Failing miserably at perennial massage :(

[PassTheCake82]

I posted some weeks ago about the idea of using small vibrator for PM as I find it difficult/sore to use my fingers (can't event get a fingertip in - sorry if TMI).

I've also ruled out my OH being involved because I'd like to try keep things like this separate and in any case, him doing it would not make me feel any more relaxed!

Anyway, I have now tried a few times and keep failing miserably. I lie with my knees up and to the side, use oil and the small vibrator and can't seem to even do it that way! I've read countless instructions now and I am still at a loss.

Any tips from anyone? I'm so scared of tearing down there. I've abstained from sex for pretty much 9 months and even during examinations (I have a polyp), I tend to squirm and tense up and therefore find them incredibly painful . I'd like to be prepared as possible for the main event lol!

[Haggisfish]

I don't think it will make much difference. Sorry!

[Fabulosososo]

Google epi-no. There's not as much evidence for it as there is for perineal massage but might be worth looking into

[badg3r]

I found it hard when I got bigger because i couldn't really reach!! I had a second degree tear. It really wasn't bad, I didn't even know if torn until they told me several minutes after DC was born. It was only marginally uncomfortable as it healed (I had stitches), and now all completely back to normal.

The bit that tears has surprisingly little sensation anyway, which I hadn't realised till I had DC.

I guess what I'm trying to say is keep trying but it's not necessarily awful if you do tear.

[Cakescakescakes]

I did it religiously and still had a bad 3rd degree tear so I don't rate it I'm afraid. I would say though that I didnt feel my tear happening. Had no idea it had happened (and I was o kynkn gas and air) until I was told. I had a surgical repair in theatre immediatey after giving birth and had a spinal anaesthetic for that. I took paracetamol and a stronger painkiller from
the hospital for a week and then had some follow up physio appointments a few weeks and months later. My tear healed really well and I have no lasting problems. Went on to have a straightforward second vaginal birth with a small episiotomy. I was terrified of a tear but it was actually manageable so don't worrry too much.

[McBaby]

Never done it had to have an episiotomy with dd1 and no tearing with dd2.

[chloechloe]

Try not to get too hung up about it if you don't manage.

I massaged religiously with DD1 and it was a waste of time as I had to have a CS. I didn't bother second time round - no time with a toddler and I was half expecting another CS. I had a VBAC though with a small tear that didn't need any stitches. Having looked I can't see where it is though and wouldn't have known had the midwife not told me.

[Littlelostdinosaur]

Did it both times andhad no tears. I did ask dh to do it because it was too uncomfortable to stretch myself past my comfort zone. Have you tried ypnovirthing techniques to try and enable you to relax? Marie Mongans book has useful easy techniques which really helped me, and practising during massage was also useful

[PassTheCake82]

Thanks everyone

I haven't had another go yet as I am still a bit put off after my last attempt but your comments regarding tears have helped to reassure me that it might not be so bad.

I do similar relaxation techniques to hypnobirthing but I am not great at switching off and relaxing which is prob half my battle with PM. I'll persevere though. Thank you all again xx

[sj257]

Please try not to worry, I had small tears with both my babies, they were both over 10lb, it was honestly fine, they healed well. I thought about massaging this time, however I'd not even be able to reach lol, I'm huge. X

[mistermagpie]

I didn't do it because by NCT teacher told me there was little evidence it works. I did need an episiotomy but they gave me a local anaesthetic for it and the stitches after and it was fine. It was sore for a few days (but you feel like you have been hit by a truck anyway) but healed well and I had no issues. DS was only 6lb 10 so not particularly big, I think you just tear or need a cut if you need one and if you don't you're just lucky.

[BertieBotts]

Use a birth pool for pain relief. I tore and my NCT teacher was all "But did you do the massage?!" I hadn't, but then I mentioned later that DS was born with his arm around his neck. She looked open mouthed and said "And you only had a small tear?!" She reckoned being in the water had saved me from much worse. I did get out for the actual birth part but was in water for most of labour.

[LittleBearPad]

I really wouldn't worry.

[PotteringAlong]

There's no evidence it works. Honestly, don't worry about it.

[MouseLove]

Old midwives use warm wet flannels on that area when birthing. Might be an option to help when the time comes rather than putting yourself through this now. X

[PassTheCake82]

I'm going to try once again tonight. If it doesn't seem to be happening, I'll leave it at that and focus more on trying to relax instead or at least as much as I can .

I have put down on my notes that I would like to use the birthing pool. However, my SIL also requested this but there were none available at the time. My place has two available so fingers crossed!

Thanks again everyone. It's nice to hear that, even for those who did suffer a tear, things seems to be either back to normal or getting there which is really, really reassuring! THANK YOU

x