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Anyone else got unsupportive parents?

(12 Posts)
babyunicornvomit Sun 08-Jan-17 20:22:50

Finally told my parents I'm pregnant - been putting it off ever since I found out 2 months ago. They're quite strict and even though I live away from home they still sometimes forget I'm turning 21 soon.

I'm in a stable, extremely happy relationship, we're sorting our house together and he works full time while I finish my degree in March. Baby due end of July or 1st August (dating scan not for 2 weeks).

They told me they're 'gutted' which really hurt as my boyfriend and I are so happy. I expected 'we are disappointed with you' but to say they're gutted to us says they don't want this grandchild. I thought they'd at least be happy at that prospect even if they weren't happy with me. It's really upsetting me.
Anyone else had experience with unsupportive parents, please tell me they came around...

MrsK8541 Sun 08-Jan-17 20:27:46

I got pregnant at 21 after being with my dp a matter of months. Told my parents and my dad walked out the room swearing about what an absolute disaster it was. Dp and I were actually very happy despite not being together all that long! A few weeks later my dad admitted he was actually a little bit excited to have a grandchild, so he did come round. Unfortunately I miscarried this baby so he never got his grandchild.
I got pregnant again a couple of years later and he wasn't overjoyed but his reaction wasn't extreme at all. Miscarried again a few weeks later.
I'm now only about 5 weeks pregnant and have told my parents already. My dad appeared happy, but mum said she was worried for me! Dp and I are engaged and in our own home now so it's not like we are still in early stages of our relationship!
So yes, parents will come round. They will have to if they want any sort of relationship with their grandchild, and I'm sure no parent would want to miss out on that.

Don't stress, take care x

babyroo1 Sun 08-Jan-17 20:29:06

No direct experience but my sister got pregnant at 17 during her first year in Uni (she's the eldest of 5 of us and was the apple of my dads eye). I don't think my dad looked her in the eye for about 2 weeks after he found out and the atmosphere was definitely frosty for several months. Fast forward 18 years, my niece is now 17 herself, my sister married her then boyfriend when they were 24 and they also now have a 9 year old boy. It was hard for the first year (from a younger sister and now mum myself looking at the situation) but time helps. Your parents will soften and no doubt adore their grandchild when it arrives. Good luck!

calimommy Sun 08-Jan-17 20:34:01

Everything changes after baby arrives but until then people feel they can say what they want. I expect they are disappointed your not working yet and are worried this will affect your career. If your happy then try to ride it out and don't rise to baiting. Certainly try your best not to loose your cool because this will only reinforce their opinion that your too young.
Good luck it will all work out in the end.

TheUpsideDown Sun 08-Jan-17 20:56:54

Yep, got a ton of stories about how unsupportive, unencouraging, perpetually-disappointed-in-me, can-do-no-right, bullies that my parents are. But I shan't boire you with them all!

My dad (separated from my mother) disowned me at 18 because I swore at him as a result of his unsupportive selfish nature when something awful happened to me and I needed him. He told my sister he never wants to see me again as I "have a foul mouth". He decided if all it took to disown me was me swearing at him to disown me then I was no longer going to fight beg and plead for his love. I have never seen him again and I'm now 34. It was the best decision I made after 18 years of put-downs.

My mother also went on to disown me at 22 when I fell accidently pregnant (I was vigilant with the pill but it still failed me) to a man who had begun hitting me. I'd decided to throw him out, and opted (after a LOT of heartache and soul-searching) to terminate the pregnancy, as the police had refused to protect me or prosecute my ex due to 'lack of evidence' but said social services would take my baby due to my accusations of violence (I actually received a personal apology some years later when a new CEO took over the domestic abuse dept). My mother blamed me for my ex hitting me, told me to lie in the bed I'd made, and then on the day of the termination called me to tell me I was murdering HER grandchild.... My mother herself has had two late abortions, but apparently that was different.

Again I decided I no longer wished to fight beg or plead for her to be my mother. And we had no contact for a year. She also made all the otherfa!ily members cut me off too. Only my nanna refused to cut me off, so my mother cut her off as well. All the other family members were also instructed to cut my nanna off too.

However a year later stepdad called me and said my mother had asked for contact again as she'd got cancer. So I did. But it turned out she didn't have cancer, she'd over exaggerated a benign growth. I can't prove she over exaggerated on purpose but I have my strong suspicions.

But after I refused to go crawling and begging for her to not disown me, and just accepted it and good on with my own life - and despite it being fucking hard on my own - I managed it. I grew stronger than ever. She knows she'll never have the power to treat me like shit anymore as she has nothing left to throw at me. So I maintain a distant relationship, but we'll never be close.

I take solace in that I found a few years later my very loving supportive dh. His huge lovely family also welcomed me with loving open arms just like he did and are just as supportive. Then dh and I got married and I had my own beautiful sweet loving son. They are all my world. My parents did not succeed in making me unhappy forever.

You have your partner, you have a beautiful baby on the way, you have ypour whole future ahead of you. Don't let your parents drag you down. Its your life. If they don't like the decisions you make (like having a baby) then let them stew in their bitterness while you bask in the happiness.

Congratulations xxx

TheUpsideDown Sun 08-Jan-17 21:00:13

*sorry about all the typos in my post above!

TheUpsideDown Sun 08-Jan-17 21:03:37

PS. I'm not saying you should cut off your parents BTW, just saying don't let it tar your own unhappiness, or be desperately begging for their approval. It does hurt, but you can't live your life to please your parents

BurntAroundTheEdges Mon 09-Jan-17 09:22:39

My parents have said so many hurtful and unsupportive things and even though I'm almost 31 now, I'm still afraid to tell them things (mostly my dad). My 1st pregnancy was a 1 night stand so as you can imagine, they wern't best pleased but they soon came round. I'm now 5 weeks pregnant with a man I love and I know they won't be happy for various reasons but it never lasts long. It's just the initial shock I suppose.

harleysmammy Mon 09-Jan-17 12:01:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Libbylove2015 Mon 09-Jan-17 14:06:49

Sorry they had that reaction, it must have been hard to hear.

It is a bit unreasonable in my opinion too - you aren't 16 - 21 isn't that young to have a baby.

If I could have my time again and was in a stable relationship at your age, I would have had my children before my career started. As it is now, I am 35 and really (I chopped and changed a lot) career wise things are just going well - but I am facing a 5 year career break to raise children, at just the wrong time, and my career will undoubtedly suffer.

Go for it and don't worry - the minute they look into it's eyes, they will be over the moon!

LazyBeetroot Mon 09-Jan-17 16:54:13

My brother was a bit younger than you when his girlfriend got pregnant. My parents were devastated at first and very worried, but were very supportive. They came round and adore their grandchild. I think they have really enjoyed the advantages of being grandparents at a younger age too.
Your parents are maybe disappointed because they hoped for something different for you. Hopefully with a bit of time they'll come round. Try to ignore their reaction for now. If you're happy they'll see that.

MollyHuaCha Mon 09-Jan-17 17:09:57

Sometimes you just can't please parents! In their minds they have mapped out a journey for you and when you stray from it, it throws them.
My parents nagged and nagged my older sister about "leaving it too late to have children". But when she announced her first pregnancy at age 38 they were appalled because she and her P were not married. Once the baby arrived, they quickly came around to bring grandparents. Enjoy yr plans for your new family. There's a good chance yr parents will come round to yr way of thinking.

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