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Is it normal to want to kill DH in late pregnancy?

(85 Posts)
Booboobedoo Sun 18-Feb-07 22:15:23

Because I'd gladly swing for mine right now.

He's always been a sensitive, caring, fantastic partner.

But in the last few weeks he's driven me to incandescent rage.

a) I know I'm hormonal and not handling things well.
b) I know he's under pressure with his first child arriving.

But FFS I'm 38 weeks pregnant, could drop any day, and the entire house is covered in crap I'm unable to lift because he thinks DIY is more important than making the house an ok place to bring a baby back to. He leaves me in an uncleanable nightmare and goes off to his nice clean office. Every time I move I bash my foot or my bump.

This has been going on for four weeks now, and every weekend he promises he'll put all the junk into the 'nursery' (hah) so that I can get the rest of the house clean.

Every week he has a lie-in, spends an hour in the bathroom, goes to the park with the dog for an hour, comes back, spends another half-hour in the bathroom, then finally starts faffing around at about 2:30-3:00pm. He works until around 8, then says he's too knackered to move anything into the room and I'll just have to live with it for another week.

Four weeks in a row he's done this.

I finally managed to get him to move everything tonight by having a total raving melt-down: not generally the way I like to sort things out, but needs must.

He's in total bloody denial.


Feel better now.

Bloody men.

Twiglett Sun 18-Feb-07 22:16:06


totally normal

good luck

Twiglett Sun 18-Feb-07 22:16:46

<whispers: it gets worse>

TheArmadillo Sun 18-Feb-07 22:16:47

yep totally normal - I couldn't stand anyone else either

GhostOfMumsnet Sun 18-Feb-07 22:17:59

When I was pregnant with dd1 we had both woken up during the night to go to the toilet. Dh asked me to get him a drink od water. I burst into hysterical tears and pushed myself into the corner of the room. I thought dh was going to stab me as soon as I got down stairs!!!!!

Booboobedoo Sun 18-Feb-07 22:21:20

Twiglett: I'd heard that ugly rumour.

When do you start liking them again?

Jaamy Sun 18-Feb-07 22:22:28

Booboobedoo - IME, It's quite normal to feel this way about your DH at any time!!

It probably won't improve when DC is born either...thoug I hope your DH is different.

However, on a more constructive note, can you get anyone else round to help who could jolly your DH along and who he will feel he has to be seen to be doing something? Like your dad, for example or his dad? Or a mate who already has children? Just a thought.

Hope all goes ok with impending arrival. And don't worry, baby won't notice what state the house is in!

Twiglett Sun 18-Feb-07 22:22:45

I'll make a point to tell you when it happens (DS is 6, DD 2.9 )

morocco Sun 18-Feb-07 22:24:51

oh yes
give it about a year and you might let him near you again
I can never decide whether it's me being more sensitive or dh being driven by some demon to be a total and utter twat.
having said that, he's been really good today

yesterday we did a #trial run# thing to the hospital except he stopped off in town for 10 mins to pick some stuff up etc - you'd have sworn I thought it was the real thing - I could have killed him

Booboobedoo Sun 18-Feb-07 22:26:14


Jaamy: got my Dad over last weekend. It worked to the extent that it's all further along than it otherwise would be, but he keeps thinking up new jobs.

Replacing perfectly good skirting boards was last weeks idea.

Don't care if the house isn't immaculate (it never has been up to this point), but I want a homebirth, and at the moment there's no space to inflate the bleedin' pool (no pun intended).

Booboobedoo Sun 18-Feb-07 22:27:49

Morocco: when my BF was in early labour she went for a walk with her DH to speed things along.

'This is nice' she was thinking. 'We can go to the park and look at the flowers'.

He dragged her into a bike shop and kept her in there for 20 minutes while he looked at cycling accessories.

Jaamy Sun 18-Feb-07 22:29:04

Is he trying to put off the big event? Maybe he thinks that if he's not ready, DC can't arrive! He does know it doesn't work like that, doesn't he?

Booboobedoo Sun 18-Feb-07 22:29:58

I don't know Jaamy.

I just don't know.

He keeps pointing ou how irrational I am (and he's right), but I do wonder about him...

Twiglett Sun 18-Feb-07 22:33:29

you aren't being irrational though, nesting is a pschological and physiological stage of pregnancy that cannot be overcome .. and if dh is dickin' around in/ with the house then he deserves to be shot ...

Booboobedoo Sun 18-Feb-07 22:38:23

So would murder be justifiable then?

He's walking around like a kicked puppy at the moment, having been a grumpy git all day.

The thing is my ploy up until now has been to praise him to the skies whenever he's helpful (which to be fair is quite a lot). Now I can't be arsed. I just feel like he should get on with it.

Think his poor ickle ego is a bit bruised.

Ooh, I'm being a bitch. I love 'im really.

He just needs a kick up the arse.

PippiLangstrump Sun 18-Feb-07 22:41:15

I still want to kill him now sometimes - like today!

like twiglett said - it does get worse...

Booboobedoo Sun 18-Feb-07 22:44:52

Weirdly all these voices of doom have made me feel better. Thank you!

May be able to sleep tonight rather than lying in the dark grinding my teeth.

Suspect I'm quite scary to be around at the mo.

Olihan Sun 18-Feb-07 22:51:16

Ooh, just wait until you're overdue and he's STILL doing it .

In fact, just until you're overdue and he has the temerity to breathe near you. I'm telling you, you'll scare yourself .

Booboobedoo Sun 18-Feb-07 22:54:35

Olihan - I'm already finding myself pretty terrifying.

Before I got knocked up pregnant women always looked so serene to me.

Now I know it's cobblers.

Twiglett Sun 18-Feb-07 22:54:55

wait till the labour ward

DimpledThighs Sun 18-Feb-07 22:56:05

yes - 'tis PMT x a million

Booboobedoo Sun 18-Feb-07 22:59:15

I'm planning a home water birth with the soothing sounds of Radio 4 in the background and lots of candles. (Got a bizarre dream of giving birth to the sound of the shipping forecast).

But I'll probably go 2 weeks overdue and have to be induced and strapped to the bed, stirruped up.

Either way, it's finite.

Another friend was driven to the hospital by her DH - contractions 3 minutes apart. First of all, he went the wrong way and started asking her for directions.

Then when they got there he made her wait for ages while he rooted in the car boot for his snacks.

(She's an MNer actually).

Olihan Sun 18-Feb-07 23:00:28

Oh yes Twig, labour. You can get your revenge for every little, tiny annoying he's ever done and he can NEVER complain about what you did or said because you pushed a baby out of your fanjo! Start writing your list now .

Booboobedoo Sun 18-Feb-07 23:09:48

Must go to bed now. Will start compiling my list in the morning .

Now I've typed out most of my aggression, I shall go and make peace with DH. Never let the sun go down and all that...

boredwithwaitingforminiMOSSY Mon 19-Feb-07 10:34:04

Booboo - ah, the shipping forecast. There's no more soothing sound in the world imo.

"Tyne, Dogger. Northeast 3 or 4. Occasional rain. Moderate or poor." Ahhh, that's lovely. I might see if I can download it to my ipod to take to the birth centre!

Have you ever read a poem called Prayer, by Carol Ann Duffy? Here it is.

But hijack over - onto "bloody men"!

I have to say, my dh has been really good throughout my pgcy. DIY done, looked after me by cooking me healthy stuff instead of my usual crap, picking me up from the station on the way home, that sort of thing.

But oh my goodness he has moaned about it! And if I don't thank my lucky stars every day for bringing me such a caring and amazing dh he goes into a massive sulk! (And then all the kind deeds go out of the window, of course.)

AND, if he has a cob on, and I ask him, "what's wrong?" he immediately says, "nothing!"

And then, if I don't push it, and take him at his word, he accuses me of not caring.

But if I do push it, it takes me forever to tease the reason out of him, and it's normally because he feels hard done by because he's done so much round the house and gets no help or thanks.

Or some other spurious thing which of course I should have known.

And then, then, the other day, came the pièce de résistance. I was talking about the best time to have number two.

"Number two!? The way you've been during this pgcy I don't know if we'll ever have number two!"

Er, what? You mean, nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, working for bleedin' Scrooge & Marley assoc. who were "kind" enough to reduce my hours to 42 during the last month here, money worries that have only just been solved, is that what you mean when you say "the way I've been"? Because frankly given all that I think I've been relatively sanguine!

Oh I suppose he isn't that bad. There are far worse dh/dp's out there. But Booboo, thanks for giving me the opportunity to have a rant and get it off my chest!

"Rockall, Malin, Hebrides. Southwest gale 8 to storm 10, veering west, severe gale 9 to violent storm 11. Rain, then squally showers. Poor, becoming moderate"... and relax!

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