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18 and have changed my mind about abortion. Advice?

(11 Posts)
Elliechar Wed 21-Dec-16 20:24:43

I decided about a week ago that I was not ready to have a baby, however, I feel like I let what other people were saying to me influence my decision and deep down I knew that I wanted to keep the child.

My boyfriend has been so supportive, and is 20 and says he will support me no matter what I choose to do, however I know he wants to keep the baby.

We could financially make it work, I just know I'm so young, and will have to drop out of uni - or join the open uni so I would be able to be at home with the child whilst my boyfriend is working. My family cannot afford to help me out, but I think however we could still make it work and offer a good life for the child.

I am so scared, and nervous and as of this moment in time my boyfriend does not know that I have changed my mind, neither does my mum and I know she would be very disappointed if I told her I was going to keep it.

Please give me any advice you can, it would be much appreciated.

Thank you

Islacornx Wed 21-Dec-16 20:47:35

Hi, I've PM'd you! Xx

Violetcharlotte Wed 21-Dec-16 20:52:23

I can't really offer any advice, but as a Mum to a soon to be18 year old, I didn't want to read and run. This must be very difficult for you, you're very young and I expect you're feeling very emotional. Whatever you decide won't be easy for you. Do your parents know you're pregnant?

I would suggest taking to someone IRL who you can trust, maybe a tutor at colllege or a counsellor, it's hard for friends and family to offer impartial advice.

At the end of the day though you're going to have to listen to your gut and make a decision based on what you want.

I hope it works out for you whatever you decide flowers

Embra Wed 21-Dec-16 21:36:17

I am not against choice but it's such a wonderful thing to have a child. And you never know what is best . If you have a child now, maybe you can get a year off uni and finish it after you have a baby? It's not going to be easy but it never will. Once you are older you might have other responsibilities and it might get even more difficult. Good luck to you, it's your choice and any decision is going to be fine , it's just my 2c=)

Vikkih89 Wed 21-Dec-16 21:37:25

Hi, It is a big decision either way and a personal one that you should make for yourself and no one else. I got pregnant with my first child at 20 my boyfriend was 19 and at uni 4hours away from us and everything has worked out really well he stuck out uni for the 4 years and has done well in life a so so have I it's been very hard We never had money and neither did my family. Our relationship took a beating but we have got there and have two children and another on the way, i have never regretted it. My sister on the other hand fell pregnant whilst at uni and did have an abortion. She has never regretted and knew from the start how she felt about it and had no doubts. she was not ready. I think you should discuss it with your boyfriend there is so much to think about. Do you have a good relationship with your mum? If so maybe you should discuss it with her as if you are close she knows you better the anyone. My mum knew I would always regret it if I opted not to have my daughter but with my sister my mum knew that was the right decision for her and was very supportive. At the end of it all it is your decision and no one should give you an opinion but just listen to how you feel.

PacificDogwod Wed 21-Dec-16 21:39:01

Of course you can make it work.

You must make the right decision for your - not for your mum, or your boyfriend or anybody else.

Many an unplanned pregnancy has turned in to a much loved child.
Termination of pregnancy can be the right thing to do for many people.

Tell those around you what you have decided you need to do.
Those who truly love you will be by your side and support you x.

SirNiallDementia Wed 21-Dec-16 21:45:06

Can you talk to your uni and see whether they can offer any support?

My uni had an onsite creche and I'm sure some of the students got money towards/ free childcare there. This might allow you to have a year off to have your baby then return to uni afterwards.

Good luck with everything! x

wannabestressfree Wed 21-Dec-16 22:14:38

I went to uni with a baby who is now 19 and at uni himself. Feel free to message if you want to chat x

user1482261465 Wed 21-Dec-16 23:51:09

You have to do what is right for you, other people will get over their feelings and even if they don't it isn't their life it's yours. And if you make the decision to have an abortion to keep other people happy you may end up being the one living with regret. My mum had my sister at 19 and went on to get a degree, I couldn't ask for a better mum so I don't think your age should be the deciding factor. It can only be your decision. Good luck flowers

babyunicornvomit Thu 22-Dec-16 07:53:10


No one else can make the choice for you but just thought I'd give some input. I'm a 3rd year uni student, 20, and am pregnant. I'd never planned to have kids until I was married and in a serious job, but hey ho here we are! After talking it through with my boyfriend we discussed the options and although abortion would be the simple option, it's something we just couldn't go through with. I'm completely pro-choice but for me that would have been the wrong choice. I'm nearly 9 weeks now and despite the nausea and tiredness, I wholeheartedly believe I made the right decision. Please don't jump into a decision you'll regret, which ever that may be. Talk things through with your boyfriend, the doctor, your uni and see what advice they can give. I still haven't told my parents yet either, because I know they'll disapprove. At the end of the day it's about me and my family now, not their opinion of that.

What I'm saying is, don't jump into any decision, but the decision should be all yours and your partners, don't let other people influence it. You'll know what is right when the time comes, and if you do decide to keep the baby all the luck in the world to you! x

lovelearning Thu 22-Dec-16 07:57:36

deep down I knew that I wanted to keep the child.

Elliechar, I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy.

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