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Pregnant - coping with this choice? Help

(44 Posts)
peachmilk Sat 17-Dec-16 16:12:22

My boyfriend and I were previously trying - but a few months back went to a fertility clinic. Everything was fine, and it made us question if we wanted a baby right now. We then decided to wait until Feb 2017 before trying again.

We recently have dedicated our time to travels. We charter a flight for day trips, or we go for a few weeks, country-crawling our way through Europe or visiting as many states in America as possible.

We were away in Paris for a day trip two days ago. The next day, I found out I was pregnant. It seems pointless to not have this baby, but start trying in a few months. At the same time, we are having a hard time giving up our new found passion (and all the money we invested into private charter companies, hotels and so on) without feeling any resentment.

My partner is 33 and I'm 20, and although I'm young, I don't feel like I would miss any "freedom" because I'll still have it when the baby is born.

PotteringAlong Sat 17-Dec-16 16:14:59

At least you didn't have to carry your own bags, eh?

PsychedelicRaccoon Sat 17-Dec-16 16:20:10

I don't think you should have an abortion, just to try again in a couple of months... confused

Barefootcontessa84 Sat 17-Dec-16 16:23:08

Stick with the private jets and diamond shoes if I were you.

PatriciaHolm Sat 17-Dec-16 16:40:29

And your question is?

darceybussell Sat 17-Dec-16 16:44:32


raviolidreaming Sat 17-Dec-16 16:44:40

We're going to charter a separate plane for our baby so he doesn't cramp our style. I wouldn't bother getting out of bed for a day in Paris though - you can do that with Easy Jet so it's a bit mundane for my taste.

ConvincingLiar Sat 17-Dec-16 16:44:57

If you can afford to charter a plane, you can afford nannies day and night.

peachmilk Sat 17-Dec-16 16:47:41

We know we can have nannies, but it is a lot of pressure and I really don't want to screw anything up

AprilLoveJ Sat 17-Dec-16 16:49:40

She's already planned the nannies. That's why she knows she will still have her 'freedom'. Poor kid, size of a bean and already causing resentment.

I pray this isn't real. If it is, well, now or Feb 2017 you aren't ready to be a parent.

peachmilk Sat 17-Dec-16 16:58:59

April; you're a bitter woman. I was nanny-raised, there isn't a single thing wrong with a mother getting assistance. Entire communities raise children in other parts of the world.

The baby isn't causing resentment between each other, it's a personal resentment of giving up a new found joy. Many parents feel resentment towards their children at some point, it doesn't mean they don't love their child.

I'm sure there hasn't been a single day you wish you had a hand, or could chat with a friend, go out for dinner or take an hour-long bath? No hobbies you've cut down on? Seeing friends slightly less?


wowbutter Sat 17-Dec-16 17:02:55

My main thought it how long were you trying before going to a clinic?
You are only twenty, did you start trying at 18?

(If you did, I kinda judge your partner, a 31 year old with a barely adult girl? Eugh.)

Essentially, you are up the spout now, so you have six months to carry on charting planes and then you can settle down to have the baby. Once it's a bit bigger the nanny can keep it and you can go back to travelling the world. Easy.

peachmilk Sat 17-Dec-16 17:07:08

Wowbutter, thanks for laying things out like that. It makes me realise I'm only putting my passions on pause, not giving them up.

I've been trying for about a year, we have had fertility issues in the past (partner had very low sperm count) so I'm scared of going through the emotional turmoil again.

SamanthaBrique Sat 17-Dec-16 17:08:49

How long have you been with your partner OP? 20 is rather young to be worrying about children and fertility issues.

FellOutOfBed2wice Sat 17-Dec-16 17:29:46

I think that if you would have an abortion to only try again in a few months then you aren't mature enough to be having a baby really. I would give this serious thought.

LauraK1987 Sat 17-Dec-16 17:38:04

Bloody hell!! Some judgemental comments here.

You answered your own question really....a baby is something you and your partner obviously wanted as you were previously trying and went to the trouble of going to a clinic. Realistically we're talking the difference of two months aren't we? And there is absolutely nothing stopping you from continuing to travel in those two months and another 6months after that! If you were to have a termination and start trying again early next year think how you might feel if you have fertility issues again or it takes you a really long time? I think you're panicking slightly that you will have to give lots up when in reality it isn't like that which I think you already know. I think age is irrelevant, if you're in a loving and committed relationship and can support your baby (which it sounds like you can) then don't worry what people say about the age thing. As for having a nanny?! I'd kill for one some days haha and so would every mum even if they don't care to admit it!

I genuinely think you're having a wobble because of the shock etc talk things through with your partner and give it a few weeks im sure you will have come round then (I'm pregnant with number two...very much planned and it was still a shock when I got the two lines!) do what's right for you and your partner, it's up to no-one else to judge.

sweetchilli77 Sat 17-Dec-16 19:30:54

There judgemental because her last post was verging on the side of ridiculous. It was almost like it was a bullshit story tale about private jets and such shite.....

QueenoftheAndals Sat 17-Dec-16 19:31:58

Is this a wind-up?

knorrig Sat 17-Dec-16 19:35:07

Definite wind up 😴

WellErrr Sat 17-Dec-16 19:38:13

Have the embryo transferred into a surrogate and stick to the private jet.

Then (once you've found a wet nurse and nanny, of course), you can just visit once a year. Perfect!

On a side note, how long have you been with your boyfriend? 20 is very young to have been trying long enough to warrant going to the fertility clinic.

MouseLove Sat 17-Dec-16 21:50:36

Haven't you posted about this before??? About not having to carry your own bags. Please this forum is filled with women who are having very serious trouble conceiving, terrible pregnancies, late loses, early miscarriages and dealing with parent related depression. If this is a genuine worry for you, you are not ready to be a parent. You are pregnant, relax and enjoy this little miracle and please stop being selfish. Good luck.

peachmilk Sat 17-Dec-16 23:46:56

These questions are caring, I'm considering their future and everything that I want to be able to give them.

GinIsIn Sun 18-Dec-16 03:19:59

You are considering their future by not wanting to compromise your new-found passion for luxury travel...? Right. Ok. I suspect this thread will be deleted as your last one was, but you really need to get a sense of priorities. hmm

876TaylorMade Sun 18-Dec-16 03:52:00

You need to stop inhaling the jet fumes dear.

PrincessConsuelaTheSecond Sun 18-Dec-16 10:09:33


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