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BFP-want to be excited but worrying!

(16 Posts)
Candycoatedwaterdrops30 Wed 21-Dec-16 21:31:45

Hi all,
I'm new to this so apologies if going about this the wrong way/using wrong terms!
So... got BFP on hpt today (only a faint line but def visible). DH and I have been ttc our first so we're both really happy at the thought of having a baby. However (at the risk of sounding pathetic and/or stupid) i can't shake a horrible anxiety about possibly miscarrying or something going wrong. I suffer from depression and ocd anyway so my emotions are extra all over the place! I guess I just wanted some reassurance really. Debating looking into getting an early scan but DH thinks I'm being silly. Any tips/advice/positive stories? Thank you x

SarahOoo Wed 21-Dec-16 22:42:37

I can't overly help but my first month was a bit odd for me, late period, feint lines but then period came 5 days later. Month 3 and pregnant and I'm now 24 weeks.

Nothing can really ever take away any worry, if I woke up during the early days and didn't feel sick straight away I'd worry. ultimately it's just better for your own sake and baby's sake to remain as positive as you can. I'm not a fan of early scans and it won't prevent anything bad happening. However only to reassure you for a few days.

Candycoatedwaterdrops30 Wed 21-Dec-16 22:57:14

Sorry to be dim but when u said about first month n getting period late I'm assuming u meant first month ttc (without success?) Congrats on your pregnancy now though! smile

I see what you mean about early scans. I'll just have to try and stay positive (and stop googling things!) At least it's not just me being anxious though so thanks for the reassurance. At this stage it just doesn't quite seem real!

SarahOoo Wed 21-Dec-16 23:23:32

Yes sorry first month of TTC! Second month period arrived as usual and then third month was the lucky one!

Don't google! It's not worth the added stress. We were of a minority who also had increased risk of a chromosomal issue when we had our 12 week scan, I was a little prepared for it just because I read all the booklets they give you but when they tell you your risk is higher you can't prepare for that at all. We had an invasive test which came back clear though, also had an extra heart scan at the 20 week anomaly scan also and that was fine too.

It won't seem real until you see the scan OR you are one of the unlucky ones who gets sickness and a whole host of other pregnancy related crap. I feel I got everything you can possibly think of! However a friend I have, had absolutely no symptoms, no sickness, nothing!

At this early stage I'd stay off the mumsnet threads too. I only found them when we had our increased risk and they helped me loads.

Sparklyuggs Thu 22-Dec-16 08:34:05

Congratulations!

I didn't sleep properly for a good 10 days after my positive hpt, combination of shock that it had finally happened and worry that something could go wrong. I have anxiety and this triggered it.

Miscarriage is at its highest risk in the early stages, but follow the NHS guidelines and there is little else you can do to prevent it. I actually found that quite reassuring that it was beyond my control, and I tried to put aside 15-30 mins a day to sit quietly and breathe/meditate/mindfulness type activity.

I had an early scan at 8w and it did help but I knew having one at 5/6w would not have helped me as I would have wanted another at 7/8w to see the heartbeat anyway. Obviously if you need one because of bleeding etc that's different. Now I feel ok about waiting for the 12w scan.

Symptoms come and go too so try not to get too freaked out if you don't feel sick one day etc but if you need to, speak to your GP or local midwife team.

Lunalovepud Thu 22-Dec-16 09:28:20

Your feelings are completely understandable and please do discuss them with your midwife at your booking appointment (around 6 - 8 weeks) as they should be able to offer you some support to help with your OCD and depression through your pregnancy and after your baby is born.

I had some excellent CBT / ERP for OCD when I was pregnant and it really helped me - I started when I was 3 months pregnant and finished the treatment when I was nearly 6 months pregnant and it really made all the difference.

In terms of early scans, anything that reduces your anxiety is great if you have the funds - depending on where you are in the country there are loads of places that offer scans from about 7 weeks onwards - Ultrasound Direct are local to me and they have been really good.

Good luck with everything.

mistermagpie Thu 22-Dec-16 10:07:37

I don't have depression/anxiety outside of pregnancy, but suffer terrible anxiety when pregnant so completely understand. I literally did about twenty pregnancy tests each time. I can definitely recommend an early scan, I have had two each pregnancy (one an NHS because of a bleed but the rest private) and it is reassuring to see that things are progressing at least. Where i went it was only £40 and was money well spent.

My other advice is to stay away from google, it is not your friend. The people on the internet, although lovely, are not a representative sample of pregnant people. Remember that people with happy, healthy pregnancies with a good outcome do not usually need to post on the internet, so you will see many more people who have sadly not had good outcomes.

Finally, take it one day at a time. Say to yourself, "I am pregnant today" and celebrate that, but don't focus too much on whether you will be pregnant tomorrow or next week or next month, it's too hard.

I have had 'easy' pregnancies from a physical point of view, but pregnancy messes with my mind, and if you already have depression and OCD then definitely raise this with your midwife as they can get you support. Congratulations and best of luck.

Newbie10 Thu 22-Dec-16 10:32:11

I completely understand the anxiety and worry and have been in the same situation myself. I am now 10 weeks + 3 and we had a scan yesterday as we wanted that reassurance that everything was ok so we could relax over Christmas and tell our families. Also because of the weeks our 12 week scan isn't until 13 weeks and I just don't think I could have waited that long. We had a very healthy heartbeat and a wriggler who didn't stop moving on the scan yesterday but I am still a tiny bit anxious, I am not sure that will ever go away. I agree with what others say though, know that there is nothing you can do and you just have to look after yourself. I told my mum very early on and having her to talk to about my worries also helped so perhaps tell someone you are close to other than your partner so you can chat to get it off your chest.

mistermagpie Thu 22-Dec-16 10:44:44

It doesn't go away really, you will always worry.And then whe the baby is born you can worry about it some more! Although my anxiety all but disappeared with the birth of DS (still pregnant with DC#2) so for me it was pretty much entirely about the pregnancy.

Talk to people about it, but most people will just say "what are you worrying about? It will be fine", which i found really dismissive and unhelpful - they don't know it will be fine any more than I do. So I just talk to DH now because he knows where I am coming from.

Candycoatedwaterdrops30 Thu 22-Dec-16 20:52:30

Thank you all for the lovely supportive messages. It's good to know that I'm not alone in feeling like this and have lots of positive ideas to take on board!

I will definitely raise my anxieties with my midwife. Also chatted briefly to Dr on phone today n he was v supportive too, as is DH.

I really like the idea of putting some time aside each day to relax n taking it one day at a time. Easier said than done but I shall make a conscious effort.

Any other advice would be welcomed but thank you all again for taking the time to help out. Its very much appreciated! Wishing you all the best x

ADuckNamedSplash Thu 22-Dec-16 21:50:36

Hello - just wanted to let you know I'm in virtually the same boat! Got my BFP yesterday after TTC our first - I don't have depression, but I do suffer from anxiety. I'm over the moon that I'm pregnant and am getting carried away looking at baby name books, etc - but my period wasn't even due til Christmas Eve and I'm terrified it will be a chemical pregnancy or lead to miscarriage. So can't really help, I'm afraid, but know how you feel!

Have you worked out when your due date will be? Mine's 2 September.

Candycoatedwaterdrops30 Thu 22-Dec-16 23:13:47

Hello ADuckNamedSplash,

This will be our first too. I can definitely identify with what you're saying. I'll be sending positive thought waves to you and OH! smile

According to the NHS website ours is due the 26th August, so literally a week apart!

ADuckNamedSplash Fri 23-Dec-16 07:05:54

Thank you - likewise!

Ah, pretty close, yes! You must be around 5 weeks then? At this point, I think the risk of loss lowers with every day, so you're already doing well.

NeverAShadowOfDoubt Fri 23-Dec-16 07:12:34

What mister said! I'm currently 33 weeks with twins, my first pregnancy, and the anxiety continues every day! Until they are safely in your arms its nothing but worry, and even then I imagine there will likely be plenty to still worry about!! We've had a rough ride during my pregnancy and have not been able to enjoy the experience anyway but even now constantly worrying. I'm booked in for an elcs on 3 Jan (babies both breech confused) and I'm scared shitless! So just to reassure you, you're not alone and it's completely normal.

Ps. Congratulations flowers

Fieldsandgrasses Fri 23-Dec-16 07:14:23

In normal life I'm not really a big worrier but this pregnancy (last one was a MMC) I've turned into a bag of nerves. I'm doing a mindfulness app everyday to help and trying very best not to Google too much.

Archip17 Fri 23-Dec-16 07:49:05

Hi All,

ADuckNamedSplash I'm also due on 2nd! I am over the moon, but I am by nature a worrier!

This is my second, but like you all first time round I was very anxious. I used hypnobirthing CDs from very early on (they aren't just for the birth) which massively helped. And if I started to feel that overwhelmed, anxious closed throat feeling I would go back to the tips and techniques. It really worked for me, and the feelings mainly passed by the first trimester. The CDs were also awesome for the birth itself (I had a very positive birth experience - a water birth).

When worry sets in at the moment I'm trying to remind myself what will be will be, I can only look after myself as best as possible, and try and trust that all will be ok.

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