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At what stage do midwives care about you?

(65 Posts)
Hollyhop17 Fri 30-Dec-16 08:46:29

I am 11+2 and just returned yesterday from a week in NY where I spent most of the time in hospital due to two separate bleeds. I have had numerous scans and the baby appears to be doing ok but obviously I am very worried. They told me in NY I was having a threatened miscarriage and I should seek help as soon as I arrived home. I left a message for my midwife yesterday when I landed and she rang me back this morning and basically couldnt have cared less. She said that I would have an appt at 16 weeks and they would check on me then. That was it. I am so appalled I am sat here crying. I really thought the NHS would care more and I would get an appt straight away. I assume because its early still they dont care if I have a miscarriage? How many weeks do you have to be gone before you recieve proper care? I feel a bit lost for words at the callousness of the call sad

RapidlyOscillating Fri 30-Dec-16 08:52:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RapidlyOscillating Fri 30-Dec-16 08:53:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick Fri 30-Dec-16 08:54:00

It's not that she didn't care, it's just there's not really much anybody can do this early on. They're not going to admit you to hospital like they would in the states and as you've had all the tests there there's not really much else to do atm..Are you bleeding right now?

Just rest and take it easy, you must be worried sick flowers

PotteringAlong Fri 30-Dec-16 08:54:38

But if you were in the U.K. The chances are you wouldn't have been in hospital for a bleed at 11 weeks. It's not that they don't care but it's a wait and see scenario. The USA will have had you in and scanned you because they can charge you thousands of dollars for doing so, not because there was any real need to do so.

53rdAndBird Fri 30-Dec-16 08:55:57

Your midwife sounds very unsupportive and unhelpful. I don't blame you at all for being upset about that.

For first-tri bleeding, though, it's not so much that they don't care if you miscarry, as that there's not a lot they can do about it. If you've had scans already and all seems fine, and the bleeding has stopped, they would not see it as necessary to check you again.

You should be getting a dating scan soon? That'll give you a better idea of how things are going with your pregnancy.

Also, flowers and brew. It is really terrifying when you have bleeding in pregnancy, and some midwives really do have a very dismissive approach to women's concerns in pregnancy. It's not nice at all.

bearsnumberonefan Fri 30-Dec-16 08:58:23

After having 4 dc on the NHS I can say the "care" you want from midwives won't appear until the babies head is descending through the vagina. It's a very laid back approach over here

MollyHuaCha Fri 30-Dec-16 08:58:37

💐

Hollyhop17 Fri 30-Dec-16 09:05:36

Thanks everyone. No I have not bled new blood since Tuesday. I am in bstoke (family home not my area) and contaced the EPU who are scanning me this morning. I understand that things are different in the US but as they discharged me they did insist I get help straight away. One doctor even commented saying 'I'm sure you cant wait to get back to the NHS'. They dont make any money from me seeking free help at home. It is my first pregnancy and I really thought there would be nore support. I was told I would be classed as a high risk pregnancy over there and they assumed I would be referred to a specialist here. But nothing. Seems sad that people arent given support just because there isnt anything they can do. Really just do disappointed in the NHS which I normally love.

rollonthesummer Fri 30-Dec-16 09:10:55

Did they (US) tell you that you would be high risk here (UK) because you had some bleeding? Or for another reason?

gamerchick Fri 30-Dec-16 09:11:35

It is sad but there just isn't the resource unless you go private.

Hollyhop17 Fri 30-Dec-16 09:17:22

Yes because of the unexplained bleeding and because they measured my cervix as short. Something else the midwife didnt seem remotely bothered about.

Fallonjamie Fri 30-Dec-16 09:20:09

What would you be expecting them to do?

Madshiplollipop Fri 30-Dec-16 09:22:27

Ask for another midwife or see a go. Sadly some are callous bitches but the explanation for that is they are terribly busy, apparently.
Don't be part of someone else's care by hanging back and not wanting to bother them . I'm sure they are very busy but your priority is you, not some other person. That other person can fight their own fight for good or, at least, average care.
I am sorry I sound so bitter and twisted about it but I am saying to you what I wish someone had said to me.

Finola1step Fri 30-Dec-16 09:24:38

IME, midwives become more involved from about 32 weeks. Before that you see the for booking in, a few blood tests etc but that's it. Essentially, resources are so stretched that midwives have to prioritise childbirth over pregnancy. That seems a silly divide, but I felt that the divide was there.

If there are problems such as a threatened miscarriage then it is your local EPU you want, not the midwife. And if you need referring on, you need to talk to your GP.

I hope everything settles down very soon.

Madshiplollipop Fri 30-Dec-16 09:24:59

"See a gp "

PberryT Fri 30-Dec-16 09:26:30

Sadly there's not much they can do if it's a miscarriage so tend to let you get on with it.

Do you not have a 12 week scan?

I think your expectations are too high to be honest. In the US they do all that stuff because they can make more money. The NHS has to prioritise resources. A short cervix and small bleed won't really register. I bled from 8 weeks to 18 weeks. Had a scan to confirm there was nothing wrong and then left to get on with it.

MoreGilmoreGirls Fri 30-Dec-16 09:30:25

Hi OP sorry you are going through this you must be v worried. I too had a short cervix and saw a consultant but this was around 20 weeks and all they did was monitor me. Like others have said there's not much they can do at this early stage. Good luck with your scan. I hope all is okflowers

Hollyhop17 Fri 30-Dec-16 09:36:14

Thanks for the supportive messages on here, not so much for the other ones. I do not have high expectations, this is my first pregnancy I have no expectations. Sorry to have bothered you with my trivial complaints.

PotteringAlong Fri 30-Dec-16 09:43:27

No one is saying they are trivial, we're trying to point out that because you happened to be in the USA which is a very money driven, legal system averse form of healthcare, you might now have unrealistic expectations of what is usual in the U.K.

you will have another scan at 12 weeks so next week I assume? You will see a midwife then usually at the hospital. Your community midwife has told you that they will then check you again at 16 weeks at your appointment which will be what? Beginning of Feb? So a month later. There isn't really a lot else they can do. What "proper care" were you expecting?

Madshiplollipop Fri 30-Dec-16 09:44:07

Absolutely not trivial. Keep well and speak to a GP if you are worried.

kirinm Fri 30-Dec-16 09:45:59

Firstly, having had 5 miscarriages you have my sympathy because I know how terrifying bleeding is but you've been scanned and need to take some reassurance from that.

I don't know what care you were expecting though. It's utterly crap but there is not much anyone can do to stop a miscarriage at this stage. The only time I was admitted was when I had an ectopic and when I had surgery after my missed miscarriage. Otherwise I was at home.

In regards to cervix length, have you ever had any treatment for abnormal cells? There's a thread on here for women who have short cervix and many of those posters have had scans specifically to measure the length and determine whether a stitch is needed. If you've had issues with abnormal cells and had a Lletz, you should definitely mention that and fight for a scan - not a reassurance scan.

Becciilouisex3 Fri 30-Dec-16 09:46:02

Some midwives aren't very nice (strange considering their profession) so you may want to ask for another one if she was rude or insulting.

However, it is true that if you experience a miscarriage, during the first trimester especially (I believe it changes at some point during the second) the health care professionals do just basically let it happen because it's believed to be due to genetic defects and there's nothing they can do. It's also not considered to be a threat to your health although they will sometimes admit women who are having a concerning amount of bleeding and pain to ensure the miscarriage is happening "as it should' for want of better phrasing.

I do know that if you do have a bleed, you can sometimes be referred for a reassurance scan. You can also pay to have one of these scans done privately if you'd wish.

Just a side note though, bleeding is always concerning but can be a routine part of a very healthy pregnancy. It's very common to spot or have extremely light bleeding that is sort of brown (although worrying to see I imagine). Any red blood should always be checked out or any blood with paid especially but just to let you know that, despite what the US told you, bleeding doesn't always mean miscarriage and I hope that's the case for you

Marmalade85 Fri 30-Dec-16 09:47:03

Usually they won't even see you here before 12 weeks as miscarriages are so common. Best of luck with your baby

PotteringAlong Fri 30-Dec-16 09:48:20

And just because you would be classed as a high risk pregnancy in the USA (more money) doesn't mean you would be here - I tested positive for group B strep in all 3 pregnancies which in the USA is an automatic c-section because they don't believe you can give birth vaginally safely with it. It's just not true.

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