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Attention seeking friend what should I do

(3 Posts)
Beth6487 Fri 27-Jan-17 09:56:32

Hi, so I haven't really been having the best pregnancy I'm not enjoying it I'm always worried something will go wrong etc.
I got pregnant by accident all of this is a little too much for me to handle at the moment.
Ever since I've known I was pregnant my close friend has done everything to try and get attention.
She's been trying to have a baby with people she doesn't know for a while but I feel like it's got worse and worse she's acting like a child and I'm trying to carry my son stress free.
She planned to have a child to a man she barely even knew in the hopes of having a baby and him staying with her, she's only 19 as well, she doesn't have anything together in her life right now.
She comes to my house with pregnancy tests every week despite the fact that she's had no signs or symptoms of being pregnant. She'll buy corner shop tests and get evap lines and be convinced she's pregnant. Then lean on me for support as apparently the pregnancy is "unplanned"
The only reason I know she plans to get pregnant is because every time she gets a negative test she'll be really disappointed. And there was an incident when she told me she actually was planning and then took it back when I asked her a couple of days later.
Or she'll ring me crying saying she's had a positive test and "doesn't know what to do"
There was a couple of days when she could have been pregnant when she told me she'd 'get rid of it' but she PLANNED the whole thing. I don't understand why she'd do that?
She's convinced she's being my birthing partner after I said something early on in my pregnancy as a joke and now I have to tell her she's definitely not being there.
I don't know what I should do should I distance myself away from her? I'm not having a good time with my own pregnancy and she KNOWS that and yet she still keeps leaning on me for false support and attention seeking behaviour.
Is this all to get attention? Or am I missing something here?

MumBeth Fri 27-Jan-17 10:11:23

This is a really awkward situation for you and not something you particularly need to be dealing with whilst your are pregnant (or once you have the baby).

Could there be another underlying issue here though? Perhaps she is craving attention because something in her life needs resolving? Maybe sit her down for a coffee and try and be supportive to see if there is any other problems in her life. She might be wanting a baby as a way to resolve another issue or could be creating drama to allow her mind to ignore a major issue in her life?

If this isn't the case or this approach doesn't work it would be best to be frank with her and explain the pressure she is putting on you. She should understand that you need to be stress free, especially if she wants to be your birthing partner.

I wouldn't ditch her just yet though, try to resolve it as you will find you need all the support you can get from friends.

Good luck x

vixsyn Sat 28-Jan-17 11:19:33

This reminds me of the DM story they ran... yesterday? About someone trying to get pregnant on purpose and lying to their partner about being on the pill.

I've known a few people like your friend, and whilst my gut reaction is something between an eye roll and a facepalm, I'm going to say that there seem to be underlying issues about security and/or love with most of them. Yes, it's annoying as all hell. They'll run around with PTs acting like they don't know what to do whilst secretly throwing an internal primadonna baby shower.

I don't think it would be out of line for you to (as gently as you feel is appropriate) suggest she needs counselling. I don't know her situation but to me "trying to have a baby with people she doesn't know" sounds potentially dangerous - does she know they're STI free? Does she know anything about their medical backgrounds or genetic histories? I know not everyone is going to get their potential daddy-material to fill in a BUPA survey but if she's not interested in them beyond milking them then it would be sensible for her to think about what she might be taking into herself (no pun intended).

The way she's behaving, especially when she knows your pregnancy isn't going along smoothly for you, isn't indicative of a mutal and supportive relationship. For her own wellbeing she needs help. Getting herself knocked up by whoever is available might be her half baked solution to anything from being alone to making money (I don't know her, I'm not trying to be harsh).

Bottom line though, if you don't think you can persuade her she needs to get some help from someone and don't feel you're in a position to talk her through what seem to be some serious issues - and who could blame you - I think you're right to put some distance between you. If she's a real friend she'll try to at least see your concerns and your needs on a level as important as her own.

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