driving myself mad with self loathing over weight/diet/bump size!

[Lucinda15]

I am posting in the hope I'm not alone! I have posted a similar post over the last month, but need further support with this as I'm driving myself and DH crazy!

I am a size 16, and 19 weeks pregnant with DC2. I've always been a size 12-14. And actually got my myself down to a size 12 and healthy BMI before TTC again 2 years ago. Then we had 4 MC's over 18 months. Through all of that the weight gradually piled on. I was trying to lose it when I fell pregnant sooner than expected with this one and hadn't got very far with the weight loss. On top of that, I had a hideous first trimester, terrible nausea only relieved by constant grazing and carb cravings. And so I'm a size 16, larger than I've ever been and feeling like a whale.

My bump is there, I can feel it nice and hard, but it's hidden by my flabby belly and horrible top bump that overshadows it. I just look fat and frumpy and feel so unattractive. A lady at work is due the same day as me, and has a lovely slim figure and neat obvious bump. perhaps mine wouldn't be getting me down so much if I didn't have her to compare too, but i really have been feeling very self conscious about how I look.

I've tried to eat healthy now morning sickness gone, and it's going well. I'm feeling better for it but obviously not really losing weight nor is that the intention I suppose, but I want to help my weight and not let it spiral. I'm really worried about gestational diabetes and problems in labour etc. I considered slimming world but have been unable to make the classes as I've been so tired after work full time and looking after DS. I'm making a conscious effort to walk more, taking up Pilates and trying to do more physically. But basically, I'm beating myself up about not being in better shape, not being able to do more about it, and looking so fat and frumpy and feeling uncomfortable in my clothes.

I don't really know what I'm after; I guess to hear others in the same position. Everywhere I look I see slim pregnant women with lovely bumps and feel I'm the only one who 'let myself go' and let the pregnancy/baby down. If I do have a treat (a biscuit with my tea at work etc, or pizza for an easy dinner one night) I feel awful about it and beat myself up for days. It's by no means a regular occurence but I just can't feel good about diet at the mo.

I know that's a bit harsh, but my brain is on a downward spiral and can't seem to think positively about this.

[arbrighton]

I'd put some weight on before I got pregnant- had stopped exercising as much and then went on a long holiday.

I'm eating too much now and know I am but I'm just trying to rein it in and knowing there'll be some hard work after bubs arrives.

Try not to let yourself get into that spiral- easier said than done I know, been there. Maybe talk to midwife to see what your service has in terms of mental health advice or GP about anxiety/ getting some counselling. There's a difference between saying 'hmmm maybe shouldn't have had Pizza AGAIN' and beating yourself up for days.

I'm trying to eat as well as I can but sadly the carb rich stuff is still comfort eating. I'm not nauseous but winter is getting to me a bit still

[ALLthedinosaurs]

Lucinda you did what you needed to get through the grim first trimester. I am there right now living on biscuits, rice and mash (occasionally crisps). When only one food doesn't make you retch and head spin, you eat that one food or nothing and nothing is worse. You forget how fucking horrible it is pretty quickly

I had such good intentions before I got sicky. Oh I was going to carry on pilates. I was going to eat low glycaemic foods. I was going to eat a rainbow. Haa haa haa. The only rainbow I'll be eating right now is bloody skittles

Now you are feeling better, try eating healthily. You can't take back what you ate earlier but like I said, you did it because you had to. Don't beat yourself up.

Pregnancy is no time at all in the greater scheme of your life. You will be able to sort it out once baby is here. I was exactly your size during my first pregnancy. I didn't have any problems with labour or diabetes and had an average baby. Size 16 isn't really that overweight, is it? Stop comparing yourself to others. You are not them. Perhaps they had an easy 1st trimester. Perhaps it was so grim they couldn't eat at all?

Once DS arrived I was so busy. I joined slimming world and lost just under 3 stone and began this pregnancy at a size 8-10.

I did worry about "undoing my good work" but tbh growing a baby is more important than that. I've lost weight before and I can do it again. So can you. Stop looking back at what you've eaten already and focus on healthy stuff from now on.

[ALLthedinosaurs]

Oh and if you need a treat, have a (sensible sized) treat. You deserve a bloody treat

[jadeyty]

Well done making sure you're more active and doing Pilates. I'm 23 weeks and I find it difficult to get the motivation to do exercise. The only advice I can really give you is now is not the time for dieting but just make every effort to have a healthy and balanced diet which will help with steadily putting on weight - obviously you will and should be putting on weight so don't get yourself down! Look forward to the fact that after you've delivered a healthy and amazing little baby you can be in control of your body again and lose the weight then! Try not to compare yourself to others - and remember it's alright to give yourself a little treat every now and then as long as you are eating an overall healthy diet.

[haveacupoftea]

It would be lovely if we could all have a nice neat bump, but surely its more important that there is a healthy and happy baby in there. Stop beating yourself up - you're doing your best.

[JOMH1982]

Hi Lucinda, many congratulations on your pregnancy, we chatted on another thread regarding our losses so really glad to see you're here too.

Sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time. I agree with a lot of the comments from others and perhaps you might find it helpful to chat with you midwife about some emotional support, as after a series of losses it can be very hard to enjoy pregnancy (I'm 22 weeks and only just starting to enjoy it now I'm approaching 24 weeks).

Your body is doing an amazing thing but try and give yourself a break if you can. Congratulations again :) xx

[InsaneMummyOfThree]

I'm on baby number four and after three c sections my belly is just awful. After each baby I have re joined slimming world and always do well but then get pregnant again. I'm now 27 weeks and my belly hangs down onto my legs, it's so uncomfortable and looks awful. It really depresses me and I get so fed up about how I look but this is definitely our last baby and I know that once it has been born I will be right back to slimming world hopefully to get the weight off for good. I always breastfeed and that helps alot as the weight always falls off in the first few months. Slimming world even cater for breastfeeding woman and have a plan that includes extra dairy and extra syns. I know its hard but try not to compare yourself to others and try and focus on the fact that your body is doing an amazing job, feeding and protecting your growing child. I have a family member who has been trying to have a baby for over 10 years. Endless rounds of Ivf and too many miscarriages to count. So when Im having a bad day and hating my body I just remember that actually it is amazing and I'm lucky to be in this position. Xx

[Lucinda15]

Thank you everyone and hello again JOMH! Happy to see you hear too.

Your comments have really helped, thank you. I am feeling a bit brighter today. I know I am so lucky to finally be in this position, and the most important thing is growing this baby. I am doing what I can, I'll just keep at it with the healthy eating. And will allow a little indulgence now and then I think I just felt a bit down this weekend. To be honest I think the whole miscarriage debacle over the last couple of years has taken its toll, and I am really struggling to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. And putting pressure on myself for not getting myself in a better position to be ready for it. But like u say, looking back is a waste of time I will just manage things best I can now. And I lost a load of weight breastfeeding DS after he was born so all being well, will hopefully do that again. And I've done slimming world regularly and know I can lose weight there when I am able to go back (I'm just not sure I can manage it at the moment!)

Thanks again for all the kind words. Best of luck to you all with ur pregnancies. X

[SpookyPotato]

I was a size 18 when I got pregnant OP and wished I had gotten smaller beforehand, but only for a moment... I realised there's nothing I can do until afterwards so just accept what is happening to my body and enjoy it. It was easier once my bump popped out at about 5/6 months and the rest of me looked smaller in comparison! You will pop out soon! Just relax and stop worrying about something you can't change. Congrats on the pregnancy!

[InsaneMummyOfThree]

Hey op, glad you are feeling better today. Having suffered an early loss myself I understand how hard it is and being pregnant is after too.so those 18 months must have been tough. Go easy on your self and just try and relax and enjoy this pregnancy. I suffered terrible sickness early on and loaded up with carbs. My favourite was pasta with tuna, cheese and mayo. Disgusting I know but it was the only thing I could eat, funnily enough my kids now love it and ask for it all the time. Lol. Myself and partner were looking at photos this morning of our holiday after youngest was born and he commented how nice I looked on all the photos, it really gave me a boost. Maybe dig out some pics of your slimmer days as inspiration. X