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Help- when to tell the parents?

(21 Posts)
stepmum88 Sun 22-Jan-17 19:23:19

Got my BFP a week ago (First time mum) which revealed I was 2 weeks (so 4 in doctors terms)...... when is the right time to tell your own parents? Dh&I see mine nearly every week, normally have dinner, wine&cheese etc. When is the best time to tell them? I'm running out of excuses to refuse g&ts (which I always would say yes too!) Mumsnet help and advice needed!

Snowflakes1122 Sun 22-Jan-17 19:27:22

Some people like to tell close people, such as parents straight away.
Can they keep a secret if you do tell them?

We waited until the first (early private) scan with our previous DC as they don't live locally.

This time as we'd had a loss we waited until 14 weeks.


JohnLapsleyParlabane Sun 22-Jan-17 19:27:59

Whenever you and your DH want to! We told our parents at about 6 weeks because after ttc for 2.5 years we knew that if the pregnancy failed we would want then to have shared the joy first. B

Gaaaah Sun 22-Jan-17 19:32:56

It's really about whenever you feel ready to let on.

Some people think the sooner the better because if anything was to happen, you'd need the support of your nearest and dearest which is a really valid point to consider.

For me, I kept it a secret for as long as possible this time. We wanted to keep it our thing so didn't tell anyone until 17 weeks when I really couldn't continue to hide it anymore. We found out what we were having at a private scan then revealed it all at the same time. People were so shocked but happy for us.

MoonlightMojitos Sun 22-Jan-17 19:53:10

We told our parents when I was about 6 weeks, I then unfortunately had a miscarriage a week later but we needed their support and we're both close to them so would have told them it had happened anyway. We told them again this time at about the same smile. Do whatever is best for you and Congratulations!

PetalMettle Sun 22-Jan-17 20:09:22

I think it probably depends. I wouldn't have told my parents if I'd miscarried, if you would anyway no need not to

MouseLove Tue 24-Jan-17 08:36:00

I'm 8+1 today and we told our parents last week. I would have loved to tell them sooner but we kept the secret and I kinda enjoyed it for a little while. Unfortunately I had a little medical issue which meant I had to go for an early scan on Saturday. So we told them last week and I must admit everything has been fantastic since. Feel like a weight off my shoulders.

Baby was fine at the scan. I'm measuring 5 weeks and 2mm so baby needs to grow some more to catch up.

I also told my immediate bosses at work yesterday as it means I'll need extra monitoring with my issue. They were also amazing and I'm feeling so much more relaxed about it. They would need to know if something went wrong so I felt safe knowing they knew my good news.

Tell them when you feel ready. There is no right or wrong answer. It's our parents first grandchild so they are eagerly awaiting the 12 weeks before going crazy.

GreedyDuck Tue 24-Jan-17 09:07:36

Tell them whenever you want. They're not children, they'll understand that things can go wrong early on. Bear in mind that once they know they will get as invested in the thought of being gps as you are in being a parent.

The first time we told them at about 7/8 weeks and they were absolutely over the moon, overjoyed, elated. Having to tell them three days later that there was no heartbeat on an early scan was the hardest thing.

We then went on to have DD a year later and I honestly can't remember when we told them, possibly after we'd seen a heartbeat in an early scan, or maybe after the 12 week one - I was far too paranoid about it going wrong again to tell many people early.

This time, just before Christmas, we only told them after we'd had an early scan and knew the embryo wasn't developing. My mum was lovely throughout, the whole thing dragged out over a few weeks, but I'm glad I hadn't got their hopes up first, it was much easier.

Ultimately we don't see them every week, although we talk almost daily, and the only real practical support I actually wanted/needed was from my dp and a couple of friends.

fourcorneredcircle Tue 24-Jan-17 09:53:38

I didn't want to tell anyone until I could no longer deny it (e.g. Bump), I see mum a few times a week as she's very too?! local and dad/PIL maybe twice a month but we talk several times a week.

I got really sick with HG though and although my mum drives me to distraction it was helpful that she knew and I could call on her for help when I needed it. We told her, and other parents, about 8/9 weeks. My dad and PIL knowing made it a lot easier to refuse invites for meals or other occasions and whilst they weren't around for the same practical support as my mum they showed me they cared in other ways.

I still haven't told many others yet (except work, as I've been signed off for three and a half months!)... although I'm 21 weeks tomorrow. Can't deny it if someone asks!

MissisBee Tue 24-Jan-17 09:58:29

I told mine at 6 weeks. Just couldn't keep it to myself. Also I was quite sick, hardly eating anything and we have dinner with them every week so they would have noticed something was up anyway

NerrSnerr Tue 24-Jan-17 09:59:31

We told ours at about 20 weeks- we don't live locally though so was easy to hide.

Blueroses99 Tue 24-Jan-17 10:10:32

We told our parents almost straight away (after a few days of enjoying keeping the news to ourselves) but they had supported us through IVF so we still needed their support in case anything went wrong. When it did go wrong in my last pregnancy, I was 21 weeks and by then EVERYONE knew because I had been showing for a while. This time around I've been telling early those that I can rely on for support if anything goes wrong again. Reaching 12 / 20 weeks doesn't mean safety so I'm going by what feels right rather than typical milestones (I realise my situation is unusual but wanted to share another perspective).

Lunalovepud Tue 24-Jan-17 10:13:16

First DC after 12 week scan. Second DC told family at Christmas, only because they would notice me not drinking on Christmas day. I think tell who you want when you want... I go by the rule of thumb that if something were to go wrong I would need the support of people I would tell before 12 weeks. Good luck.

Orangebird69 Tue 24-Jan-17 10:13:39

We told both sets of parents when we found out at 5 weeks but didn't tell the rest of the family until 17 weeks when the T21 results came through negative. Told others after the 20 week scan. It was easy for me to hide it as we lived abroad.....

Sparklyuggs Tue 24-Jan-17 10:22:37

I told my parents straight away as hyperemesis started at 4w and I live with them for part of the week. I'm very close to them but they found it hard not to be able to tell people as they were excited so without HG I'd probably have waited until 6ish weeks. Told PIL at 6 weeks, they live abroad and we aren't close but wanted to be fair to both sides.

1000hobnobs Tue 24-Jan-17 10:29:49

As an eternal pessimist and spotlight hater I would leave it as long as possible. I live overseas so I'd be more than half tempted to just turn up on a visit with the unannounced child blush

GinIsIn Tue 24-Jan-17 10:33:51

We told my mum straight away, and she spent the following 8 weeks begging to be allowed to tell people. We told PILs and we had told my DM, and they blabbed it to everyone. We will be waiting to tell them next time!!

Orangebird69 Tue 24-Jan-17 10:57:46

1000hobnobs that's what I wanted to do but dh wouldn't let me 😕

AButterflyLightsBesideUs Tue 24-Jan-17 11:37:07

Whenever you want, there's no rules.

With my first I told them at 6 weeks, lost the baby at 20 weeks.
With DD we told at about 5 weeks or so, very shocked to be pg again so quickly.
With my third I told them after we'd had a lethal diagnosis at 13+ weeks (unplanned pg and I'd not felt able to share it, but then we needed to tell them when we had to let the baby go, not least because we needed them to look after DD for us whilst in hospital)
This pg, told at about 6 weeks or so, a few days after being diagnosed with hyperemesis and having no hope at all of hiding it, and being again desperate for help!

I have awful first trimesters though which does make it a lot harder to keep quiet and generally we felt it was easier to tell our parents and ask them to keep it to themselves.

However, the wider family we told much later. I am now 40+1 weeks and still the aunts/uncles/cousins don't know we're having a baby. We will just announce after the birth.

mistermagpie Tue 24-Jan-17 12:45:21

We told the first time at 9 weeks after an early private scan because we were staying with them for Christmas and there's no way I would have been able to get away with not drinking! That was earlier than I would have chosen so this time we told at 16 weeks, mainly because I was already showing.

It's really up to you. Lots of people tell as soon as they get a bfp but I prefer later rather earlier because pregnancy is a loooooong time and the later you tell, the less time people have to talk to you about it!

Letsgetreadytorumbleagain Tue 24-Jan-17 13:34:07

About 5 weeks each time, I had 2 MMC and for me it was better that my parents knew - I needed the support.

The question is, would you tell them if you lost the baby - if so, there is no reason to keep it a secret. From experience, it's easier to say to someone you've lost the baby , than to have to explain that you were pregnant but you're not anymore.

I think the secrecy around early pregnancy can make things difficult and isolating, esp if you feel really ill with it and the same with miscarriages, feeling like you have to hide it makes it seem taboo - but it happens people shouldn't feel ashamed or like they have done something wrong - iykwim

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