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How soon should we invite parents to stay?

(10 Posts)
ThePartyArtist Thu 24-Nov-16 15:09:45

Just wondered what others' experiences are of having family to visit after the birth?

My parents live about 6 hours away. They are very aware that they don't want to overcrowd us when the baby first arrives; but also that they want to be able to offer support. As they live so far away, they'll really need to come and stay when they come to see the baby, and it makes sense to come for a good few days to make the long journey worth it. They have asked us to tell them when we want them so that they don't overcrowd us. They are very aware that we need time to settle into doing things our way, and are being very sensitive about it.

The thing is, I really have NO idea how soon we'll want them there - what are others' experiences? They wouldn't need hosting per se, e.g. would be willing to do the cooking and not need 'entertaining'. I'm just not sure what we are likely to want when the time comes!

ThatStewie Thu 24-Nov-16 15:12:17

I'd keep it open. You may find you want them to visit the next day or a few weeks later. There's no hard and fast rule. Just what works best for your family.

MouseLove Thu 24-Nov-16 15:36:09

My friend had her parents come visit when her DH went back to work a few weeks after the birth. It eased her into being completely alone with the baby. As it was her first she found it fantastic. Her MiL then came to stay for a few days even though she lived much more local. And that was another big help.

kikisdelivery Thu 24-Nov-16 15:59:23

I can't offer any previous experience as this is my DC1, but we are in a similar situation (OH's folks are abroad so would need to stay) and we are going to let them know that we would like a couple of weeks to settle into being parents, first, before having staying guests. Obviously daytime visitors are more than welcome (so if they went and stayed with one of his siblings instead, and visited in the day, that's fine) but I think we'll need a bit of adjusting time.

Like you, I'm not 100% sure on how I'll feel at the time, but I'm basing this off the fact that when they mentioned staying it made me feel a bit edgy (!!) despite the fact I know they'd be willing to help and wouldn't expect to be hosted. I think basically, becoming parents ourselves is such a huge change to us that I'm erring on the side of caution with sleeping-over guests in this case.

chloechloe Thu 24-Nov-16 18:39:08

It sounds like you have nice and considerate parents - I would simply say that you'll let them know once the baby is here. It's impossible to know beforehand as there are so many variables - when the baby comes, how your labour is, whether you have a CS etc etc. My PIL rocked up to stay uninvited the second the baby was born by EMCS which I was not happy about. Fortunately they had the sense to leave the day I was discharged so we could get on with being a family. My mother (who lives abroad) came over 2 weeks later when DH went back to work. Her experience was a big help even though she didn't do anything around the house to help.

SpotTheDuck Thu 24-Nov-16 18:52:01

I'd plan on them visiting when your DH returns to work, so you have their help and company at that stage. But it sounds like they're supportive and sensitive to your needs - so for now you could just say you're not sure when you'll feel up to visitors or need help, but can they wait for you to call and ask them to come?

Trifleorbust Thu 24-Nov-16 20:00:56

Telling them once the baby is here is all very well, but will they need to book time off work?

Bawbles Thu 24-Nov-16 20:01:52

When dh returns to work sounds nice as you'll get a couple of weeks just you three then have the extra help of parents

SerialReJoiner Thu 24-Nov-16 20:06:43

For me, at least a month. We had the in-laws come stay only for a day or two after dd was born, and I felt completely claustrophobic. They are nice enough people, but I didn't really like having company when I was establishing breastfeeding, still bleeding, and trying to get my post-birth digestion back on track. It was all too much.

I'm quite introverted at the best of times, however.

7SunshineSeven7 Thu 24-Nov-16 20:10:20

I would also say after your husband has returned to work. But I wouldn't make any solid plans until the baby is here. You don't know how long you'll feel like crap for. Some people bounce right back, some people are still massively exhausted etc months later.

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