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Feeling a bit embarrassed to tell anyone.

(24 Posts)
SistaMatic Fri 27-Jan-17 08:32:38

I have a LO aged 8 months and have just found out I'm pregnant again. It was quasi planned, we knew we wanted another baby soon but didn't expect to fall pregnant the first month of trying. I don't want to seem ungrateful, I'm excited as is my husband, but we've had some pretty negative reactions already (we told my mother who was not pleased, despite there being less time between me and my brother!)

Anyway, I do feel vaguely embarrassed about telling people which is already so different from when I fell pregnant with my son. Can anyone relate to this, having babies close together and being a bit wary of judgement about it?

Libby34 Fri 27-Jan-17 08:47:06

Can't relate myself I'm afraid but my sister's 2 are only 14 months apart. The 2nd pregnancy got quite an unpleasant reaction from the older people in our family - possibly as she was only 24 and had struggled a bit with (in her words) "becoming a mum" it just didn't come naturally to her and she struggled quite a bit (though totally normal for a new mum of any age!) she also had some health implications in her first pregnancy. Anyway, flash forward to now everyone loves both my niece and nephew - and none of us would change them for the world. However, in at least my mums view, I think her issue was my sister was HER baby and she worried about her health condition. There was also some worry about how much attention DC1 would receive when she was struggling a bit already. So I think that was my mums anger - it was worry really. I'm much younger than my sister so as an early teen I was just excited to have another baby in the family. I think it might be similar in your case - it's not that family don't want you to have this baby, they're probably just worried about how you'll manage & what the consequences for your first born will be. I wouldn't worry though - everyone will soon come around to the idea and I'm sure by the time baby is here all will be forgotten. Congratulations OP! flowers

vixsyn Fri 27-Jan-17 08:54:19

Er... I think it's weird and rude to cast judgement on your decision. If you wanted to have another baby and have fallen fast then congratulations!

I can imagine maybe a couple of circumstances that could lead to a raised eyebrow - like, if you were told having another baby would be detrimental to your health, or you were in dire financial straits - but even so, it's your choice.

Have another congratulations from me flowers I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy with a lot of support and love around you!

TheSmurfsAreHere Fri 27-Jan-17 09:03:59

We did the same thing than you but it took us a couple of months to get pg so I got pregnant when dc1 was 10 months.
Tbh, I never had any issue when I told people. I think both my parents and PIL knew better than say anything.

I was worried about work (I hadn't been back from ML that long!).

But really the comments I got was after. For years (and even now they are teenagers!) I still have comments along the lines of 'Gosh they are close together aren't they?'

I think a few people think that two pg close together is an accident most of the time (we weren't, it was a very well thought decision, but SIL who has a similar gap was). And so they feel it's OK to be judgmental about it.
Remember though that people are also thinking its ok to be judgmental when you have a big gap in beutween your dcs or when yu have more than 2, let alone 3 children etc....

I would try and forget about it. Enjoy and pregnancy and remember that doing things the second time round never feels quite as exciting (for once you now have a baby to think about too rather than just yourself and the pg).
Enjoy smile

TartYvette Fri 27-Jan-17 09:05:25

My mother was devastated to discover she was expecting me. There're only 16 months between my older sibling and myself. I'm not sure my parents ever forgave me for my untimely arrival. None of this will really matter though once you have your baby safely here.

NewMum17 Fri 27-Jan-17 09:25:17

Congratulations! I understand the embarrassment feeling and would probably feel the same at first but're pregnant! My friend and her sister are 10 months apart and are so close now (30 years later haha). Think about the positives. There will always be grumpy comments and people talking but try not to let it get to you. don't need to tell them just yet! Good luck

Blueberryblueberry Fri 27-Jan-17 09:30:26

Congrats! I think to get more positive reactions you sometimes have to brazen it out... don't give the people who are likely to be judgemental and negative a chance and be really positive about it- I'm so happy, I really wanted a small age gap etc. People find it harder to be negative. Then find positive family members/friends who will support you if you need to chat about how you feel if you need to talk through any more unsure emotions.

Gardencentregroupie Fri 27-Jan-17 09:53:19

Congratulations! Remember it has FUCK ALL to do with anyone else! What a lovely little family you will have. Be pleased for your happy luck and I hope you have a smooth pregnancy smile

Inarightpickleandchutney Fri 27-Jan-17 09:58:31

I have a friend who has 51 weeks between her two. She had nothing but positive comments and congrats.
It's a baby, it's happy news for you, people should be delighted to hear this news!

daisydalrymple Fri 27-Jan-17 10:17:21

Congratulations. As I'm sure you found out from your first pregnancy, people feel they have the right to comment on any and every aspect of a pregnancy. I have 2.2 yrs between dc1&2 and to be honest I've always wished it was a slightly smaller gap.
A work colleague had 18 months between her two sons and she was really smug and confident about it during her second pregnancy, like she was really proud of her body being able to do that so quickly.

Try to be confident and positive when you tell people, and say how excited you are about it. If you do experience any negativity you could always try the old 'did you mean to be so rude' line or something more positive such as 'we're really happy about it and can't believe how lucky we are' followed by a withering stare.

Congratulations! Dc3 is 2.3yo and still not sleeping through, so I'm absolutely in awe that you obviously have a sleeper in dc1 and think it's fantastic you're pregnant with such a lovely gap. Best wishes!
(I have 5 years between dc2&3 and have found a few people feel it's ok to say gosh that's a big gap. I'm just honest now and say yes I had a miscarriage inbetween so we learnt you can't plan these things. Hopefully it will make them stop and think next time before saying something that might be more upsetting to the next person!)

QueenofallIsee Fri 27-Jan-17 10:21:56

I have 3 boys and only 16mths between the Dtwins and my youngest...anyone that suggests that this is a negative would get a short bloody shrift!

Listen, 3 under 2 was hard hard work but it gets easier and is totally worth it! Congrats on your happy news x

MumBeth Fri 27-Jan-17 10:22:03

It really shocks me how negative people can be when someone announces they are pregnant. E.g. My mum looked like she was going to attack me when I first told her.

But people soon come around and then give you their support (usually). It is just a shame they don't do this to start with as pregnancy is such an emotional time and hard work that support at the beginning is really needed.

You'll just have to tell these negative people that you're happy and this is what you want and they should be supportive of that. Their negative comments will only bring potential harm to your pregnancy experience and their relationship with you. Their negative comments aren't going to erase the pregnancy.


mumxof3x Fri 27-Jan-17 10:35:35

I didnt tell anyone I was pregnant with my DD until I was 29 weeks pregnant I have no idea how I managed to last that long as I'm only small and she was baby no5...I gave birth at 31 weeks and went into labour at 30+4 so it didn't give people much chance to be negative. But thats exactly why I didn't tell people even my parents. I was 25, already had four boys and my youngest boy was only a baby himself, there is 15 months to the day between ds and dd. It does wear out eventually...I'm no longer bothered by peoples opinions or negativity, my family love all of my kids despite their initial upset reactions. If I could go back I wouldn't have hid it like I did considering I had her so early I feel like I wasted all of my time worrying what people thought.

Congratulations and good luck smile

confuugled1 Fri 27-Jan-17 10:49:56

Congratulations that's fantastic news and having two dc clise together can be a little crazy to start with but overall is brilliant.

There's 14 months between me and dsis, 11 months between dh and his closest dsis, and 14 months between dsis's youngest two dds. Means that right from early on they have a partner in crime friend to do things with and they'll probably like doing and watching similar things. I have 3 years between ds1 and ds2 - would have loved it to be less but it didn't happen that way. Whilst they get on pretty well most of the time there are definitely lots of things that those three years difference makes difficult as it's too old for difficult for one, or too babyish for the other. Dh's oldest sibling is 12 years older than he is and although they get on perfectly nicely there isn't the same sort of closeness that he has with his younger siblings, by the time dh was growing up and old enough to have memories, bil wasn't around as he was doing a levels and off at uni and not living at home.

I would be actively really thrilled about your news and if anyone dares to be judgemental then point out how wonderful it is that the siblings will be so close together. Enjoy and celebrate that closeness and don't let anyone take it away from you.

Pinkheart5915 Fri 27-Jan-17 11:00:37

Mine are 11 months apart!

For us we got no negative comments and I think anyone that does in very rude. Seriously what makes people think it's ok to comment on these things.

I would be thrilled for your news, having two close together is wonderful. Seeing them start to bond so close together is great (ds 16 months will go and see dd 5 months in her cot and help get her up every morning after breakfast. He will sit on the playmat with dd when he watches tv. Sometimes he just sits and rubs dd tummy)

Congratulations 💐

kep1979 Fri 27-Jan-17 11:53:35

I am totally expecting comments when we announce this pregnancy - dd is 12 months, and this will be baby number four. It still astounds me how people think that they can comment on people's family planning!

InsaneMummyOfThree Fri 27-Jan-17 11:56:01

Hi currently have a 4yo, 3 yo, 2yo and I'm 29 weeks pregnant with our fourth and last!!! I was very embarrassed having no2 and telling people but now I'm very proud of the fact that they are close. People will always have something to say, whether the are very close together or very far apart. Do what's best for u and if people ask if it was an accident (very rude I think!!). Just smile and say "no actually, very much planned" they don't really know what to say and get embarrassed for asking such a personal question. X

Sixisthemagicnumber Fri 27-Jan-17 12:01:50

I have brothers who are only 11 months apart.
Some people will say shotty things whether you have a 10 month age gap or a 10 year age gap.
I do understand your dilemma and not wanting to tell anyone though as I am pregnant with number 4 and haven't really wanted to tell anyone because I expect lots of negative comments - haven't you got a tv etc.
People should just mind their own business and say nothing if they can't muster a simple congratulations.

Afreshstartplease Fri 27-Jan-17 12:03:11

I had my first at 20. I was pregnant with my second and still aged 20! I had a few twats be unpleasant and negative when DC1 was announced so I didn't really tell many people about DC2 as I could not be arsed

There are sixteen months between them. Thick as thieves but also fight like cat and dog.

The main thing that annoyed me about them being close in age was stupid people asking if they were twins. This mainly happened when they were under three and made no sense at all to me as one was obviously a baby and the other walking/talking etc

As others have said I felt more judgement having DC3+4. After the birth of DC4 I actually had some people tell me I had had enough now.

Sixisthemagicnumber Fri 27-Jan-17 12:21:19

afreshstart A neighbour told me that I shouldn't have anymore as three was enough just a few days after I found out I was pregnant with dc4. I dont know what it has got to do with him!

Afreshstartplease Fri 27-Jan-17 13:07:04

six I don't know what anyone's choices to have children have to do with anyone else TBH but people always feel the need to comment, sometimes I wish I was 60 years ago and then much more the norm to have more than 2 DC

FizzBombBathTime Fri 27-Jan-17 13:09:06

Mine are less than a year apart and we got the same old cliches

'Ooooh you didn't wait around did you?!'
All that bollocks.

Just smile and nod. People are weird.

SistaMatic Fri 27-Jan-17 14:18:22

Thank you so much guys, everyone's comments have really bolstered my spirits. I absolutely love being the mother of my LO, and realistically we don't have to announce the pregnancy until much later. I'll practise my withering stares for anyone who makes snarky comments!

Sixisthemagicnumber Fri 27-Jan-17 14:44:00

My DH decided that if anybody makes negative comments when we announce we expecting number 4 we should simply respond with 'congratulations is the usual response when somebody announces a pregnancy'.

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