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AIBU that I'm freaked out by MIL & FIL

(58 Posts)
user1473539918 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:09:01

Hey! So I am just over 3 months pregnant, all new and exciting all be it slightly over whelming being my first time and first experience.
My SIL is also pregnant, due before me.
So our in laws have naturally been excited about the arrival of their first grandchildren.
HOWEVER....I feel they have taken it to the extreme....I am new to this, first child, and newly pregnant but I am put off by going to their house or even spending time with them as I feel totally over bared by them at the moment:....basically they have turned their spare room into a nursery. Crib, wardrobe, changing station. Clothes in kitchen in the corner the this normal....I feel like they expect our children to be staying there all the time. They want to buy their own pushchair, car seat, everything. I feel it's totally OTT? Am I being hormonal and dramatic? I haven't seen the room only been told about it but I don't feel I even want to see it!! How do I deal with this, I don't know what to do or say. I obviously can't avoid it forever, and probably lucky that my SIL is due before me so she can deal with it first but any advice!! TIA

NapQueen Sun 06-Nov-16 22:10:20

Fuck me that is weird.

I'd be texting sil and trying to present a united front.

Or asking the in laws "are you expecting to"

NapQueen Sun 06-Nov-16 22:10:28


Cosmicglitterghoul Sun 06-Nov-16 22:13:13

It is quite OTT, but having stuff at another place you visit is pretty useful. It doesn't mean they expect you over all the time-unless they've hinted at it. Some people enjoy buying stuff.

DirectorofDomesticLogistics Sun 06-Nov-16 22:14:34

Congratulations! That does sound very OTT yes! But are they close with their DD/ your SIL? Perhaps its mainly for that grandchild (not saying yours would be ignored) but as it will be born first & from their direct daughter perhaps that goes a little way to explaining it? Still hugely OTT though!

user1473539918 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:15:16

SIL finds it as weird as me...they have told her they have brought her gifts....towels, baby converse....but they are in their nursery and haven't been given to her!! WTF!!!

Yoarchie Sun 06-Nov-16 22:16:55

Is your sil their dd or dil? If she is dil and you're another dil then the pil's behaviour is fucking scary. If sil is their dd, has she perhaps asked for help/suggested GPs may be doing childcare?

user1473539918 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:17:11

No not their DD, they have 2 sons....possible empty nest syndrome!! Oh yeah don't get me wrong I think yes it is handy to have stuff at another house, change of clothes, travel cot but not a fully decorated nursery??

ummizoomi Sun 06-Nov-16 22:21:22

That's beyond weird. Sounds like they r preparing for their second chance at being grandparents.

Stay away!!!!! Keep your baby away from these weirdos

darceybussell Sun 06-Nov-16 22:22:08

My in laws were a bit like this too OP, but not to quite the same extent. At one point DH said to his mum, 'you do realise this isn't your baby don't you?' - didn't go down so well!

Wombletor Sun 06-Nov-16 22:22:13

They are obviously very enthusiastic! I would happily swap your in laws for mine, who are disinterested, rarely visit, and don't have a toy in their house. Don't let their enthusiasm bother you too much, I'm sure months down the line you will see the benefit of having in laws who want to help.

Love51 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:27:07

Just be glad Sil is also due - it might take the pressure off you. I dont have much insight to their behaviour, but as a mum of a kid ridiculously close in age to it's cousin, beware that every decision you and dh make about your child can be interpreted as a commentary on sils decisions. We've made pretty similar decisions broadly, but not identical!
Ps leave the baby when you are ready. I was really late to be 'ready' but I don't regret it!

Dixiechick17 Sun 06-Nov-16 22:40:19

My parents have a proper nursery for my DD, they only have her occasionally overnight, but for me it's nice that she has her own room when we stay there, and handy not to lug everything accross. My mum doesn't have specific things that srr only for her house though, I just sent a few bits over there to stay for when DD is there. I think I'd find it weird if it was my mil, not sure why, maybe because in general I am possibly less tolerant of my in-laws.

haveacupoftea Sun 06-Nov-16 22:53:57

I think they sound really sweet!

Ayeok Sun 06-Nov-16 23:03:10

I think they sound lovely. Why shouldn't they enjoy their first grandchildren and the whole build up to the births? This thread and most of the responses seem very snarky to me. They're grandparents not child catchers ffs.

ThinkOfTheMice Sun 06-Nov-16 23:09:19

My parents have a pushchair and car seat, masses of books/toys etc, high chair, bath, travel cot...

But... they have very healthy boundaries and live back in the uk so when we fly over it's really useful for us. They've never overstepped boundaries, never expected to have him overnight and are respectful of us as parents.

It's not the stuff itself that's a problem- it IS a problem if they are expecting you to leave dc with them when you don't want to.
Now is the time to talk to your dh and discuss what you are and aren't happy with. If you think they will push for overnights very young and you don't want that for example .

Mil on the other hand doesn't even provide a cup for ds, and expects us to bring jarred food for him (which he won't eat) as she refuses to cook without kilos of salt in everything. I know where we feel most welcome....

Anyway. Talk to dh. Set your boundaries. Be united. Breastfeeding conveniently allows you to not be separated ;)

bloodyteenagers Sun 06-Nov-16 23:11:45

How far do you live from them?

LuluJakey1 Sun 06-Nov-16 23:16:02

Mine live 21/2 hours away and have a cot and a pushchair and toys and books for when we go down there. DS loves it. MIL said yesterday they are going to have a bed for him now he is coming up to 2 and I am pregnant again. I think it is really kind of them.

AmeliaJack Sun 06-Nov-16 23:19:58

Just remember regardless of what they buy - you don't have to leave your child there overnight if you don't want to.

ManaFleet Sun 06-Nov-16 23:20:13

Feels very OTT to me. It may well be that they're demonstrating their willingness to be totally involved and as helpful as possible, but... it would make me uncomfortable.

LilQueenie Sun 06-Nov-16 23:21:25

my own mum did this right down to the pram and personalised wall decorations in the room. Kept asking when she would get DD on her own. told me not to worry if DD started calling her mum..... we are now NC.

panad317 Sun 06-Nov-16 23:22:47

This happened to me with our first, SIL is MIL's daughter so slighty different.
I thought she was absolutely crazy!! Until I appreciated her efforts so much. DD loves staying there, and because MIL has everything there I don't have to worry about anything when she stays over. She bought a travel cot, bedding, clothes, high chaif, bouncer, toys, travel system etc. It's lovely having a MIL who likes to be involved, IMO. It definitely makes our lives so much easier.

My2centsworth Sun 06-Nov-16 23:27:51

My mother did this when DN was born. Stairgares, travel cot, baby chair, car seats. She has 16 grandchildren now and all of the stuff has been used hundreds of times between them and she is not one ever for taken over GC, she just did it to be helpful so there is another side to this. if your DPIL are actually of the overbearing GP side be thankful that DSIL will bear the brunt

LubiLooLoo Sun 06-Nov-16 23:29:38

Yes it is OTT, you must feel so over whelmed, they are spending too much money and they probably won't need half of it.., but try to step back a little and realise how lovely it is they are so excited for you and how much they are going to love the new arrivals! Plus it'll make you visits to see them a breeze! Our car is always jammed with baby stuff!

Waterlemon Sun 06-Nov-16 23:34:07

My mum was/is like this. My brothers partner was also pregnant at the same time as me and their baby was born 6 weeks before our DC. although it's bloody annoying at times, it's far more difficult to be the dil than the dd of over bearing grandparents!

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