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2nd pregnancy but the dad doesn't want to know

(7 Posts)
Caitz27 Sun 15-Jan-17 21:16:07

Hi anyone listening,

Bit of background...I have a nearly 6 year old daughter. I had her when I was twenty with my long term childhood sweetheart. We split up when she was very young but we're still close friends and he's an absolutely amazing dad and she's happily settled.

I met a guy, he is in the military and we were together for a year. I can see now that it was in a lot of ways an emotionally abusive relationship by him. I was very much in love with him and got completely taken in by his talk of wanting to marry and have children. Now I had an operation in which I had one fallopian tube and ovary removed and was told my chances of having another child had been reduced because of it. I was devastated about this. However, in November I feel pregnant with this guy. Before I could tell him about it he decided he wanted us to split up and he was being deployed back to Northern Ireland. I told him about being pregnant and although he didn't have a go at me, he did very much try to pressure me into an abortion. Then he told me on New years day that he'd met someone else and wanted nothing more to do with me. I was heartbroken and still am although trying to move on and make good decisions now. I did manage to contact him today to tell him that I wanted to keep the baby and he told me I was ruining his life because he's happy with this other woman. So I told him I thought it was best if he wasn't involved and he agreed.

So now I'm in a position where I'm going to end up a single parent with two children with two different dad's. Also one child will have their dad heavily involved while the other doesn't have one. I'm very very confused about what is the right decision anymore and am just looking for some FRIENDLY advice.

Thanks in advance.

Whatsername17 Sun 15-Jan-17 21:47:57

I'm sorry you are going through this. Your kids will both be loved and that is the main thing. Have you got any family support around you?

ColourfulOrangex Mon 16-Jan-17 07:48:20

I'm kind of in a situation like this and I panicked to begin with, I have a 5 year old DS who I have bought up single handedly, his dad is currently taken me to court to get access when he hasn't been bothered for so long but that's a different story.

I was with a man for 2 years we conceived a baby together and unfortunately he has since died in a RTA, I had doubts of whether I could continue with my pregnancy and was it fair etc however as long as you know you can cope with 2 on your own then do what you feel is best, your children will know how much you love them and lots of children only have 1 parent in their lives, there are pros and cons for every decision we make but ultimately only you know what is best flowers

Caitz27 Mon 16-Jan-17 13:38:52

Thank you for your lovely messages. I do have family around but when I became pregnant with my daughter at 20 it really effected my relationship with my mum. We've built up our relationship again but I know that when I tell her about this that it will create issues again. I suppose it doesn't matter how old you are, disappointing your mum is always a big deal.

Of course I would absolutely love this baby, I just don't want to make a selfish decision or make one without considering what is best for the baby. Mentally I feel in a very unstable place at the moment and I hate myself for that really

ColourfulOrangex Mon 16-Jan-17 13:40:18

Have you spoken to the doctor about how you are feeling? It's completely normal so please don't hate yourself

Caitz27 Mon 16-Jan-17 13:44:02

Also, ColourfulOrangex, I'm sorry you went through something so hard. I do work in the Court system by the way so if you need any advice in that regard I'm happy to try and help x

Caitz27 Mon 16-Jan-17 13:46:16

I went to my doctor last Thursday, I suffer with PTSD which I was diagnosed when I was a teenager so I have to go through check ups with the doctor anyway regarding that. She was very nice when I spoke to her but just suggested I seek out some more therapy but that ultimately I need to make the decision

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