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Peoples negativity is getting me down...

(19 Posts)
Rose138 Sat 21-Jan-17 13:06:18

Hi everyone,

I'm pregnant for the second time. My son will be 3 years old when his brother/sister arrives.

I'm super excited however people's negativity is really getting me down. The amount of people telling me to be prepared/if you were shocked by how much your life changes wait until you have two/think of the childcare costs/baby 1 will be jealous etc etc.

I'm starting to wonder if people think I'm not going to cope? Or that people just can't help themselves making comments like this, like when I was pregnant with my son, everyone I met wanted to tell me their birth horror stories.

The comments are from family members, colleagues and just people I bump in to shopping etc. Did anyone else experience this? And did you start to take it personally?
Thank you in advance

ExpectoPatronummmm Sat 21-Jan-17 13:55:38

What a load of bollocks. Ignore them. I found it easier with two as
1- I knew what I was doing
2- they occupied each other

Granted 5 years on they hate each other (lol) your friends are being twats trying to scare you.
Congrats x

user1468957349 Sat 21-Jan-17 14:20:46

People just can't help themselves sharing doom and gloom. Ever since I was about 24 weeks so many people think it's appropriate to share their horror stories of premature and traumatic births. As if that's what you want to hear! Don't listen to them - you'll be just fine. Congratulations smile

Christmasbaby16 Sat 21-Jan-17 16:45:59

When you're pregnant as you will know from your first child, people cannot help but share their pointless (on the most part) views on how YOUR life is going to be...in their eyes! Just nod, agree and ignore grin

FourToTheFloor Sat 21-Jan-17 16:49:40

They know you'll cope, they're just telling you their truths. Doesn't mean you have to like or listen to it!

Someone told me 1 dc is like 1 and 2 is like 10. I had the easiest dd1 that I thought pffft. But dd2 is like 10. And some days I don't think I'll cope grin

haveacupoftea Sat 21-Jan-17 22:05:20

Opinions are like arseholes - everybody has one.

If you werent having another people would be telling you that you're unkind for making DD an only child.

Just bite your tongue and smile whilst silently screaming FUCK OFF!!

kathrynelizabeth3005 Sat 21-Jan-17 22:19:03

I've gotten to the point where if people offer me useless advice or try and scare me with horror stories I just thank them for their 'opinion' in a slightly patronising way to match their own tone.
It's great as most people aren't even self aware enough to realise theyre being rude so my response in that particular tone and using the word "opinion" makes them realise just how they're actually overstepping the mark, talking utter crap and being ridiculously intrusive without me having to get worked up and be actively rude!
Then, if people really don't get the message, just go straight for the snappy "thanks for your comment but no thanks, I didn't actually ask"
I can be quite blunt sometimes but being pregnant has also made me much less tolerant of people's rubbish!! Unless it's my mum, my midwife or someone I've actually asked for help/advice I wish people would keep it to themselves!!

user1465146157 Sun 22-Jan-17 04:56:32

So sorry you've had to experience this - I'm pregnant with my first and have been shocked at how insensitive people can be - the delight with which other women tell me their horror stories of birth surprised me so much.

And my DH has had a lot of comments from other fathers about how life will change/is now over etc etc.

of course there are positive comments too - please try and ignore other input - it only ruins what should be a lovely experience.

I don't think people mean any harm but it is strange.

Good luck with everything and don't worry about other people - try to block it out and focus on yourself and your own feelings x

Rose138 Mon 23-Jan-17 17:27:59

Thank you all so much for all of your lovely comments. I now shall be ignoring anything but smile Thank you

Kelsey28 Mon 23-Jan-17 17:29:35

My friend asked me on Saturday night if I would still get maternity if "the baby is born dead" and then told me her mum had two stillbirths. People are truly bizzare with what they think they can say.

Christmasbaby16 Mon 23-Jan-17 17:32:35

Wow, some friend that must be! hmm

Rainatnight Mon 23-Jan-17 17:33:07

Ignore them. People will say any old shite. We're just about to adopt a baby so expecting but not pregnant grin and people come out with weird stuff. 'Oh, you've no idea how much your life is going to change.' 'You won't know what hit you, just wait till they're teenagers'

Um, I know my life is going to change. That's precisely the reason I'm doing it.

EsmesBees Mon 23-Jan-17 17:40:39

I don't know why people feel the need to do this. I heard so many horror stories before giving birth 'worst pain ever' etc. that I make a point of telling expectant women about my positive experience, just so they know not everyone had a horrible time.

NewMum17 Mon 23-Jan-17 22:46:02

Ugh some people are so annoying and inconsiderate! 😤 Especially if it's strangers. I would definitely just block it all out and ignore. Hope that has managed to work so far. 👍🏽

I thought they only make these comments to FTM's. I've had the birth stories and comments such as: "Your life is going to change completely you know?"
"You've got this all to come!" (when people talk about problems with their children at home).
It does get to you at times but you've done it before and you'll be great this time too. 😊

toomuchtimereadingthreads2016 Tue 24-Jan-17 08:11:45

My mum: the shit is really going to hit the fan when you have two to deal with, you won't know which way is up ha ha ha. Thought my DH was going to faint lol

Lunalovepud Tue 24-Jan-17 10:11:20

I really hate this - when I was PG with DC1 everyone was telling me how awful it was going to be etc and now I am PG with DC2 (still as secret as only 11 weeks) I am steeling myself for the inevitable onslaught again...

I guess it depends on how you feel about confrontation etc and also who the person is. I got the most cross at busybodies who hardly know me and for those people I always said something along the lines of... "Thank you so much for your advice - until I had spoken to you I was just looking forward to meeting my baby but now I realise it is going to be terrible so I'll try not to be excited any more.." Childish, yes. Rude, yes. Made me feel better? 100%. grin

upthewolves Wed 25-Jan-17 12:01:00

Jesus Kelsey, she sounds a treat!

OP, some people just like to piss on other peoples' chips. I continually get asked when we are having a second (DD only 18mo). I have said a few times that we would be happy to have a second at any time and all I get is people saying stuff like "If you think your life's hard now!" with a look of wicked glee on their face. I usually tell them I don't think my life's hard now. The other good comeback is asking if they regretted their own second child (if applicable).

Heatherbell1978 Wed 25-Jan-17 12:07:16

I'm pregnant with number 2 and thankfully haven't had too much of this but when I was pregnant with my first I had one particular friend who had had a very difficult birth (ending in c-sec) and really difficult time with motherhood in general. Her baby was quite difficult and she constantly complained about it all. She laughed in my face when I told her my birth plan and spent months telling me how difficult I'll find it all. Birth went as straight forward as I could have hoped for and although not easy, motherhood wasn't the thing of nightmares she'd prepared me for.

Sometimes people reflect their own insecurities and challenges they have at home onto others as a way of coping with it all.

Justsayin2889 Wed 25-Jan-17 14:00:50

Omg, idiots! I am pregnant with number 2, have an 18 month old and I've had a hell of a lot of these comments. The ones that really stick out:

Are you crazy?
You're going to need all the help you can get.
You don't know what's going to hit you.
How are you going to cope?
What are you going to do?
Omg how will you afford to live?

If I'm truly honest the people that have said these things to me are incredibly jealous by nature and would love to be in my shoes, so it's really not a shocker to me but irritating all the same because it's rude.

As I said to start with, idiots.

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