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Book/article recommenations on best way to minimise jealousy between impending newborn and toddler?

(11 Posts)
octonuddle Fri 20-Jan-17 10:53:57

DD is 18 months and will be 24 months when DC2 arrives. She already shows signs of being jealous e.g if we pick up another baby she gets upset. Want to make the transition as smooth as possible and try and avoid jealousy...any tips or recommendations on books/articles?

Grace1980 Fri 20-Jan-17 13:23:56

Can't remember what books I read for myself to prepare (a friend lent me one I think) but a nice kids one is 'I'm going to be a big sister / brother'.

I had my second when my first was 22 months. I got quite stressed about whether she would take to the baby ok, be affected etc etc. My two are now 5 and 3 and they play together ALL the time. They adore each other (and of course squabble a lot too!). When I tell my eldest that she wasn't particularly keen on the youngest when she came along, she can't believe it. They love each other so much.

Im trying to say that however your eldest reacts to the baby / pregnancy, things change an awful lot. Siblings love each other!! Xx

octonuddle Fri 20-Jan-17 15:54:07

Ah thanks! Thats reassuring! Will check out the book you mentioned. Thanks!

roseteapot101 Fri 20-Jan-17 16:04:08

i remember hearing about some books that was good

RedCrab Fri 20-Jan-17 20:46:12

The best thing I heard/read/ was told was to baby them a bit. To not be aghast at any regression in them - like it's a really bad sign or something. Because it's really not - it's understandable. My son was 2.5 when DD was born and he did do little things like want to be held on my lap like a baby at times. The best bit about the advice is to really go a bit overboard with it. So for example, we let him climb into her Moses basket and we tucked him up in a cellular blanket, and cooed over him "oh look at our beautiful baby boy DS! Oh isn't he lovely. What a gorgeous little baby he is! Oh I love him so much!"

He was delighted with anything like that, and lapped it up and it seemed to fill his "cup" up and make him feel really loved. When he'd had enough, he'd wriggle away and go back to his "big boy" things. It was just random little times when he needed it and had such a positive effect. Much better than us trying to explain to him that he was "big" now, not a baby, which I think would have upset him. Sometimes he needed to hear he was a great big brother; sometimes he needed to be tucked up in a big cuddle and rocked like a baby. I guess it's about reading what they need to make them feel safe at that time?

DirtyDancing Fri 20-Jan-17 23:13:46

Red I completely agree, I am doing that with my little one at the moment. He even climbs under my tops and pretends to be a baby in my tummy. I hold him like a baby or talk to him like one and he loves it.

I will talk about the baby for a bit, but always turn it around in the end into him, so say things like "I remember when you was in my tummy and wriggling around" if he asks a question like will the baby have a bath? I will always answer yes, the baby will have a bath etc, and then say you loved having a bath as a baby. It seems to be working so far!!

DirtyDancing Fri 20-Jan-17 23:14:55

Just to add, it doesn't have to be very much, he soon wants to talk about something else or be a big boy again, a little but of mothering of chat seems to placate him nicely

RedCrab Sat 21-Jan-17 08:18:13

Awww yes they love hearing about when they were babies, don't they? Makes them feel so secure and special. The biggest thing I learnt was the embrace their feelings about their sibling(s), not to be afraid of their feelings - like its going to open up a Pandora's box you won't be able to shut again. Which doesn't sound very practical but really helped. Ds (4) loves hearing about himself when I carried him as a baby and then relates it to me carrying DC3 now (I'm 30 weeks pregnant). The other day he asked me if she was playing with my bones in there grin

octonuddle Sun 22-Jan-17 07:41:58

Great tip thanks! Makes complete sense and probably wouldnt have been the way I would have addressed it intuitively so I'm glad I asked. Very helpful! Thanks

ConvincingLiar Sun 22-Jan-17 07:46:09

We've been talking a lot about what will happen when the baby comes and what babies do. We have strsssed that the baby is coming to live in our house forever as a friend's toddler on day 3 wanted to know when the baby was going back.

RedCrab Sun 22-Jan-17 10:50:43

We'd already read Playful Parenting through having DS and there's a lot in there about filling their love cups up - all the little things you can do with them/to them to fill them up with love to fortify them through hard times during the day. Their cups run low and they start to "act out" or be disruptive. Fill their cups up again. So doing things like babying them a little fills their cups back up.

Another thing we did was show him all the photos and videos we took of him when he was a baby. They love that smile

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