problem at dating scan

[Lostmyemailaddress]

I'm sorry if this isn't in the right place and if it's a bit jumbled but I'm trying to get my head around this.
1 had my dating scan yesterday they moved my due date saying I was a bit further along as baby is big for my lmp I know I can't have conceived earlier then that as I hadn't slept with anyone. So really baby is big. I opted in for combined screening as I'm 35 but this is not my first pregnancy. Everything was going really well until she measured the nuchal fluid at the back of baby's head and neck. Baby is outside the normal range of 3.5mm and is 3.7mm. I have had a blood test and getting the results Wednesday and have been told I will need more scans until 30 weeks and they want me to have an amniocentesis.
Baby's dad says I have to have it and I'm not allowed to talk to anyone about this yet.
I'm scared and feel really alone, I know I am not the first person to go through this but I have so many questions going through my head. He has made it clear of anything comes up he wants me to have a termination but he hasn't said the actual words but says things like we have enough going on at the moment but I don't want to think of things like that yet.
I'm scared of the amniocentesis as I bled badly at the start of this pregnancy to the point they thought I had lost the baby and I have had a previous mc and in my previous pregnancy I lost 1 twin. I don't know if this means there's a bigger risk of mc with having an amniocentesis now.

I know at the moment nothing is for definite but I also know what it could possibly mean for us as a family and the baby and trying to prepare for that but baby's dad and the midwife all seem to be focusing on the the worst case and I need to know there is some hope that things could be ok.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm trying really hard not to cry and keep things together for my other dcs they don't know about the fluid but know about the pregnancy as it was hard to keep from them due to the big bump and how sick and tired I have been for past few weeks.

[PastysPrincess]

Gosh that sounds awful. There is no certainty with anything in pregnancy. Being in a high risk group does not necessarily mean they are certain to get it.

You have to figure out what you want. How will you feel if you have the amniocentesis and lose the baby. Will you definitely abort if it comes back postive? If you want to keep the baby regardless of the outcome then I wiuld suggest you avoid the risk of the amniocentesis anyway. Obviously you have to discuss this with your husband but ultimately it's you who will have to go through it.

[AWaspOnAWindowInAHeatwave]

for you OP. I really hope it all works out ok.

Are you and baby's dad together? Reason I ask is he sounds like he's being terribly controlling and demanding that you hand over your bodily autonomy and your right to free speech. It's your pregnancy, your body, your feelings and emotions - talk to whoever you like and make the decision that's right for you, not him.

[Pooky77]

Don't get the amnio if it's not what you want and please speak to your midwife about your concerns over the risks involved. There are other less risky options to determine if there is a problem should you wish to find out. How awful for your partner to say you shouldn't talk about this, it's a very scary part of pregnancy and if you need advice then you should take it. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

[Lostmyemailaddress]

Thank you for replies. No we aren't together we were trying to see if we could sort through our problems when I found out I was pregnant went do have other dcs together and I have dcs not with him.

I'm honestly not sure if I could go through with a termination if they were to say the baby had disabilities. He wanted me to terminate at the beginning saying the pregnancy and baby would be too much and he didn't want any more dcs.
A big part of me thinks no matter what happens this is still my baby and it deserves a chance to feel loved and wanted no matter what.

[kilmuir]

Not his call who you speak to about it and he doesn't get to insist you do anything.
I have had amniocentesis with all 4 of my pregnancies. Have had 9 miscarriages.
With the last they used a needle with a tip on it that could be better seen on the ultrasound.
I was scared but the risk of miscarriage was not enough for me not to find out what was going on with the baby

[fuzzywuzzy]

Could you have the harmony test? That is pretty accurate (from what I've read) and doens't carry the same risk as an amnio?

With regards dates, my due date for current pregnancy was put forward by a week when I know it was not possible for me to be pregnant, I have no idea how they come up with due dates it doesn't seem to be an exact science.

I would talk to friends and close family about your siutation you need their love and support, and get striaght in your head how you want to proceed depending on the outcome of the tests. If you feel you don't want to end the pregnancy regardless of results of amnio/Harmony test, then do you even want those tests done?

Decide for yourself what would be best for you and go ahead with that, I would most certainly be rallying around firends and fmialy for support tho. Your P is an arse tewlling you not to tell anyone it's not his body or mental health that could be affected.

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

You have all the choices here. You can choose not to have the amnio (I was under a lot of pressure to have one too and chose not to). If there is a problem, you can choose not to abort (or equally, to abort). The baby's father has no say in it. If he is pressuring you or you start to feel he is becoming aggressive, tell your midwife.
Of course, working out what you want is no easy thing. Could you stay away from him for a while and not have him attending appointments with you? I think you need some space to think this through. Not telling anyone else sounds like a really bad idea, since you already feel isolated. If you feel your friends and family would help and support you then of course you should tell them.
Do you think it would help to contact groups/charities to do with Down's Syndrome (I'm assuming that's the disability the test would be for, because of the nuchal fold thing). If you knew what you might be dealing with, perhaps it would be easier for you to think it through.

[Lostmyemailaddress]

Thank you so much for replies. I don't really.have much contact with family due to abuse in the past but I have a sister and friends . As for not seeing him it's hard as he comes to see our dc and he has been in my other dcs lives for the past 5 years they don't have contact with their dad as he wanted nothing to do with them when it was said dc2 had sn he has adhd possible autism and a few other things.
I'll look into the harmony test as part of me wants to know if there is something there with the baby as then I can prepare as much as possible if the baby needs any extra support and help I just don't think I could terminate. I'm sorry if that comes across as selfish.
They are saying at the moment the fluid could indicate downs Edwards plateau or turners syndrome if baby is a girl.

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

It isn't selfish at all. You know how you feel and what you can commit to.
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

[RonBurgundysMoustache]

Lost my last pregnancy I had the same issue my nuchal fold measurement was 3.6mm I was terrified, I had one dd already with a text book pregnancy and birth then had two miscarriages after that so this was a much longed for baby.. that combined with my blood test results put me at 1/80 risk of baby having Down syndrome. We were very lucky in that my hospital offers the harmony blood test in these cases free of charge (it is normally around £400) but I would have paid that anyway for my own piece of mind that there was no risk to the baby. It is a simple blood test where the babies DNA is separated from yours and tested for several abnormalities I had to wait 7days for the results which were the hardest of my life but I got the call to tell me the test had confirmed baby was perfectly healthly and my risk was changed to 1/10,000 of anything being wrong. I had to go on to have an extremely detailed scan at 19weeks of babies heart as sometimes a higher nuchal reading can be signs of a problem there again all was fine and baby was signed off as perfectly healthy, she was born at 42 weeks at 9lb 5oz so it just think she was a chunk! She is now 18months old and an absolute joy.. please don't think a higher reading always leads to bad news it doesn't, obviously some do have the awful news that there is something wrong but there were 5 couples that had the same news we did that same day and all 5 of us got the all clear in the end..... as others have said if you don't want to have an amnio then don't would it be possible to look into having the harmony instead? Ask your hospital if they do actually offer it? And most of all be absolutely certain of what it is you want whatever the outcome.. babies dad does not get to dictate what happens here you do. Hope it all works out for you, and you have the same outcome I did. Take care

[Michaelablackburn]

Sorry if this is the wrong place but Can someone please help me I found out I was pregnant on the 15th December I've been for early scans went last Tuesday and the midwife says that in having a miscarriage because the sac is at 25.7mm but nothing there she said that I'll bleed and it would all come away it's self but I've still had no blood or pains every time I've been to the hospital they haven't have me any bloody test could someone help me

[Titchypanda]

Do not be pressured into amnio if it's not what you want. We decided before we were even pregnant that other than the standard scan measurements, we wouldn't have further screening even with anomalous measurements. It is YOUR body. YOU decide, no one else can force you.

In regards to dating. I know the exact date I conceived as we had iui treatment. Scan dating put us a week and a half ahead. When I asked the nurses, they said they count from the start of your previous period or treatment cycle. So even though my first scan was at 7 1/2 weeks after treatment, I was classed as 9 weeks pregnant.

[Pooky77]

It's not selfish at all. Do what feels right for you.

[Mungobungo]

First, you need to speak to the screening specialist midwife at your hospital and explain to her what is going on and the difficulties that you're having in your relationship with the father. She will be able to take the time to help you through the decision making process.
She can also talk to you about the possibility of a harmony test (although there are small limitations tomthis test too).

It may also be worth having a look on the Antenatal Results and Choices (ARC) website too.

You really need some help and support here to make a decision and not to be told what to do by someone else. This is your body and what happens in this pregnancy has a direct impact on you physically, mentally and emotionally.

As with all screening, it often throws more questions than answers and that's difficult. Please seek support from your maternity unit. Phone the switch board and ask for antenatal clinic, then ask for their screening team.

[MadeForThis]

Definitely look at the harmony test. It's just a simple blood test. No risk to baby but will give a very accurate risk for downs, turners and another trisomy.
Results are about a week.
If it's positive you can also do an amino to confirm again.

I was also 35 and had a very low weight which can effect your blood results

I had a nt measurement of 4.5 and bloods came back 1:5 for downs.

The harmony results were 1: 10,000. And DD was born perfectly healthy.

We also got extra scans to check her heart but all was fine.

I had also had previouslyhad a mmc so didn't want any risk with the amino. I knew I would be happy to trust the results of the harmony.

[haveacupoftea]

Your ex partner has been trying to bully you into having an abortion since day 1, and the reason he is telling you to keep quiet is because he doesnt want anyone telling you his behavior is abusive.

Well, he doesnt get to tell you what to do with YOUR body. You alone make that decision.

Have the Harmony test, just because the NT reading was a bit higher doesn't mean there is definitely a problem. Then decide what you want to do.

[PetalMettle]

Whereabouts are you? Perhaps someone can recommend a place near you to have the harmony?
It sounds very tough for you, I hope you have some support

[harleysmammy]

My dates are possibly wrong, my baby is growing a week and a half ahead of my dates but it could just be that he's a big baby. I had low risk results but I had already decided I wouldn't have an amino if I got high risk because the risk was too high. I also bled most of my first trimester and into the second and I couldn't bear the thought of coming through that okay and then having something go wrong with the amino. If you don't want to have it done, then it's your choice not the baby's dad. When my parents were pregnant with me, they were "older" and had a 1:5 result of me having downs, they had an amino (they had lost 13 before me & didn't want to have it done but were pressured by doctors) and even that said I would have downs. I'm perfectly fine so the fold measurement may not even mean anything and you could go through the risk of having an amnio and the worry afterwards, for absolutely nothing x

[Lostmyemailaddress]

Thank you all so much. I've looked around Google and nearest place the harmony test is offered is Manchester, I am in preston.
I will ring the midwife on Monday and speak to her but I have most of the cost saved and should be able to get the rest by next week.
I will go speak to my sister and friends Monday when dcs are back at school and have a proper read of arc website tonight.
I still don't want other dcs knowing anything until I have answers myself .
My head is a bit clearer in the fact of regardless of the results I will carry on with the pregnancy I just plan on now finding out what I can to make sure of whatever happens I can get fully prepared for what ever outcome.

[YesICanHearYouClemFandango]

You don't have to do anything at all if you don't want to. It's your decision and your decision alone. And whatever you decide to do, that will be the right decision.

I had a very similar experience at my 12 week scan, in fact the nuchal measurement was higher than yours - 4.2. My DS is nearly 2 now and is absolutely fine. He had tests done after he was born too, and they all came back clear. I still can't believe my luck, to be honest.

I had an amnio. It wasn't an easy decision to make by any stretch of the imagination, but eventually I decided that if there was a problem, I needed to know. I couldn't bear not knowing. Physically I found the amnio absolutely fine. Emotionally, it was probably the most horrendous time of my life. So I feel for you

[PetalMettle]

I'm afraid I'm in London so no advice there. A friend's daughter has turners and has a couple of masters degrees from top universities - I know this may end up being totally irrelevant but I'd never met anyone before her.

[Lostmyemailaddress]

I've had my blood results back from the hospital. The midwife said it would be tomorrow. There is a 1 in 25 chance of baby having plateau syndrome or edwards syndrome and a 1 in 12 chance of downs syndrome.
At the scan we was told it was a 30% chance. I wasn't prepared for it today my head went blank I couldn't think of what to say I have to go and see midwife at hospital on Thursday. I can't really make sense of the results now compared to the hospital does anyone know if this means a higher or lower risk then originally thought. I'm going to ring about the harmony test after the hospital appointment on Thursday.
I'm sorry my head is spinning and I'm trying to keep myself normal for other dcs.

[EpoxyResin]

It means a lower risk Lostmy; if you were originally told 30% that would be approximately a 4 in 12 chance. You now have only a 1 in 12 chance or an even smaller chance at 1 in 25, so that's the maths of it. Good luck on Thursday.

[REW2016]

A 30% chance would be 1/3. 1/25 is 4% and 1/12 is just over 8% so in either case lower chance than the hospital had suggested. It might be helpful to write down a list of your questions for when you speak to the midwife later in the week - take your notepad and write down the answers you are given too so that you can re-read and think about them later. If you felt comfortable you could ask someone else to go with you so they hear what is being said too which might also help you make sense of it. Our local midwives would always want to see mum on her own first before inviting Dad/partner/any other person in to the discussion so they can check you are not under any pressure etc so you should get a chance to make it clear to them that the Dad might be trying to influence your decision about what to do. Remember the tests are only an indication, not an exact science and the chances that you would have a healthy baby are still higher than you having a baby with any problems at all. Next steps are your decision.

[Lostmyemailaddress]

Thank you for the replies the percentages make it easier for me to understand so thank you.
I have to go on my own as my sister is going to look after my youngest and pick my dd2 from nursery.
I will write down questions I seem to have lots going round in my head at the minute.
Baby's dad won't be able to come to appointment he's in London at the minute. We spoke on the phone after I had results I told him I won't be terminating no matter what they say and any tests that are done are to confirm any problems so if that need be any support or help the baby needs can be put in place ready for the birth.
I told him if he couldn't respect my decision then I would have him banned from the hospital I'm not sure if I can but will ask the midwife. I really don't want him there if he can't be supportive. It was easier to say on phone because I can shut the conversation down when I start to feel stressed or too anxious.
I don't want to hold onto the thought of everything will be ok with baby as expecting worse things then being told the baby is healthy with no problems will be easier to deal with rather then holding on to hope that it will be to be then told no baby has these problems. That probably sounds bad but I have a history or depression that has been really bad in the past and I don't want to risk going back into it as baby and my other dcs need me to be strong and in control no matter what.