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Can't get excited about being pregnant after miscarriage

(15 Posts)
FEJ2016 Thu 15-Dec-16 16:12:16

Hi ladies,
I know I'm not the only one here who has been through this sort of thing; on the 10th October I miscarried at 6 1/2 weeks. It was my first pregnancy and I was devastated but pretty determined to keep trying and after one period I appear to be pregnant again. The thing is first time it was wonderful and this time it's just terrifying. I preface everything with 'if' and I'm so scared it'll happen again. I don't want to tell anyone in my family and it's coming up to Christmas Day so me not drinking is going to stick out a mile. Do any of you have any tips that will help me be less anxious and just go with the flow more? I can't seem to clear this knot in my stomach fconfused

FEJ2016 Thu 15-Dec-16 16:14:22

Also can anyone tell me if they got pregnant again quite soon like I did and everything was ok?

arbrighton Thu 15-Dec-16 16:38:43

A friend miscarried last year at about six weeks. She has a healthy 3 month old now. Fell pregnant again pretty quickly.

It's natural to be anxious. You could try some guided meditation like headspace- I'm the biggest cynic around but am finding that helps massively with my anxiety, especially since GP and I agreed I should come off antidepressants now that I'm pregnant

Notyetthere Thu 15-Dec-16 17:17:22

I miscarried on 23rd September. I then got another BFP on about 18/19th October without a period in between. I am currently measuring 11+5. I have started to feel calmer since having a scan. A mc takes away your innocence and I found it difficult to enjoy this pregnancy but as the days go on, I am starting to believe that things might be alright this time. SIL had a mc at about 8wks and she is now cuddling her 9 month beautiful bundle of joy.

Helspopje Thu 15-Dec-16 17:27:42

Unfortunately I think many people who haven't experienced pregnancy loss either directly or via a friend or family member have little idea about it. Many who have become acutely aware of what could go wrong in subsequent pregnancies which does dampen the joy somewhat. It lessens but never really goes away.

Scans which other people find an exciting time to see the baby are now potential times to discover problems.

I had a late loss and a few early ones and apparently looked very shocked when the next infant I delivered was actually alive. I think I expected him to be dead on delivery the whole pregnancy. Am pregnant again and have delayed getting all the gubbins out of the loft as long as possible as I'm not yet convinced that this pregnancy will produce a live baby either - though at 34wks, I should probably get on with some baby prep......

Be kind to yourself. Early losses are unfortunately very common and unless they are recurrent or part of a wider issue rarely mean that future pregnancies are similarly at risk. Feel free to kick people who say stupid trite things like 'it was probably for the best, they were probably damaged' and 'we'll it wasn't really a baby yet' in the chops from me. I wish I'd been together enough at the time to do it myself.

Macauley Thu 15-Dec-16 17:30:15

I mc at 11 weeks in Feb was pregnant again by April. I was really anxious during first trimester. I just took everyday one day at a time and got through it that way. I also had an early scan so used all my scans and appointments as milestones.

I've felt less anxious since my 20 week scan. Also once you feel baby moving and kicking you don't feel as anxious.

I felt like you too more anxious than excited at the start but I've got that excited feeling back again smile

MoonlightMojitos Thu 15-Dec-16 17:50:59

Sorry for your loss sad. I mc in July at 7 weeks and got a BFP again in September and am now 16 weeks and everything going fine. Fx for you, it's a lot more common for this one to be OK than to be unfortunate again. I don't have any tips for not worrying sorry, this has been the most anxious 3 and a bit months of my life. There is great support on here though!

LottieL Thu 15-Dec-16 17:56:37

I miscarried in April and got a BFP in June (after one cycle as mine was 6 weeks long after loss). 28 weeks gone tomorrow 🙂
Things will improve. The early days of this pregnancy. I remember telling my husband I was pregnant again and he was silent for a while then very tentatively said, "That's good, isn't it...?" He just couldn't work out whether he was ready to jump on the rollercoaster again. Every time I went to the loo he'd ask if everything was OK and we spent so many evenings hoping, praying it was going to be ok. Things got easier (after a bleed and subsequent scans be ok) and once we saw the heartbeat we knew we stood a chance. Every week up to the 12 week mark was great, then we started to relax a little.
Loss takes away the joy and the innocence of the earlier weeks but it won't kill the tremendous happiness that comes later, when you feel movement, when you find out the sex.
Sorry for waffling, and I wish you the very best 🙂

UnicornPee Thu 15-Dec-16 19:05:43

I had a MC in May at 8 weeks.
I got pregnant quite quickly after and I'm now 26 weeks.
I've found I've been on edge a lot expecting something to happen but actually all is well so far smile

MissClarke86 Thu 15-Dec-16 19:08:35

I miscarried in March. Waited a few months. Got pregnant again but it was a chemical. Got pregnant again and I'm now 28 weeks and have had a (touch wood) smooth ride so far smile

One miscarriage really doesn't signal a problem, but it does take the innocent joy out of the first trimester. Your 12 week scan will help calm the anxiety and odds of a miscarriage drastically reduce then.

Hope it goes well for you.

jpeg28 Thu 15-Dec-16 20:03:38

I miscarried in March, got pregnant again end of July/beginning of August. I was the same, kept saying 'if' all the time and for the first three months I was convinced I would lose the baby again. I'm 22+2 now and all going well! Hope all is ok for you X

FEJ2016 Thu 15-Dec-16 23:51:28

Wow thank you ladies for all your kind words. Your stories given me real hope smile
I've worked up enough courage now to book my doctors appointment and get the ball rolling again. Fingers crossed! Xx

AprilShowers16 Thu 15-Dec-16 23:58:40

I miscarried last year, got pregnant again 2 months later and currently battling to get a grumpy baby to sleep.

Completely understand how you feel though and I felt the same, the timing was similar and I was pregnant over Xmas and didn't want to tell anyone. I think a few people guessed but thankfully didn't ask me - I think they knew I wasn't ready to tell anyone. I was anxious a lot and it took a long time to actually believe I would get a baby at the end. Just take it one day at a time and one milestone at a time. The majority of women who have miscarriages have successful pregnancies the second time so it will probably all be fine, it is sad to lose that innocence of excitement of being pregnant you have the first time and I was sad that I couldn't have that excitement and joy in the first few weeks but I also felt that the experience helped me to understand and support women who'd had miscarriages and be able to empathise more with them.

PassTheCake82 Fri 16-Dec-16 01:52:02

I had a mc in March and fell pregnant again v quickly (no period between). I'm now 37wks. As soon as I had my 12 week scan I started to panic about my 20 wk scan. After that I startled to worry about movement....in short, I think we will always worry. My friend who is 10 days apart went public with her announcement and was keen to chat about him/her at 16 weeks whereas I couldn't. The one thing I did find helpful though was telling people like my midwife

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 16-Dec-16 01:55:41

Hi OP, I had a MC on 1st Sept, by 22nd September I was pregnant again and my almost 18 month old DD is fast asleep next door as we speak smile

I know how you feel, but it will get easier for you as time goes on

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