Advanced search

Pregnant? See how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy with the Mumsnet Pregnancy Calendar.

Age gap negativity?

(24 Posts)
Peekawow Sun 29-Jan-17 16:11:12

Hi I'm new here and don't wish to 'drip feed' so i'll try to keep this as straight forward as possible...

Has anyone else been faced with any age gap negativity with regards to their children?

There will be 2 years between my DD1 and second child and a few family members have reacted in, what I find to be, an odd way. E.g "Oh, only 2 years? uneasy look on their face That will be difficult. There was 2.5 years between *insert names here*" and "Yeah there are 7 years between myself and my younger sister, my mum said it was GREAT because I could help out!".... Considering I'd JUST told them our happy news and straight away, the age gap was all they were focussing on.... has bugged me a tad.

INeedNewShoes Sun 29-Jan-17 16:14:16

Just ignore them!

I have in my mind what my 'ideal' age gaps would be but I would never ever voice any negativity to a pregnant friend - I mean, what good is it going to do!

People are very opinionated about pregnancy and babies. Its time to hone your filter and just filter out the silly stuff!

newmumwithquestions Sun 29-Jan-17 16:18:15

15 months age gap here. It is hard but I don't think there is a magical perfect gap. 2 years sounds like a nice one to me.

However try to just rise above any negativity. Family members say things to me like oh we noticed that DD2 does that, DD1 never did that. It's often rubbish. If I disagree then they get huffy and tell me I'm being argumentative so now if they are talking rubbish I just 'mmmm' vaguely and change the subject.

cowssheephens Sun 29-Jan-17 16:18:34

As above, ignore them!!

I had a lot of negativity with my 10 and a half months gap. It works perfectly for us.

Foxsox Sun 29-Jan-17 16:21:32

Everyone is different
Each to their own
My gap is 5 years which offends people
That's their problem

Ilovecaindingle Sun 29-Jan-17 16:23:22

Our smallest gap is 14 months. Biggest is 6 years. . As soon as you hear the start of any negativity just jump in with oh well we are over the moon - imply its tough shit if they aren't.

Stuffedshirt Sun 29-Jan-17 16:27:10

There's no ideal age, so just ignore them. Life happens and babies turn up at all sorts of interesting times. My friend had a little boy when her two girls were 12 and 14. Her girls were horrified when they found out, with the eldest shouting at her parents that they were disgusting because they'd had sex, (they love their little brother to pieces now).

MWM Sun 29-Jan-17 16:29:03

Ignore it. There's not a perfect gap, you just deal with what you've got.

Peekawow Sun 29-Jan-17 16:29:47

Love these responses, thank you!!

I keep mulling it over, wishing I'd have just responded with "So we've just told you our happy news and straight away, you're being negative about the age gap?" HOWEVER, I don't have the guts to actually say that. I should react as you've suggested Ilovecaindingle.

Seeing them all again shortly, i'm sure more negative comments will be headed my way. Must practice the mmmm and changing the subject newmumwithquestions flowers

Bauble16 Sun 29-Jan-17 16:35:22

They are just looking for convo topic. It's meaningless chit chat. I have 5 years between my now pregnancy and last baby. Then you get comments about how they won't be close. People are just dickheads!

thisagain Sun 29-Jan-17 16:39:33

From my experience 2.3 is a quite common age gap. I have loads of friends of family with exactly this. Also any school I had loads of friends with brothers/sisters either 2 years older or 2 years younger. I've got 8 years each time between each of my 3 children. It wasn't planned but we had fertility treatment and was happy with any age gap. As others have said, there is no perfect age gap. It is all subjective. In any event, it may initially be harder but you will reap the rewards later I'm sure.

Peekawow Sun 29-Jan-17 16:44:23

We were extremely lucky with our second child. We underwent fertility treatment for DD1 and didn't think that this would ever happen in a million years so we REALLY don't care about the age difference. It doesn't matter to us what so ever... Must be why I was so thrown off with their comments hmm

Must practice not giving a hoot about what others say/think!!!

KateDaniels2 Sun 29-Jan-17 16:45:59

Ignore them. There is no perfect age gap. I have a large one, it worked for us. But if you want a smaller one thats your choice.

The only time someone else age gap has bothered me (but i still kept it to myself) was with dbro and sil. Sil kept asking us to have the first because she couldnt cope with being a sahm. I was having her 1 year old 3/4 days a week.

Lo and behold she did the same with second and was upset when i said i couldnt do it anymore. I couldn't cope with my two and her 2 all the time.

But as i said when she announced she was pregnant i kep my thoughts to myself.

Peekawow Sun 29-Jan-17 16:46:26

Bauble16 Yes, they really are!! What does it matter to them? Not as if you can magically shorten/lengthen the gap so what are they trying to achieve by saying things like that? Ha!

Peekawow Sun 29-Jan-17 16:50:10

KateDaniels2 Eek that's a bit harsh on you and I can see why you had your reservations!

ifcatscouldtalk Sun 29-Jan-17 16:53:36

People talk shit.

No age gap here (only child)

Shoot me now! wink

FourKidsNotCrazyYet Sun 29-Jan-17 16:55:16

It never fails to shock me just how crass some people can be. Please try to ignore them OP. I have a two year age gap with DC1 and DC2, then 5 years for DC3 then another 7! (He's our bonus baby!). Now we have built in babysitters. Congratulations OP.

Peekawow Sun 29-Jan-17 17:02:44

ifcatscouldtalk What a rebel! (I was an only child and it was fabulous)

FourKidsNotCrazyYet Thank you! Nothing wrong with a bonus baby! grin Love the idea of built in babysitters haha.

TheTartOfAsgard Sun 29-Jan-17 21:01:57

16 months between dc1 and dc2. 12 YEARS between dc2 and dc3. I get more comments about the latter.

LondonGirl83 Sun 29-Jan-17 21:33:05

2 years is the recommended age gap in the US. However even if it wasn't, now that you are pregnant what on earth is the point in saying it should be longer! Also, given they must know your previous fertility issues, anything but jumping up and down for your is crazy!

IceLemonGin Sun 29-Jan-17 21:47:23

I'm pregnant with DC2 and there will be 2 years between my DD1 and DC2, almost to the day. I don't think there's an ideal age gap as each age has it's own challenges.

Congratulations OP flowers

PacificDogwod Sun 29-Jan-17 21:50:24

People do talk such shite grin

I was always under the impression that the 2 year age gap was The Best One or summat.

Fwiw, I had 1 year, 4 years and 2 years in gaps and they each had their own up- and down sides.

Congrats on your pregnancy thanks

RedSoloCup Sun 29-Jan-17 22:11:04

15 months here then 4 / 5 years, the small gap was much easier imo


calimommy Sun 29-Jan-17 23:34:16

Two yrs isnt that bad.i have exactly two between my boys and there will be just a little over two between this next baby and my second, it's hard work alright but kids are hard work in general. Never mind the judgemental so-and-so's, your the one who has to do the work not them.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: