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New First Time Mum - help and advice needed

(16 Posts)
Starlight85 Mon 02-Jan-17 06:36:11

I'm a first time mum and found the support and advice from here so helpful throughout my pregnancy and I finally got to meet my DD on 30th after being induced early due to her measuring small.

I'd love to be able to ask for support and advice on this next part of our journey, but not sure what boards would be best, any tips?

What I'd really like advice with atm in case anyone can help is with getting my DD to sleep in her Moses Basket.

She sleeps really well but only when being held or laying next to me or my OH!. She just won't sleep in her Moses Basket even if we put her in there when she is asleep.
For the last few nights we have had to take it in turns to stay awake with her to hold her.
After an induction and a labour that then went over the second night we are both exhausted and just would like to be able to get a couple of hours sleep overnight as well as trying to catch up in the daytime. I'd also like her to be able to sleep in her Moses Basket during the day.
Any tips or advice would be so helpful.

RedCrab Mon 02-Jan-17 06:46:37

I had this with my second child and it was a huge shock because although we purposefully decided to co sleep with DC1, I could just feed him and lay him down next to me and he'd sleep. So it was a huge shock to find my DC2 was not the same! I ended up finding that a combination of a side sleeping wedge and a reflux wedge whilst swaddled got her to sleep not on me and was a lot safer than her sleeping on me upright.

You can post in Sleep and also Parenting - there's lots of good advice there. I would also look into co sleeping safely. It's not surprising little babies want the comfort and reassurance of sleeping on their parents but it's so exhausting for you and not safe for them. Even as a supposedly experienced second time parent, I was flummoxed by this. It is very safe co sleeping providing you follow safe precautions in the set up and practice. You poor thing, you must be so exhausted. You'll find your way soon enough.

icklekid Mon 02-Jan-17 06:51:34

Your baby is days old (congratulations!) And adjusting to being outside (google 4th trimester) and will take sone time to adjust. Dh and I don't really remember the first couple of weeks of ds life as we took shifts watching tv holding him asleep over night. Lots of recording of tv/Netflix type things helped. He would go down in the day just not at night- have you tried swaddling? It doesn't last forever though you do have to go into survival mode and sleep when you can!

RedCrab Mon 02-Jan-17 06:53:31

It's much safer to plan to co sleep than to do it accidentally because you're exhausted. Here's a link about safe co sleeping practices - it's easy to set up and if you planned to go to sleep like this, you might end up getting a bit more rest.

spacefrog35 Mon 02-Jan-17 07:01:47

Congratulations flowers

If you look under talk / being a parent you'll find all sorts of topics like sleep, postnatal clubs & just general parenting

PotteringAlong Mon 02-Jan-17 07:05:05

DS2 would sleep on the Moses basket; DS1 never did. Some babies just don't (it's one of the things they don't tell you!).

Starlight85 Mon 02-Jan-17 07:31:17

Thanks for your replies. 😊

I understand that it's a massive adjustment to her being in the world and that it's reassuring for her to be with us and I'd love to just cuddle her all day and night, but I also need to try and catch up on some sleep.

I will look into co sleeping, although I don't know if I'm too worried about something happening to her to try it. I will read that guidance though.

I will try swaddling, it was just the midwives said this isn't recommended due to possible overheating and I'm just really anxious about doing anything that could harm her. I guess doing it with a muslin cloth would help prevent this?

I knew I would feel tired once she was here and I knew I couldn't even comprehend how tired, I just naively thought she might sleep in her Moses Basket sometimes even if it was an hour at a time.

icklekid Mon 02-Jan-17 07:56:18

Yes try a giant muslin to swaddle but overheating is unlikely at this time of year unless your heating is very high. Do you have a room thermometer?

A next to me crib might help rather than moses basket if your not keen on cosleeping. A lot of people find sleepyheads work well but at £100 aren't cheap!

McBaby Mon 02-Jan-17 08:02:32

It's tough some babies just don't like to be put down at the start. She has been inside you for 9 months and has no idea how to be separate from you as she thinks she is part of you.

Take it in turns to hold her, co sleep, sling, it is hard at the start esp after a long labour but it gets easier.

RedCrab Mon 02-Jan-17 08:11:04

I do understand the anxiety and worry about co sleeping - we planned to do it and I still was worried! Look at it this way: It's much better - and safer - to set up co sleeping safely than for one of you to fall asleep with her on you because you've tried to stay awake during your stretch through the night. The babies that have sadly died through suffocation were generally held whilst a parent sat in a chair or a sofa and fell asleep, and the baby slipped from their arms.

I'm not trying to pressure you smile And I really do understand the worry. But until it was pointed out to me, I couldn't logically understand the difference.

RedCrab Mon 02-Jan-17 08:17:43

And actually it's probably worth me talking about my Dc2. I was an experienced co sleeper but my daughter was just like you're baby - I had to sit up right in bed holding her for her to sleep. She just wouldn't sleep next to me or in her Moses basket. I did that for two weeks and was exhausted. One night I woke in the night to find DD had slipped to the floor. Luckily we just sleep on mattresses on the floor and no harm was done but it seriously freaked me out and I realised I was not taking safe precautions and I should stop immediately.

Like I say, I was experienced co sleeping - had done it properly from birth with my first child. But what I was doing with DD was totally incorrect. That's how I ended up using the combo of wedges and swaddling I mentioned in my PP. I guess my thinking was if she liked being held, upright and on her side, i could safely re-create it somehow?

BluePeaches Mon 02-Jan-17 08:22:17

The first few days are so hard - all they want to do is to be held! I remember well the first few nights of being awake all night and wondering how the hell we were going to cope. Like other posters, we found using a swaddling cloth really helped. We also bought a sleepy head - expensive but it made her sleep and we used it every night for eight months!
Good luck - it will get easier, enjoy your tiny bundle.

Whatsername17 Mon 02-Jan-17 09:15:08

Try swaddling and a sleepyhead mattresses. You put the mattress inside your moses basket. It ages baby feel like they are being held. You can also try putting a worn t-shirt of yours on the bottom on the crib so that she can small you.

Rockingaround Mon 02-Jan-17 09:22:14

Hi OP, you could try breastfeeding on your side lying down, even if only initially during the daytime, your DD may then drop off and you could too. Do this in your bed with baby in a sleep sack if you have one, you could just have a blanket on as opposed to the duvet. Has your milk 'come in yet' ?

Rockingaround Mon 02-Jan-17 09:28:20

I only ask because the milk arrival is quite intense the first time, and it's much easier on you to just let baby do all the work, so lying down (preferably on a towel) and letting baby just feed, feed, feed will help ease the pressure and make you more comfortable and she will also be able to regulate your supply and her own needs. It's very cute when they go into the milk coma cake (she's probably ready for more than the colostrum now)

LauraK1987 Fri 06-Jan-17 16:37:53

Hi starlight,

Congratulations! I really sympathise with you as my son was exactly the same! He would (ironically) sleep in his Moses basket during the day but at night we had no chance! We would spend ages settling him and making sure he was "properly off" but as soon as his back touched the Moses basket he'd be screaming again and would only settle being cuddled. We tried a couple of things that both seemed to work...the first one was I got a top or best or something (nearly 5years ago 😕 I can't quite remember what) and I lay it under my quilt all day long so my scent sort of soaked into it and I lay that with him so he could smell me all the time and we also played around with different sleeping positions (midwives/health visitors will give lots of conflicting thing to do is research and use your common sense I found!) and he was most comfortable and relaxed on his side and from then we didn't really have a problem...maybe try something like that? Xx

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