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Every bloody weekend my dad asks if I can have my sister

35 replies

MummytoLeoX · 19/11/2016 10:53

AIBU? I'm 39 weeks pregnant now 40 on Monday and I'm EXHAUSTED! My half sister texts me every weekend saying "dad says are you doing anything today because he's going out and I can't go" BEARING IN MIND she has a mother she could stay at her house. My dad has her every weekend but ends up going out in the evening! I had her stay last weekend and she annoys me I can't cope she plays videos on her phone while I'm sleeping asks if we can order a takeaway or if we can get some sweets and food from the shop and watch a film. I took her to cinema last week Saturday and had a KFC then the next day we had a pizza my dad didn't collect her until 9PM on Sunday. My dad didn't even give her a penny to bring so I paid for everything I'm not rich! I'm only on maternity allowance. Not to mention the mess she leaves in my bedroom constantly on her phone face timing her friends.
If I say to my dad oh I'm abit tired this weekend or something he will take it as I'm being stuck up and don't want to see my sister.
What can I say? I haven't replied to her text yet she's 13.

OP posts:

Report

AyeAmarok · 19/11/2016 10:54

"Sorry sis, already have plans".

That's all you need to say.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 19/11/2016 10:57

Exactly as Aye says. You don't have to explain or justify anything. She is not your problem. It was lovely of you to have her last weekend.

SausageSoda · 19/11/2016 10:57

I would just respond back with no, sorry can't do today.

Will your dad carry on doing this when your baby is born?

Ouriana · 19/11/2016 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SealSong · 19/11/2016 11:02

I feel sorry for your sister stuck in the middle of this, she is only 13.
You need to speak directly to your Dad, be more forceful with him. Set clear limits around the amount of time you are prepared to offer your sister, then you might be able to enjoy what time you do spend with her.
It must be hard for her if she is getting the message that her Dad doesn't want to spend time with her.

MummytoLeoX · 19/11/2016 11:04

Lol you made that sound so easy!
my dad will think I'm being a stuck up bitch now but oh well.
I really hope not sausage! I don't understand why he has her on the weekend and then goes out anyway to be honest.
X

OP posts:

wobblywonderwoman · 19/11/2016 11:07

Totally agree with responses. You may as well do it now as you won't have the same freedom in a couple of weeks. You have been more than good. Put yourself first

MummytoLeoX · 19/11/2016 11:08

There is no explaining to my dad he won't let my sister go to her mums on the weekend but will happily have her go somewhere else and go out for the night. They seem to play some kind of game since they have split up all very long and confusing.
I've text her back she said my dad is letting her stay home alone now I feel bad x

OP posts:

SausageSoda · 19/11/2016 11:12

I can understand why you feel bad but it's misplaced guilt - it's your dad that should
Be feeling bad.

ijustwannadance · 19/11/2016 11:13

Get on the bloody phone to your dad and tell him to grow the fuck up and be a parent! Is he actually working or going the pub? Tell him you are about to have a baby and need to rest and prepare and if he doesn't want to look after his child at a weekend then she should stay at her mum's.

Aderyn2016 · 19/11/2016 11:13

Tell the lazy bastard to look after his own child. He only has her at the weekend anyway. Poor kid - she must know that he doesn't really want her.

AyeAmarok · 19/11/2016 11:15

Not. Your. Problem.

Honestly OP, you're about to have a baby! Like, potentially literally about to says me, jealously, at over 41 weeks.

You need to break this cycle and take care of your own responsibilities first and foremost. That's you and your baby. You won't be able to look after her every weekend anymore, so you need to draw a line under it.

Don't be bullied or manipulated by your dad. He is in the wrong, not you.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 19/11/2016 11:17

Thinking you're a stuck up bitch? He can fuck right off. It's him who's the self-entitled neglectful twat.

If he asks when can she next come over just say "oh I'll let you know" or "I haven't made that decision yet" - you do not have to dance to his tune.

MummytoLeoX · 19/11/2016 11:17

He plays cricket and there having some dinner and awards event but he's been to three in past three weeks so I'm not sure whether he's just talking crap.

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Imbroglio · 19/11/2016 11:17

I feel really sad for your half-sister.

Right now you need to look after yourself. Explain to your sister that you are tired and need to rest. As for your Dad - well, words fail me! The way he treats you both is incredibly selfish.

Maybe later you can invite her over for short periods but only have her stay for longer than a few hours if she pitches in and helps. Perhaps you could even ask her over specifically to help you and then build her self-esteem by showing your appreciation.

And no more takeaways etc - it's fine to say you can't afford it!

DurhamDurham · 19/11/2016 11:19

It's definitely not your problem, you should've be expected to have her all the time, but I really feel sorry for your sister. She must realise her dad is 'too busy' to spend time with her and she sees you as an ally and someone she can have fun with. I think you need to sit down and talk to your dad, you need to do this so that you don't feel resentful of your sister.
The noise and mess you mention is entirely normal for a thirteen year old.......however this should be for your dad to deal with not you.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/11/2016 11:19

Any man who calls his own daughter a 'stuck up bitch' isn't worth a second thought.

I'd reply and say 'I'll have such lovely stories to tell your grandchild about what a wonderful dad you are. 'He called me a stuck up bitch, I'll say, and neglected your aunt. Well done dad on your achievements in life.'

klassy · 19/11/2016 11:24

No offence but that's incredibly incredibly shitty of your dad, what an arsehole.

I don't know the legalities here - she's thirteen, can she choose yet not to go to her dad's house? You could also tell her to tell her mum?

AyeAmarok · 19/11/2016 11:24

Even aside from the fact this is not your problem and he's a prick whose unreasonable opinions shouldn't matter a jot to you...

Practically, she could come round, you might go into labour and need to go to the hospital, and then she'll be on her own anyway.

BratFarrarsPony · 19/11/2016 11:26

Your dad would call you a 'stuck up bitch' - did I get that right?

MummytoLeoX · 19/11/2016 11:26

No I agree it's my dad's fault this is how he messes all his kids up by playing a game. He use to leave me for hours on end at his friends house who I never knew when I was little while he went up the betting shop all day when I could of just gone back to my mums. My sister thinks the world of him at the moment as he buys her things but she will soon learn when she's grown up that he's not such a saint!

OP posts:

MummytoLeoX · 19/11/2016 11:29

Yes he will see it as I'm being funny and stuck up. I mentioned it to him last time he came round and he went Ah well your always welcome round my house anytime I wouldn't tell you to go home. This is when he turned up with my sister at 10 at night and I went mad because I had her the weekend before that.

OP posts:

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EweAreHere · 19/11/2016 11:30

He calls you a stuck up bitch for not jumping when he asks you to do his job, parenting his child?

Sorry, no.

I feel for your sister, but dad needs to be a dad and do his own parenting. He can hire a babysitter if he wants to go out occasionally when he's the parent in charge.

You have yourself and your own family to look after.

MummytoLeoX · 19/11/2016 11:31

Klassy-She doesn't like to stay at her mums because there in a hostel at the moment and have no internet.

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Grumpyoldblonde · 19/11/2016 11:31

Sounds like your dad is going to end up a very lonely old man if he carries on like this, your sister is at the age when she will soon be out with her friends and refuse to go to her dad.
I feel for her and for you, fuck him calling you stuck up, he is a crap parent.

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