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I'm so sad :(

(22 Posts)
bumperlicious Sun 18-Feb-07 15:28:42

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel very sad, and anxious. There are just so many changes ahead, I don't know if I want them to happen or how I'm going to manage them. Everyone keeps saying "you must be so excited" why don't I feel it. And then they say "well, you'll have a baby at the end of all this" and at the moment I just don't see that as a plus point. I am starting to understand people who remain childless. But I planned this baby. What's wrong with me? And please someone tell me it will go away when I've had the baby. What if I don't want it then? I'm a bad wife and a bad mother-to-be.

princessmel Sun 18-Feb-07 15:32:34

Don't worry bumperlicious, you're hormones are all over the place. There's nothing wrong with you.

Its such a huge change that you're bound to be feeling all kinds of things. I too worried over silly things like not going to be able to have lie ins any more or not to be able to just go out for dinner at the drop of a hat.

Of course you can do these things again, it just takes a bit of time and more planning.

A baby is so amazing that these thoughts will go away when they are born if not before.

Have you anyone you can talk to about this???

monkeymonkeymoomoo Sun 18-Feb-07 15:32:56

Aww poor you. Think everyone feels like that at points, all to do with the raging hormones! I fell pregnant after fertility treatment and still wondered if I had done the right thing, I adore my DD and don't regret a thing

It should pass, but if the feelings persist talk to your MW - ante-natal depression is not uncommon.

BTW how many weeks are you?

motherinferior Sun 18-Feb-07 15:33:30

Sweetie, you're scared because it is scary. Your entire life is going to change. And some of those changes are, in the short term, quite hard to deal with.

But I can also tell you, having been through it twice, that lots of those changes are totally lovely.

wheelsonthebus Sun 18-Feb-07 15:34:26

about one in 10 mums is reckoned to suffer from depression in pregnancy. this website is useful..www.depression-in-pregnancy.org.uk. you are not alone. ignore people who say 'you'll hv a baby at the end of it'; you will get to where you want to be - mentally if not so much physically - in yr own time.

motherinferior Sun 18-Feb-07 15:36:28

Yes, I agree with that.

I did find the first part difficult. It is often very difficult. But as I say, now I look at my children - most of the time - with great delight.

littlelapin Sun 18-Feb-07 15:38:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lissielou Sun 18-Feb-07 15:38:29

agree with motherinferior. totally understandable, everyone feels like this i had nightmares thruout my pg and at times HATED this (in ashamed to say) parasite. but it does pass and you will feel better about it

wheelsonthebus Sun 18-Feb-07 15:40:19

it is sometimes helfpul to know you can buy in help to look after yr child - even if you never do!

bumperlicious Sun 18-Feb-07 15:42:23

I'm 23 weeks and have felt like this since the beginning. Talking to other people isn't a problem that I have. In fact I tell people more than they really want to hear when they ask how I'm doing. My colleagues all think I'm a lunatic and a whinger and I feel like I'm driving my friends away with my constant low moods and mood swings.I just think if I have to take anti-depressants that I will feel like such a failure, that I couldn't do it on my own. I never in a million years thought I would be like this in pregnancy. I was so looking forward to it.

lissielou Sun 18-Feb-07 15:46:01

dhs cousin had severe AND and since lo popped out shes been fine. who cares what other people want to hear. you aregoing thru a massive change, not them. motherhood does change you and thats scary

littlelapin Sun 18-Feb-07 15:47:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

divastropwantstodrop Sun 18-Feb-07 16:55:43

are you on an ante-natal thread on here?i have found the support and empathy ive recieved from other women on here at the same stage of pregnancy has been brilliant.

the worse thing about the 2nd trimester IME is all the books and magazines(and even some other pregnant women)claim its supposed to be the best part of pregnancy,you are meant to 'glow' and 'bloom'etc,whereas i felt awful,i couldnt get any clothes to fit me,and i knew the end was nowhere near(i still feel like the end is nowhere near even though its only 2 weeks 3 days till my induction date).

alot of people have said to me 'at least you get a baby at the end of it',yeah,the only good bits of pregnancy are the conception and the birth as far as im concerned

all i can say wrt how you feel about the baby,is ive been through AND twice before(possibly 4 times but it wasnt recognised in my first 2 pregnancies)and as soon as i'd given birth i suddenly felt like myself again.i still had ups and downs cos of all the hormonal changes but i wasnt atall depressed as i was in pregnancy,and i loved my lo's straight away.

bumperlicious Sun 18-Feb-07 17:02:02

Thanks diva, yeah, I'm the one who reinstated the AND thread, but I think because of the title only people who are feeling sad go on there, and I don't want to make them feel worse. Plus, a lot of them seem to have genuine problems, so I just feel like I'm being a whiner. I guess I just wanted to hear from other people that the way I'm feeling is normal, or if not normal, at least that there is some hope that I will come out the other side...

bobblehead Sun 18-Feb-07 18:38:17

Bumperlicious I felt this way when pg with dd, although I don't think the feeling really hit me until I was around 32 weeks and giving up work became imminent. I just kept myself busy and tried to put things out of my mind. I didn't think in terms of "having a baby", just that I was pregnant and going to stay that way!
After dd arrived I was very emotional and cried alot, but I'd settled down within a month or so- I was just too tired to think about it and loved dd more than anything! Getting out and meeting other mums was the best thing I did as I made new friends and soon got into a new routine.
For me I think the feeling of being out of control of the situation and not knowing what to come was the worst. I simply couldn't imagine how much life was going to change and it scared me so much. I'm not a huge fan of change! Things will get better and you will be a great mother, just keep being open about your feelings, especially if they don't change after the birth.

bumperlicious Sun 18-Feb-07 20:38:45

Thanks for all the support. I'm off for a week now, and won't be near a computer, just in case you interpret any further silence from me as having gone off the rails! I will just (hopefully) be enjoying a few nights in the Lake Disctrict.

littlelapin Sun 18-Feb-07 20:48:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollyandalice Sun 18-Feb-07 21:49:49

Hope you have a lovely time in the Lake District bump!! Hope the time off work makes you feel more relaxed. Once you go on maternity leave you might feel better. The stress of work and being pg at the same time is sometimes too much to handle. I've found this pregnancy much easier than the last one and I think that's partly due to not being completely stressed every day with work. I was an emotional wreck last time. I cried all the time, was constantly sick and my hair fell out in clumps to the point of having balds spots. It was awful. Maybe you should speak to your doctor and see if you can get signed off work for a week or so. It may help you relax. Hope this helps and remember we in the June ante natal thread are always here for you! ((((hugs)))) xx

MrsHarry Mon 19-Feb-07 16:25:31

My DH went on a ski trip for 4 days last week....normally, even tho I'd know I was going to miss him, I'd be relishing having some time and the house to myself.

Ha, not whilst 5 mths pregnant...I was convinced the car was going to crash on the way to the airport...he phoned me when he arrived. Then I was convinced the plane was going to crash...again, phoned me when he landed. Then there was the treacherous drive over snowy, windy, narrow mountain roads...OMG, I was insane for the whole time he was away.

I tortured myself with scenarios of having to go through rest of pregnancy alone, bringing up baby alone, baby never knowing its father etc etc. How flippin' neurotic can one woman get!!! I can definitely do without hormones thank you very much...

divastropwantstodrop Tue 20-Feb-07 20:36:45

ive only just read your last post..where in the lakes did you go?i live near the lake district(near not in,im not rich lol).hope you have a relaxing break.

melbournemum Wed 21-Feb-07 02:31:14

i had lots of middle of the night panics with 'what have we done', I'm so not ready for this', i love our lives just as they are etc etc but the second our ds1 came along I just fell in love and would not have life without him and ds2 for a second. don't feel bad because you are apprehensive, its normal and it will pass. Just be kind to yourself and let yourself feel what you feel, don't let anyone tell you what you 'should' be feeling. If that makes any sense....

bumperlicious Fri 23-Feb-07 17:59:38

Hi all
I'm back, and have been having MN withdrawal symptoms! Feeling a bit better, but didn't sleep v well while away which I think just exacerbates everything. Decided that am going to the GP next week and if she offers me ADs I'm going to take them and see how it goes.
Thanks for all of your supoortive messages.
Diva, I saw your post about being unwell, hope you get your induction. We were staying near patterdale in Ullswater. It was lovely to get away and beautiful scenery, just wish I'd slept better. I had a vision of going back to work looking all refreshed and glowing and shiney haired etc etc. and everyone commenting on how the break must have done me good! Instead I'm going to be cowering under the duvet monday morning saying 'please don't make me go back!'
Thanks for everything though. Apologies for being so melancholy and self-induldgent!

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