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What am I going to do

(19 Posts)
Catdogcat Tue 10-Jan-17 16:08:44

I've just found out I'm pregnant, accidentally. I was on the pill but we had a drunken error over Christmas while I was on antibiotics which has obviously stopped it being effective.

I should be pleased because on paper it's all good. Married, stable financially, own home, one child already.

But I'm not, I'm sad.

Sad for beautiful 6 month old DD, who'll now have to share mummy much sooner than anticipated.

Sad for DD and DH because if I have awful hyperemesis again they'll be missing out on a mummy and a wife.

Sad for this poor baby because I didn't want it just yet.

Sad for myself because I've just started my dream job working on a year long project that I now won't be able to see through.

Please tell me it's going to be ok and it's just shock that's making me feel like this.

Ilovecaindingle Tue 10-Jan-17 16:16:05

I have kids 14 months apart. They have grown up close together and at 16+15 they are still close (2xds)
2xdd 15 months apart now 10+11 really close too.
I bf all of them and used it as a chance to have sofa snuggles with the older one too! Fav film /colouring /jigsaws. Apart from the job situ you are def over thinking everything!
Congratulations BTW!! flowers

Blossomdeary Tue 10-Jan-17 16:21:36

It will be fine once the initial shock wears off.

It is a very busy time to start with when you have two little ones so close together, but it all shakes down with time.

Do not assume that the hyperemesis will hit again - I had 3 pregnancies and they were all totally different from each other; as did my DDs.

You will love this new little one just the same and your DD will gain in social skills and fun. And it does get all the pregnancies over in one fell swoop!

Congratulations on this new life starting. flowers

Catdogcat Tue 10-Jan-17 16:35:13

Thank you for the congratulations.

It doesn't help that DH is working away for the next two weeks with limited communication, if he was here I'm sure he'd tell me it'll be fine.

Logistically, I understand it'll be much busier but will mean two children at similar stages.

I'm not going to lie though I'm very concerned about the effect it's going to have on my career but it can't be helped now.

LottieDoubtie Tue 10-Jan-17 18:28:28

sad as a fellow hypermesis suffer I get it- it's a scary thought that it might be about to hit again.

BUT you say you did want to do it again- just not yet. So deep breath. It will he ok, you and your DH will adapt and cope you CAN do this.

Screamer1 Tue 10-Jan-17 18:47:30

I totally understand how you're feeling. I got pregnant unexpectedly after having first dc 11 months earlier and via ivf.

I had a complete meltdown. I think I was in complete shock. I also had hyperemesis and when I went to the gps o even asked about termination. It feels awful now, sat here breastfeeding my 6 month old little girl. The weirdest thing is when I found out I had been researching another round of ivf.

I felt all the things you do. I still feel sad about having been so sick when my dd1 was so little, but I also think of the joy she gets from her sister and how close they'll (hopefully) be.

It's hard work, but then I think it would be whatever the age difference. Having a supportive partner helps enormously.

TheTantrumCometh Tue 10-Jan-17 19:02:10

It will be ok. And don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. I think it's perfectly normal to not quite know how to feel when your life takes a direction you never thought it would.

I was done having DC. I had two, nearly two years apart, and I've found parenting hard during the early years. Our circumstances mean that we just couldn't afford for me to go back to work (with childcare costs etc) and I've really struggled being at home. DS, my youngest, was due to start preschool this month (and has) and I was so looking forward to having just a little time to myself. I was planning how I was going to get the house sorted, look into volunteering so that I have something on my CV when DS goes to school etc And then in September I found out I was expecting DC3. It took a while for me to wrap my head around it. Having to shift my focus on to a different path hasn't been easy.

I have been excited and I've, mostly, wrapped my head around it now!

And try not to worry about the age gap, there are infinite age gap possibilities and all of them have advantages and disadvantages. And it's very common when expecting DC2 (whether planned or not) to worry about not having enough time with your eldest, or not loving the youngest as much. But you do and you will. Things will be different, but that doesn't mean they're worse or that your DD is missing out flowers

Catdogcat Tue 10-Jan-17 19:15:34

Thank you everyone.

Feeling slightly better that I'm not alone in this!

I've spoken to DH who is so supportive and actually seemed quite excited!

Fingers crossed I escape the hype nemesis this time.

Catdogcat Tue 10-Jan-17 20:17:31

Those of you with more than one child, does the guilt of them not getting all of your attention ever go away?

Screamer1 Tue 10-Jan-17 22:51:11

I'm only 6months in so no expert but I don't feel guilty as such. I try and make sure I have at least one part of every day where it's just me and dd1. Even if it's just 15 minutes reading books together. I feel more guilty about him going to nursery and me going back to work. I think as mother you are programmed to feel guilty but suspect it would be a much easier experience if we knocked that on the head.

It's a big adjustment for sure but The positives definitely out weigh the negatives...so far!

sj257 Tue 10-Jan-17 23:11:34

My older two are 17 months apart, it's hard but rewarding xxx

Catdogcat Wed 11-Jan-17 20:51:25

Had a mini meltdown to my mum this morning before work.

She gave some great advice.

Feeling very lucky to have lots of support.

Screamer1 Wed 11-Jan-17 21:04:39

It's good to be open about your fears, because then people close to you can reassure you and give you the support you need. Really glad your mum is there for you!

poghogger Wed 11-Jan-17 21:49:13

Oh OP I was where you are when I found I was pregnant a few months ago, I was devastated TBH and felt very silly as my dd was only 9 months at the time. Like you, my dh was surprisingly very excited and it really made me feel more positive. I think anything big and unplanned like this knocks you for six but when you embrace it it can be wonderful, I'm 5 months pregnant now and still quite daunted by the age gap but also thinking I'll just get my social life and career back completely sooner rather that getting it back then taking another break ifyswim. And I'm excited to have another snuggly newborn!

I also have the same concerns about my dd having to share me and dh, but actually she's an incredibly social toddler and I think she'll love having a sibling so close in age as a playmate.

It's great that you have such good support and it will make a world of difference.

Catdogcat Fri 20-Jan-17 21:31:16

Thanks for everyone's advice, sadly I started bleeding on Wednesday and have lost the baby. Genuinely devastated.

lorelairoryemily Fri 20-Jan-17 21:35:38

flowers for you

DirtyDancing Fri 20-Jan-17 23:07:05

Sending flowers

sj257 Sat 21-Jan-17 05:50:03

flowers xxxx

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees Sat 21-Jan-17 05:54:48

flowers

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