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If baby's dad doesn't want to know

(9 Posts)
lexi873 Wed 11-Jan-17 19:30:19

Hi, I've posted once or twice before about problems with my unborn sons dad. Arguments and fall outs it's all been pretty shit really.
I'm 38 weeks pregnant now and we had a
Huge row on the phone on Saturday which ended on b saying "keep the kid I don't wanna know either of you". This isn't the first time he's said this however this is the first time I'm taking it seriously as he's blocked my number since Saturday and heard nothing.
I've had a text from his mum this evening asking how I'm doing etc and if there's any news on baby yet, then she told me to "stay in touch" and mentioned herself and his sister coming to see me when baby's
Born which of course I said yes.
Just wondering really if she's asked me to keep in touch should I assume he's probably told his mum he doesn't want to see the baby so she's letting me know that she still does? I didn't ask her anything about him as we're both adults and didn't want to look childish or make her feel awkward.
Also in the experience of the ladies on here how many blokes/exs really do stick to "not wanting to know" their baby? I'm hoping that when he's born he'll change his mind and want to bond with him for my sons sake and I'd not stop him just to be spiteful, even tho part of me thinks blocking my number at 38 weeks is a pretty shitty move.

Gregwar Wed 11-Jan-17 20:15:04

That's a really shitty move.

First thing is first... If he can do this when you're pregnant, he can do this when the baby is born. You need to get yourself to a point, physically and emotionally where you don't need him. You can't raise a child on uncertainty. Despite the obvious fact that you wouldn't be pregnant if it wasn't for him, you're the most important person in all of this. You're doing all the work right now, and will do things he can't do when the baby is born.
He definitely has a say in all of this, but your word is final.

I'm talking from a guy who in a similar situation to you in the sense that, it almost feels like my BM doesn't want anything to do with me and doesn't want me involved. I'm literally having to force my way in in hope that she changes her mind. But I have to remember that (not that I've ever forgot) that she is the most important person in all of this. And what she thinks, and her word is final. I have to live with that, and as the bigger man, I will live with that. I'll be the best man/father I can be for my baby, even if that means not being in a relationship with the mother. It pains me to say it but it's true.

Any respectable man will know and understand this. Stay strong, stay consistent, and stay calm.

Quarksoundslikequack Wed 11-Jan-17 21:52:47

Best bet is to assume & get on with life as if you'll never see him again. That way, if he doesn't get in touch, you won't be disappointed, you also don't want to keep some "hope" of him turning up because you'll feel like you are waiting.

I'm in the same boat as you, my ex cut me out at 19 weeks, haven't spoken to him in 8 weeks. He now has a new gf, however I am living my life as if il never see him again, to be fair, I actually believe I won't ever hear off him.

ConvincingLiar Wed 11-Jan-17 23:14:24

I think I'd ask his mum if she knows he's said XYZ. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about.

mumxof3x Thu 12-Jan-17 09:16:43

My ex said he wanted nothing to do with our daughter and has stuck to it. He also tried to hide my daughter from his family. His family did find out when she was 3 and half weeks old. His mum was all interested and now has done the same as him. But him on the otherhand has never seen her, never asked about her or anything.

Feel kind of blessed in a way, as I'm glad she doesn't have people in her life that are capable of such despicable things.

Don't feel like you can't ask his mum, you are simply looking out for your child.

Quark does give good advice there, it is better not to have that hope, I didn't whilst I was pregnant, but once she was born I did think he would come around. He never did....it was nothing but frustrating.

lexi873 Thu 12-Jan-17 10:30:25

Thanks for replies.
I'm hoping he will show interest when the little one is here but if he doesn't then I know we're just well rid.
Just find it unbelievable that some men can have a child and never even want to know or get to meet them.
Must have been horrible for you mumxof3x for his family to be keen and then lose interest.

lexi873 Thu 12-Jan-17 10:56:45

And quark can't imagine how u must feel that he's got a new gf already.
My ex told me he just wants to move on with his life, like we're one big inconvenience to him, makes me sick.

Quarksoundslikequack Thu 12-Jan-17 16:29:46

OP, it's natural to think he might change his mind once the baby is here, I feel the same. Sometimes I find myself imagining the scenario of him turning up at my house asking to see our son however I know it won't happen.

He's too in love with his gf whom he got together with 14 days after leaving me.

Yeah fact is, if his life is going well and he's happy, he won't bother "messing" it up just to include a child he forgot about.

Should his relationship break down, then I'm sure he might come crawling back expecting access....no one knows the outcome.

Both are 50/50, for your sake please make yourself believe he will not be in touch even after the birth.....that way you won't get too upset.

Always remember he is the one missing out.

harleysmammy Thu 12-Jan-17 19:31:55

Little bit different but me and my boyfriend of 3 years and best friends our whole lives, got pregnant when we had literally just left school. Wasnt planned but definitely not a mistake by any means. When i got the positive test, all i thought about was the fact i was having a baby and was gunna be a mammy. When i told him, it took him 3 days to split up with me. I was completely in love with him obviously after being together for so long and begged him for weeks to be involved. My ex mother in law started playing up and after that i gave up, i was fuming. I haven't had any contact with him since i was 3 months, the only thing that gave me reassurance was that i knew i'd be okay and my son deserves a lot more this his father could give him. I would totally let him see his dad BUT he was so nasty and rude about our son that he doesnt deserve to be in my sons life and i am a good mother with or without him. Also a bit different but my sister in law and brother have 2 kids and they were both born just a few years before my brother had to go on 6 tours to Afghanistan. My sister in law had to bring up two under fives on her own whilst my brother was on the other side of the world for 6 months at a time. Even though my brother was still there when he could be, she still had to do it on her own but she did an amazing job. I know that doesnt really answer your questions and im really sorry for rambling if this doesnt make you feel a bit better, but i just wanted to make you feel a bit better and let you know that we can be okay without the dads in their lives. X

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