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Why am I not excited about having a baby?

(10 Posts)
yazminkett1 Mon 21-Nov-16 19:54:55

I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant and I'm finding it difficult to be excited about the fast approaching birth of my daughter.
My partner left me after I become pregnant, saying that he wasn't ready to be a family and is now deployed in Kenya. (In the British Army).
I also found out I have placenta previa, which is causing me to bleed almost daily.
Everyone around me is getting more and more excited, but to me it still doesn't feel real. I can't even imagine having a child. If it wasn't for my Mum, I wouldn't even have any baby things yet. I love babies!... but I can't bring myself to think of her as a person who need possessions.
I feel like such a horrible person! I feel her move, I know she's in there. People talk about loving their unborn children and I can't even think of her as a person.
Please say this will change. I really want to be a good Mother to her.

Saku Tue 22-Nov-16 00:45:56

Think it is a silver line in your life surrounded by dark clouds....... God always want to give you happiness when you are gloomy..
God has thought everything for you......... dont see her as burden.. she is coming to your life to bring happiness and joy.. accept it with your both hands.. and with heart full of love.. because she is coming for you ..from you..
you look in pregnancy depression... Please talk to your midwife about it and support .. even if you dont want to disclose your Identity .. there are some midwifes (numbers easily found online).. who can give you support... just you need to take a little step towards it.. just ring their number.. thats it

BonesyBones Tue 22-Nov-16 01:13:01

If you're worried about not feeling anything then you're not a bad parent (or almost-parent). You're worried because you care.

Please talk to your midwife, feeling like this is unbelievably common and is not necessarily a reflection of how you will feel when the baby is born. Even if you do continue to feel like this, there is support available.

For context I was incredibly excited about having DS1, was totally in love with this tiny human growing inside of me, then after his birth I instantly felt the complete opposite. I suffered terribly with postnatal depression and don't think I really felt a proper maternal love for him for around 4/5 years. It was a very slow process but all turned out well in the end smile

With DS2 I couldn't even register I was pregnant until I was in labour, completely ignored it, bought only the bare minimum in baby things. Funnily enough it all flipped around again when he was born and I couldn't bear to be without him. Wouldn't put him down for hours at a time, woke to every single squeak through the night etc.

How you feel now does not dictate how you will feel after birth, but worrying about your baby, or even that you may not be ready/suitable for them indicates that you do have protective feelings towards them already. Pregnancy is long and tiring. The excitement you're expecting may still come.

The most important thing is to vocalise your feelings and help yourself to understand them. Make sure you have someone (midwife, mum, a friend etc.) to support you and listen to you.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

ConvincingLiar Tue 22-Nov-16 07:22:40

You've had a tough time recently, it's no wonder you're not excited. I expect you may well feel different when the baby arrives, that's she it becomes real.

INeedNewShoes Tue 22-Nov-16 07:30:17

It is very common to feel like this during pregnancy. It is not that you are a 'horrible person'!

You've got a lot going on... bleeding daily probably means you have low-level worry about the pregnancy daily as you're constantly reminded.

Your relationship situation is not what you would have imagined.

I'm 15 weeks pregnant and I do not feel excited (despite having fertility treatment to get pregnant). For me this is because I'm a worry wart and won't believe I'll have a baby until I see one! Its also slight denial because my finances are going to be tricky once the baby arrives so I'm burying my head in the sand about that. I've also battled hormones in this pregnancy that have made me feel a bit depressed.

Do talk to your midwife. She'll have heard this loads of times and may have something useful to say, or at least will know that you need a bit of support on this side of things.

Cguk81 Tue 22-Nov-16 07:36:32

Please don't worry. This is normal and lots of people feel this way. The fact that you are even worrying about it enough to post on here indicates that you are going to be a super mum and that you do care. Don't put any pressure on yourself to feel the 'right' way. You've had a lot to deal with with a break up and the previa,both stressful things so it's to be expected that you are not bursting with the joys of spring but that doesn't mean you don't care. Just wait and see how how you feel when baby arrives. I'm sure you will do just great.

SharkBastard Tue 22-Nov-16 07:57:45

I felt just like you when pregnant with DD 9 years ago, I literally could write your post word for word.

9 years later and my DD is the best thing that happened to me. I was alone during the pregnancy, and her father has never met her. I didn't buy anything baby related, but the moment they handed her to me, I've never felt anything but love for her.

It's hard to love someone you've never met, or even imagine what they look like, but I bet the moment you lay eyes on her you'll go "oh, hello, it's you, I've been waiting for you"

I'm now 18 weeks pregnant with number 2, happily married and my DH is the best dad my DD could ask for.

You will love her, I have every confidence in you!

bluelilies Tue 22-Nov-16 08:03:37

I think you answered your own question. You're not excited because it doesn't seem real yet. But it will!! A real life warm, cuddly baby feels very, very real. And it may also start to feel a bit more real as you get bigger and can feel the baby moving more clearly, but I don't think you need to beat yourself up about not"loving" a bump. You can only ever love an imaginary baby at your stage - you haven't met your baby yet.

And I don't think I owned any baby stuff so 25 weeks with my first, so sounds like you're ahead of the game there.

neonrainbow Tue 22-Nov-16 08:15:09

Im 26 weeks pg and still in my head, i don't really believe I'm pregnant. Babies happen to other people. I'm feeling really overwhelmed and i havent got half the stuff you have to deal with. It's feeling more real now i can feel them move and of course i want them but I'm also scared of the massive life change and worried that I'm just being naive and burying my head in the sand. It doesnt help at all that so many people are falling over themselves to tell me how hard is going to be.

AcademicNerd Tue 22-Nov-16 10:59:11

Do you spend much time with babies? I've recently held a six week old and a toddler, both the same gender of baby I'm having, and that made it feel very real. Particularly the crying and the getting spat up on! The little one fell asleep on my shoulder, which was the best.

Try searching online for mums/bumps/baby clubs in your area.

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