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A 3rd child after 2 boys

(30 Posts)
horokania Wed 11-Jan-17 19:04:19

Hi ladies, I would love some advice/support about whether to try for a third baby. Is any one in the same boat?

My husband is on board with the idea on the whole, the main reason being that we both come from big 4 children families. But on my side, there is also a secret desire to try for a girl as well, as I did have some feelings of gender disappointment about not having a daughter after my two little boys were born. I kinda hate myself for wanting a girl so badly.
I'm a bit scared about whether I'm lying to myself when I tell myself I would be happy with potentially 3 boys or even if it might mean I want to try for a 4th if the 3rd is a boy.

Please be kind. I do realise I am lucky to be able to have any children at all and my boys are so sweet and make me so happy. But I am hoping for some support and guidance from people who might be in the same situation. Thanks

thecatsarecrazy Wed 11-Jan-17 19:24:21

Its natural to feel that way. I have 2 boys, I'm expecting my 3rd child in the next few weeks. I don't know if I'm expecting a boy or a girl. I hate it when people ask what we hope for because my honest answer is a girl but obviously a healthy baby is the most important.
Dh says he's happy either way but our boys adore him they have shared interests and I would really like that too. The main reason I didn't find out the sex was because if it is another boy I knew I would be a little disappointed but when I have a baby in my arms I know I will love them

NoneOfYourShenanigans Wed 11-Jan-17 19:24:52

I have three boys. I deliberated for ages (5 years!) about having number three, so I know how you feel! I was kind of hoping for a girl third time round but I got three boys and now I'm so proud of that. There's never a dull moment in our house, so much activity, noise and fun. I love it!

Grace1980 Wed 11-Jan-17 20:46:06

I'm expecting baby number three soon - my third girl. I wasn't too bothered about the gender, despite everyone asking if we were hoping for a boy! I think if I had been really hoping for a different gender I may well have felt quite disappointed. I weighed up the pros of both scenarios (3 girls / 2 girls 1 boy) and realised there were loads for each possibility! I absolutely love the idea of 3 girls with similar games and interests as my first two play together so well. I also loved the idea of a boy being doted on by two big sisters. We ended up with scenario number 1! Thinking of the positives for both really helped me decide to go for number 3. It then became about the size of our family and not the genders xx

babyblabber Wed 11-Jan-17 20:56:07

If you had a boy and a girl already would you be thinking of number 3?

I think in your shoes I would go into it presuming it will be a third boy and if it's a girl, bonus. But start with the mindset that it's unlikely and try not to get your hopes up.

I think it's totally natural for a woman to want a daughter, of course we are lucky to have babies and mainly just want them healthy but it's normal to want a daughter.

I know a few people who were in your position, some got the girl they wanted, others got 3 or even 4 boys. One hasn't ruled out a 5th child!

GoodStuffAnnie Wed 11-Jan-17 20:58:51

I have two boys and one girl. I have more in common with my boys, and my husband with our dd. Have another baby. Babies are lovely.

Crumbs1 Wed 11-Jan-17 21:00:23

I wanted four girls no boys initially. All went to plan and I timed things to optimise chances of females (yes, it works if managed carefully). I then had a boy because of a bottle of wine, a night at a very nice hotel and a total lack of self control. I knew at once it was going to be a boy. Loved him dearly from moment he arrived. I would go for it but make sure I timed things for a girl.

wobblywonderwoman Wed 11-Jan-17 21:03:54

I think you have to be sure you want a third boy before you can take the leap.

I have two boys and have no desire for a girl as I am so happy and I think I suit boys... But of course maybe that is just because I have them.

I suppose you should go for it

Pluto30 Wed 11-Jan-17 21:05:15

I wanted just boys.

There hadn't been a boy in my family in 58 years before I had my first son, so that was part of the desire, but also having so many girls in the family meant that I was done to death with pink, princesses, Dora, fairies etc. I couldn't stand it.

I did end up having two sons first. My third was a girl and my fourth (overdue now) is a girl. I chose not to find out the sex with my first three because I didn't want to have any gender disappointment, and that worked, because the second I laid eyes on my daughter, I was besotted.

My DH is one of five boys, my mother one of five girls. I've heard conflicting evidence that either the gender is a 50:50 chance, or the more of one sex you have, the more likely you are to continue having that particular sex of child. So, if you have two boys, for example, you're more likely to have a third boy than you are to have a girl. Not sure which is actually true, as I've heard both.

Chosenbyyou Wed 11-Jan-17 21:22:48

I think this has to come down to if you and DH want a 5th person in your family. Naturally your health finances and all the other considerations.

I don't think it's bad to want a girl I think lots of people have these thoughts but just don't go round talking about it!

I have found out the sex of my second which is a DS and my first was a DD, this was what I wanted deep down and if I had found out another DS would have felt a twang of disappointment.

I would go with your heart - I have never heard of anyone saying they wished they didn't have a third baby but there might be someone?! X

Crumbs1 Wed 11-Jan-17 21:49:47

The key is timing sex around ovulation- malevsperm swim faster but die quicker, female sperm are slower but longer lasting. To increase chances of a girl sex should be two or three days prior to ovulation. Male sperm die off before the egg is released. Girls keep plodding up the reproductive tract until they find that egg! Not guaranteed but worked for all of ours (x6)

horokania Thu 12-Jan-17 08:54:07

You've all been so supportive with your comments, thank you! There's some great advise here about thinking about how much fun 3 boys would be and focusing on that. Out of interest, have any of you tried specifically for a girl/boy by timing it etc and had it not work? I think that would be what would make me disappointed about having a 3rd boy, if that makes sense, as I wouldn't be as able to shrug it off as fate then.

alltouchedout Thu 12-Jan-17 08:57:30

I have three boys. Ds3 wasn't planned, but when we found out I was pregnant and were deciding what to do, the sex of the baby was immaterial. I wouldn't ttc if I was desperate for one sex in particular tbh.

Snowflakes1122 Thu 12-Jan-17 09:08:26

What babybladder said.

I did have a boy after two girls, so it does happen.

Now having another girl-my poor son! grin

Snowflakes1122 Thu 12-Jan-17 09:11:07

And yes we did sway for a boy (the only time we did) and got a boy.

I think there may be something in the timing with ovulation.

Gowgirl Thu 12-Jan-17 09:19:28

I was desperate for a girl after 2 boys, I got very lucky, and i was fooling no one who knew me well with "as long as its healthy", when the sonographer said the magic words all my dh said was thank Christ for that! Are we done now? grin
If she had been a boy I would have loved him lots and tried again.....

Mrs5boys Thu 12-Jan-17 14:31:58

Hi ,, as the name suggests I have 5 boys ,,,, I have 3 friends , two with 4 boys and one with 7 boys and I know that at least 2 of us have quietly admitted having a little gender disappointment at some point ,, it doesn't mean you love the children you have any less it's just a yearning for the baby you didn't have . I always imagined I would have a mixture so it came as a surprise to me to have 5 boys !! I read a lot about timings , certain foods to have a girl ,,, the way you should think of it is 60/40 chance of a boy and if you follow the timings you could tweak it to a 50/50 on whether you have a girl or not . From what I've read there's no certainty but it may sways the odds a little wink

thecatsarecrazy Thu 12-Jan-17 14:54:13

I watched a program once about people who have all boys. One of the women tied everything suggested to conceive a girl after 3 boys. Ph levels, timing, temperature etc but still conceived another boy. We dtd earlier in cycle.

Mrs5boys Thu 12-Jan-17 15:47:59

Yes I watched that a couple of years ago ,, think it was called 4 boys and wanting a girl ??? There was also a couple who paid for gender selection abroad ,,, I always wonder if families with all boys are more conman than ones with all girls as I know lots families with just boy children but none with just girls ?

Mrs5boys Thu 12-Jan-17 15:48:33

Comman not conman wink

Mrs5boys Thu 12-Jan-17 15:49:04

Omg COMMON !!!!! grin

mumsiedarlingrevolta Thu 12-Jan-17 15:59:20

I had two DS and we wanted a third.
We thought we'd probably have another boy-which we would have been delighted with.
I do think you need to be sure you'll be happy with a baby at the end of it all... which ever type it is.
think you can go a bit mad otherwise.
However we also knew that the DGP on both sides were desperate for a girl so we did find out the sex and tell them as we did not want, for one second, the news of darling baby's birth in any way connected with their disappointment-
As it happened we did have a DD as our third, and sadly, last baby
Good luck flowers

missyB1 Thu 12-Jan-17 16:06:00

I have three boys and never found out the gender with any of them until they were born. Once they are in your arms you love them and thoughts of wanting any particular gender tend to disappear! I do wonder sometimes if people are better off not knowing.
If you want a third child go for it, but make sure its because you want another child, not just because you want a daughter.

Strokethefurrywall Thu 12-Jan-17 19:32:27

I have 2 boys and we found out the sex with DS2. When we found out, I had a few days of mourning the DD that I would never have (because we were only planning 2 even though I'd love to have 3) but funnily enough, 2 1/2 years after DS2 graced us with his presence, I think about potentially having a 3rd baby and I'd want another boy, not a girl! It's so weird how our preferences change over time.

Theknittinggorilla Thu 12-Jan-17 20:01:17

Like stroke I had been quite keen to have a girl after ds1, and as the pregnancy was very different I was quite convinced it was a girl. We didn't find out and in the end i was so relieved they were here safe after a difficult pregnancy and birth that I wasn't disappointed at all when ds2 arrived.

I've always wanted three anyway and ironically I'm much less bothered about my third baby (due April) being a girl than I was with number 2. I really like the idea of 3 boys, and can't really imagine having a girl now. But I wouldn't have gone for a 3rd (and my Dh definitely wouldn't have) if I would have been disappointed with a boy. Like a pp said, if this baby is a boy I will probably grieve a bit over the fact I will never have a girl, but won't be disappointed that I have 3 boys (if that makes sense?).

Will find out in April anyway!

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