I am currently facing working issues and my rights regarding working with non adjustable physical duties in a special school. Different staff receive different duty adjustments and the fairness of this is never even. However I do want to let you know that within schools we as teachers etc only receive 100 days per year (based on 5 working days a week) - (april 1st - march 31st) full paid sick leave it is then reduced to - My work seem to be using this excuse at the moment to push me into an early maternity leave at 29 weeks which seems totally mad even my doctor is confused. I suffered with morning sickness till 18 weeks and nothing helped until finally it was over - i then returned to work for 7 weeks and have now been told i have pelvic girdle pain and need a reduced physical job which my work will not give me. I feel totally stuck between a rock and a hard place and am very much considering taking the maternity 11 weeks early just to relieve the stress of worrying about it all!! At the end of the day my most important thing is this baby and my family - I already have a beautiful daughter and need to be well enough when i am not at work to take care of her and feel human.
Pregnancy is not the same for everyone i have friends who have flown through all their pregnancies and i seem to have a terrible job of it!! it is unfair of your boss to expect the same from you as every pregnant woman who has gone before you. You can only do what you are able and you and the baby are the most important thing here, don't let them make you feel guilty for being ill.

2014newme Mon 30-Jan-17 13:38:41

I would go and speak to my bosses manager. This is discrimination. Not acceptable

MouseLove Mon 30-Jan-17 13:58:43

Get signed off sick, get your full pay and put your feet up. Sod em!! Then get your maternity pay and never go back. Hope you feel better soon!!

user1485778793 Mon 30-Jan-17 14:30:38

I've spoken to senior management, they can only deal with what she has put in writing. I have 3 nasty emails, 2 from her which they have spoken to her about and emails/texts from last year. Problem is she sees nothing wrong with them and says next time I should go to her instead of making 'a fuss'. Management won't do anything about anything verbal because I can't 'prove' it ie no witnesses.

I like teaching, I like most of the kids but I can't cope with her. Tempted to just wash my hands of the place.

They can't push you to go on maternity leave because they can't provide the right environment! They can send you home on full pay. Don't let them push you out coz they can't provide the correct environment!

jpeg28 Mon 30-Jan-17 15:18:08

Definitely get signed off. I'm 29 weeks and a secondary teacher too. My HOD is awful and some days I'm so stressed because he does nothing and I'm lumbered with all the work organising two trips at the moment which he doesn't care about, I work 11/12 hours a day and he comes in late. Your situation sounds much much worse than mine and I couldn't cope with it either. You have to put yourself first. As far as I'm aware you can be signed off until 36 weeks then maternity leave will kick in.
They definitely cannot push you to take mat leave!! They are not even supposed to ask anything about how long you'll have off etc.

Hollyhop17 Mon 30-Jan-17 15:42:46

You have my sympathy OP. I am in a similar situation, although not a teacher. Also suffering from HG and been off for nearly 2 months. My work have made me go on an occ health appt, have tried to count my sick days as 'mental illness' rather than pregnancy related. My line manager constantly texts me and each time I have a new note she makes remarks like 'oh, still signed off, I'll have to talk to HR about this'. I am only 16 weeks, so got loads of time to go. If you can get signed off again, I definitely would. I hope things improve soon for you.

user1485778793 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:12:38

GP signed me off for another month with work related stress and pregnancy related problems. I'm so done there. My yr11s told me last week my hod was really made at me for being off not providing work and being on full pay.....she must have said it coz how would kids know that??? If I asked she'll deny it.

Holly your manager sounds like an idiot. My manager was texting me last year telling me kids and parents were complanning about me being off..I'd had an operation on my throat with subsequent bleeding, she couldn't get it into her thick head this meant I couldn't come to work...I was in hospital and lost 4 pints in a few days and spent days cloaking and vomiting on it. I ended going back too early and was signed off coz as soon as I walked in the door she was on my case about complaints.

I'd never behave like this to a colleague. Some people shouldn't be managers!

Hollyhop17 Mon 30-Jan-17 16:48:41

God sounds like you've had such an awful time. Sorry your manager was so out of order.

My manager confided in me that she had suffered a MC at 10 weeks when I had to tell her I was pregnant early on. I was of course very sympathetic. Since then in the few days I've had in the office she has mentioned in 1-1s that she was never this sick when she was pregnant. My HR keep saying 'everyone gets morning sickness don't they'. Very few people seem to understand HG sadly.

Very glad your GP has signed you off. I hope you get some time to properly rest.

vfoster Mon 30-Jan-17 17:02:10

I teach secondary full time too. Our job is so stressful and is only made worse by bad middle management.
Have you read the 'Maternity Matters' section of the Bergundy Book. It lays your rights out quite clearly and I made sure I brushed up on it when I fell pregnant for the second time!
You could also get some advice from your union as they won't take any messing!
I wouldn't have any conversation about this with her on your own as she's clearly taking advantage of saying stuff to you that you can't prove. If you can't have someone in a meeting I would send her an email after any conversation stating what she said and asking if you had it right. If she can't treat you with respect you deserve in verbal conversations I think she will when there's a paper trail!
I had a horrific experience in my last school where I was forced to stay in school despite there being a Rubella outbreak and having no immunity. After that I would never put myself in a position that would harm my baby for work ever again.

vfoster Mon 30-Jan-17 17:05:37

Sorry, also make sure you fill in your risk assessment and mention stress! They have a legal responsibility to protect you against what is in that document.
I've listed fights as a risk and also stated I'll need my timetable reducing as my pregnancy progresses as I can't teach 22 hours a week until the end!

CocoLoco87 Mon 30-Jan-17 17:07:45

I have 2 dc's and hyperemesis with both, and I'm a teacher! I have a lovely manager, but still felt pressure to go back too soon. In the end I had to put my sanity and health first and had 3 months off with each. Look after yourself because at the moment you are the only one who can look after your baby. They are depending on you for everything!

Go back when you can, take maternity leave, and then don't go back if you don't want to. You're entitled to sick leave. Hyperemesis is no joke!


talulahbelle Mon 30-Jan-17 18:10:42

I teach secondary part time and am pregnant with my second. I was signed off with sickness last year, and am still struggling with fatigue now. Work are not sympathetic. I'm nearly 25 weeks now, due to finish at 34.5 weeks and honestly wondering how I will make it that far.
Had a bit of a bust up with my manager today as apparently all the marking etc not done by me when I was off had been done by other teachers, so now I have to do everything. It's extra pressure we just don't need.

user1485778793 Mon 30-Jan-17 18:24:24

Thanks for all the help.

Teaching is one job your expected to be able to do even when you're too ill to work. 70 kids did a mock exams when I was off. My manager kindly saved them and dropped them on my desk last week. I'm signed off for a month now. I spent all day Saturday and Sunday marking them at a slow rate. I haven't finished them but I'm posting them back as they are.

They're the managers. They get the pay. They can manage!

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