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Don't want to talk about my pregnancy

(13 Posts)
V139217 Sun 01-Jan-17 16:15:44

Tips on how to avoid talking about my pregnancy please:
When I return to work I'll be 25 weeks pregnant and I look it.. no more hiding it but I do want to avoid a big announcement and lots of questions. How do I politely let ppl know I don't want to discuss it?
I'm quite a private person normally but my reluctance mainly stems from the fact that I had a miscarriage a year ago. I didn't talk to anyone about that but it affected me very deeply. So much so that I feel pessimistic about this pregnancy and probably a little guilty. I know I need to just get over myself and accept that others will be happy for me and want to share in my pregnancy... but I'm starting to have panic attacks just thinking about returning to work.
How do I handle this sensitively? I really don't want ppl to think I'm ungrateful... it took us 3 years, many fertility appointments a terrible loss to get to this point.

AlertTheWorldThroughPoetry Sun 01-Jan-17 16:26:48

I think you might find it difficult. I'm quite private about personal stuff at work but I'm currently 20 weeks and it does get mentioned quite a bit. It is mainly my staff asking how I am (had awful morning sickness) and making sure I don't do anything strenuous! It was odd at first but I quite like it now!

Bluntness100 Sun 01-Jan-17 16:27:23

Ok, so you get there is mental health issues and they are yours. And you get people will be polite and mention it,so maybe you need to seek some medical help here to deal with your pregnancy?

Ragwort Sun 01-Jan-17 16:28:29

I think it would be quite hard to tell people not to discuss it, anything like that makes people even more inquisitive - how about just answering questions politely but not sharing too much information, along the lines, 'I am absolutely fine thank you, no morning sickness, looking forward to the birth in <insert month> ............. now, tell me about your holiday plans this summer or can we discuss the new project we are working on'.

Have you got a couple of colleagues you can confide in and suggest they try to steer any 'pregnancy' talk away from you?

In my opinion, if you don't talk too much about it then most people will take your lead - I never discussed my pregnancy with anyone and was never asked any inappropriate or otherwise questions.

Passmethecrisps Sun 01-Jan-17 16:32:36

if this were me I would share with a couple of very trusted colleagues and ask them to speak to people. So literally they share the news but also ask others to be sensitive.

I let it seep out that I am pregnant just before the holidays and it takes me hugely me surprise just how involved people are. I had lots of delight and people being extremely pleased as well as some touching, staring at my non-existent bump and in two instances moving my scarf out of the way so they could fully examine me.

Now, this is my second pregnancy and it has all been straightforward so I was prepared and don't have the anxiety you have. But I do completely understand why you would like to keep what is your business, yours.

I really would encourage you to share with a small, select number though.

pklme Sun 01-Jan-17 16:32:40

Definitely, ask one or two trustworthy colleagues- and your boss- to help steer the conversation away. You may need to ask them to spread the word, as it is usual to be quite chatty about it. I'm sure a message asking that conversations about pregnancy be avoided would be respected, as there could be other employees who have suffered losses or are unable to get pregnant who would also really appreciate it being low key.

Passmethecrisps Sun 01-Jan-17 16:34:09

I took so long to post that I cross posted with ragwort.

I also agree with her that most people will take your lead actually.

Wonderflonium Sun 01-Jan-17 16:36:51

Answer with non-committal stuff "yeah, so excited" "mustn't grumble" sort of stuff and then re-direct onto the other person. People love talking about themselves!
I got my colleagues talking about their pregnancies/births but you can get them talking about their home renovations and weekend plans if that's still too close for comfort.

V139217 Sun 01-Jan-17 18:41:49

Ok thanks. I think my only option is to be polite but brief. I know I can get one of my close friends on board to help change subject if needed, good tip.
bluntness- I do get that I am being 'weird' about this. My midwife knows that I'm struggling with this pregnancy and we're keeping an eye on things (don't want to take medication unless v necessary).
Thanks for the support

Whatsername17 Sun 01-Jan-17 18:52:20

I had a miscarriage last year then got pregnant again. I found being honest was the best way. 'I'm pregnant- I really don't want to talk about it as I lost a baby last year'. People were very good to me to be honest. It becomes easier; honestly.

raviolidreaming Sun 01-Jan-17 19:02:22

Answer with non-committal stuff "yeah, so excited" "mustn't grumble" sort of stuff and then re-direct onto the other person

This is what I've been doing and it's worked well. I just don't engage in conversation about my pregnancy so it quickly fizzles out. It's not 'weird' to not want to discuss your medical history / medical details with work colleagues. It's only because pregnancy is so visible that some people think it's open to discussion, like some sort of public property.

haveacupoftea Sun 01-Jan-17 19:15:11

I agree, just tell them the truth. If they're anything like my colleagues they'll rarely bring it up unless you do first. Pregnancy is not really that interesting to other people.

CordeliaFitzgerald Sun 01-Jan-17 21:16:57

OP, I'm exactly the same as you. I'm only 13 weeks but I'm going to have to tell my boss and HR next week due to the nature of my job. I'm dreading it. Other than that I'm not planning on making any sort of announcement, and I'm quite a private person at work anyway so hopefully people will just leave me to it. Polite but brief sounds like a good plan!
I think the main reason I don't want to talk about it is everyone being so excited when I don't really feel like that. I don't even like talking about it with my family but at least they understand why as they know what I've been through before. I'm hoping I'll start to feel more positive as time goes on, and hopefully you will too.

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