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Feel so alone even though my partner is wonderful(6 Posts)
I feel so alone and unsupported. I'm in my third trimester of pregnancy with my first and everything has been absolutely fine. The last few weeks I have been buying all the essentials and researching and researching what we need and what happens when giving birth. But without the internet I would know hardly anything. They say when you are pregnant everyone around you wants to give you advice but no one is giving me any advice. My mum sits in her chair all day everyday and can't be bothered to do anything for herself let alone anyone else. I asked her if she is ready to be a grandparent and the response was, not really. My parents house is a mess and so dirty and they have not even started thinking about having a baby visiting. My sister doesn't try and exist in my life. I've spoken to her three times during pregnancy. The first was to tell her the happy news, and about the 12 weeks scan. I was so happy and the response I got was so flat. I then saw her at my parents around her birthday. I gave her a gift but never got a birthday gift from her. Then at Christmas at my parents I saw her but there was no interest from her.
I have a small group of friends but they are so far off thinking about having babies themselves that I cannot even begin to talk about anything without feeling like a zoo exhibit.
My DH is wonderful though, so I should not feel sorry for myself. He is so supportive. Everything has been going well. But I just lack any female companionship or family support and feel really lonely. What am I going to do once our baby is born and my DH is back at work if I already feel this way?? Is this our culture for women to go through pregnancy alone or is this just me?
I'm sorry your family are not being very supportive or enthusiastic about your pregnancy. I'm glad DH is being good, that is a comfort and so important. Have you signed up for any antenatal classes? Either NCT or the free NHS ones? I had a good support network initially with the mum's I met through those. The friendships sort of petered out within the first year, apart from one who has grown to become a very close friend now 5 year on. The other place to go is your local children's centres. I was shy and reluctant to go, but did feel so isolated and gradually worked up the courage to go when DS was 4 months. I wish I had gone sooner! It did take a while to get in the swing of things, not every group was my cup of tea and I didn't hit it off with every lady I met, but it was a place to go and people to take to over a cup of tea. And I began to make friends. There were weighing clinics, baby massage, stay and play, health visitors there for advice. I'd definitely look into that now, my local one also did a bumps and babies group for pregnant ladies to start going and making friends. Please don't let your family leave you feeling isolated and unsupported, there is lots out there for you and you needn't rely on them. Good luck x
I would like to echo everything lucinda said. I'm currently 41+2 weeks pregnant and have found the support from my NCT group a lifeline. Our course only finished a few weeks before Xmas and half the group are still pregnant but even though we haven't really met up as such we have a Facebook messenger group which we use pretty much daily to ask each other's advice or just to support. Who knows whether we'll stay in touch in the long run but it's been invaluable right now. Once I stopped work for mat leave I also started going to a local bumps and babies group. It is a great place to meet other new mum's over a coffee and a chat and my experience is that everyone is happy to offer advice and answer any questions you have based on their very recent experiences.
You will meet some new friends once your baby is here, who will understand everything. I have made my best friends from baby groups x
In our area we have NCT social meet ups for pregnant and new mums which are free. Also ante natal yoga class which is quite friendly. Obviously the people you meet there are quite interested in chatting about all things pregnancy so you will have some company and maybe make a new friend!
Great to hear your good experiences with antenatal/baby groups. I really hope I experience the same. I've been to a couple of prenatal classes but have found that the others in the class are not very engaging. I will keep trying!
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