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Partner not happy about pregnancy anyone gone through the same?

(10 Posts)
Embra Mon 09-Jan-17 23:24:22

We have been together for about 3 years with last year on and off and this pregnancy wasn't planned, but I still happy about it even if it's not good time for me, but it's my first and I am excited. but my partner hates it and doesn't want to have a baby and rude most of the time to me. We tried to work it out over Christmas holidays and some days he seems to be warming up to the idea but then again he start being rude and abusive saying that he hates me and the baby. I am scared of doing this alone and I start being depressed, I can not talk about this to anyone as I am just too embarrassed.

TimidLividyetagain Mon 09-Jan-17 23:29:59

You can do this, what support do you have do you live near Relatives? Congratulations on your pregnancy

Tks18 Mon 09-Jan-17 23:32:29

I was in a similar situation, rocky relationship and became pregnant after 4years together. OH was very negative to begin with even saying he didn't think the baby was his due to being on/off . Once DD was born he was a lot more positive, but it wasn't until she had to go into hospital due to being unwell and we both had to have blood taken to check it wasn't anything to do with us that he finally became a fantastic dad. I think this was down to him realising she really is his child. Has your partner voiced any concerns that the baby may not be his due to you being on/off?

Embra Tue 10-Jan-17 07:40:08

Yes he mentioned this and I offered to do paternity test whenever he is available (non invasive now or after the birth).. thank you for your support tks18 I don't live near relatives but my parents very supportive and my mom will come over to help when needed. It's not the same as having partner but still. And I feel like a failure at this stage. Thanks, timidlividyetagain.

harleysmammy Tue 10-Jan-17 16:21:30

I was with my partner 3 years when i got pregnant and have been inseparable best friends since we was kids. Our son wasnt planned but when i got that positive, it was without a doubt the best day of my life. He wasnt as happy, we was young and he could see the difficult side where as i just saw that i was going to be a mammy. Im 24 weeks and everythings fine now. Their men, they have their moment and then they get over it. He's as excited as me now, his parents and my dad was the same. Shocked and upset at first and now at 6 months, i cant stop them buying everything baby ish in the shop, they're so excited and over the moon to be grandparents. People get over the initial shock, dont worry x

IHaventStoppedCravingYet Tue 10-Jan-17 16:31:15

DS1 was totally unplanned. I had only been dating my partner a few months and it wasn't serious. Totally different situation to you I know. When I told him I was pregnant he broke me up with me a week later. I also felt embarrassed as I was 30 and knocked up like a teenager! But please don't feel this way, everyone was really supportive to me and having my son was the best thing ever. He's 13 now and sees his dad regularly and they have a great relationship. We never got back together and are both married to other people now with more DC each. I was terrified of doing it on my own and he put a lot of pressure on me to have a termination which I didn't feel was the right thing for me at all. After a few months I asked him to say nothing if nothing constructive to say! No real advice but just wanted to say you can do it, it can work out just fine even on your own. It might not be how I'd expected to have my first baby but wouldn't change a thing. And if you need to talk, we are always here flowers

Tks18 Tue 10-Jan-17 16:40:15

You are far from a failure. He will come around, things were rough for me until he finally knew she was biologically his but we're still together now 4 years on from that. I don't know much about paternity testing whilst pregnant but don't do anything invasive he will just have to be patient and wait. I'm sure as soon as he knows your baby is his a weight will be lifted. For now you just need to focus on yourself and your baby flowers

ConvincingLiar Tue 10-Jan-17 18:26:28

Saying he hates you and the baby doesn't sound like the 'ordinary' pregnancy panic. That's really unpleasant. I'd be planning to go it alone or to not go ahead at all.

Munchkin1412 Tue 10-Jan-17 21:24:47

Yeah - it would worry me that he's saying he hates the baby. He sounds very young? I'd be concerned about him having any involvement unless his attitude drastically changes - and definitely plan for him not being involved at the moment.

Embra Tue 10-Jan-17 22:45:38

Thank you so much everyone your messages just make me see the perspective that nothing can stay in life negative forever. He is not young at all almost 40 and he has 2 other kids from previous marriage. I know he had it hard first time due to mother basically dropping kids on him( and family) to raise and one kid had some health issues. He does care about them very much. I am shocked by his reaction and I do understand he is upset but to say such awful things , like he is different person with me now. thank you everyone for your support though, it means so much !

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