OH's family(11 Posts)
Sorry in advance this is going to be a bit of a ranting thread!
I've only just found out I'm pregnant (7 weeks) & my OH wanted me to tell his mother I was pregnant as my mam knows, I was hesitant about this but took his view into account.
So after telling her she's sending OH messages about moving back near her over 50 miles away from my family, she is non stop mentioning about baby sitting which I'm not comfortable with baby being that far away from me, no signal in the area and the house is freezing (very old cottage in the middle of nowhere).
OH won't tell her to back off and seems to somewhat agree with her but at the end of the day it was our decision to get pregnant and Ive made it clear it won't be anyone else's responsibility but ours.
My parents on the other hand are so relaxed, excited yes but not fantasising up things this early on.
Sorry for the rant just need to offload
Just smile and ignore. You don't have to move and it's up to you when and whether she babysits.
You'll probably end up wanting her to babysit ! You don't have to move, I think she's just excited / trying to be nice. She can always come to yours to see baby congratulations!
Do NOT get wound up.
I did about things that hadn't transpired and were completely out of my control and it turned into crippling anxiety.
Your baby your rulez Hun ().
Really though, stop. Right now. Refocus your energy on something productive.
I can imagine my Mil being like this, if/when we have dc, me and dh stayed in our uni town about 1hr30 away and she refuses to drive on a motorway, I had to listen to her complaining about sil and bil moving from 25mins to 40mins away with THEIR gc so not sure how she'd feel about us, I still think she expects dh to return home soon. Smile, nod and ignore, and ask innocently why would you move away from your lovely family
It's just noise. BUT make sure your oh knows your feelings and make sure he's not going to be a push over!!!
I agree with this advice. Just be 100% clear with your OH you have zero intention of moving away from your family. If she brings it up with you, be 100% clear about that as well. The rest of it is just noise.
My DH is annoyed that I don't want both his mum and my mom both staying with us at the same time immediately after the birth-- when his mum heard my mom was going to over she invited herself to stay. I don't understand how he doesn't understand that I won't want a houseful of people that soon after the baby comes while we are still landing on our feet.
He isn't the one that will be sweating like a pig (to get out the excess fluids I'm told), bleeding heavily, leaking breast milk, having a hormonal crash while trying to learn how to nurse and take care of a baby.
Sounds like my MIL. When I pointed out that I wouldn't want to leave my job her reply was 'but you can just get another job'
She also likes to say how much she'll miss out on with HER grandchild.
I try to be understanding but we see a lot of her already and she's only 2 hours away, it's not like it's a plane ride.
You have my sympathies OP
You're really going to need to learn to relax, smile, make some non committal "hmmm" kind of noise, and ignore.
Otherwise it's going to be a loooooong pregnancy.
Honestly, just laugh. I remember getting so worked up when I was pregnant with my dd and my mil was insisting she 'needed to be the favourite grandma'. And when dd was newborn and mil kept going on about wanting to have her on her own and insisting on pushing the pram. Then I remembered, I could just say no! So I did. A lot, until I was ready to say yes. With your mil, make it clear to your oh that you have no intention of moving house. But, with all of the other stuff, practise saying 'Thanks for the offer, I'll let you know when I'm ready for baby to stay away from home'. I didn't let dd stay away until we went to a wedding when she was 18 months old. Now at 5 she stays more frequently. About 5 times a year with my parents and once or twice with the ils (their choice) and I feel completely fine with it. When she was tiny the thought of her staying elsewhere was traumatic. Now she's bigger it's quite nice to let them have that time together. As pp have said, no one can force you.
Thanks all for your support.
I'm going to have to be firm with her I think, we're both relatively young parents (early 20's) but I want us to raise our child the way we want and I have a feeling if OH's mum isn't put in her place she will try and take over/dictate what to do.
Thanks for the support and guidance really has helped to offload! X
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