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(18 Posts)
12300a Thu 03-Nov-16 09:44:19

So I'm struggling to get things done around the house, and have had pains in my side last night so after work I came home and made dinner as usual.

*Five months pregnant. Ftm.
Anyway, my other half started getting in the way and clearing up around me. I said leave the washing up I'll do it in the morning and got into bed. He then asks for a drink (when he's still in the bedroom and I'm now in bed) so I said surely that makes more sense for you to make it?

So then he went into one and called me a lazy c** and then a fat c, and that nobody wants a fat c (I have literally started showing today and felt like crap about it). So I started crying because I'm bloody exhausted and he just said oh it's your hormones again isn't it and then went to sleep!

He needs to understand that I can't do everything anymore! Any ideas on what to do? I'm still so angry this morning. He's not usually like this.

Please don't be mean, I'm not full of confidence as it is sad xx

ScrubbedPine Thu 03-Nov-16 09:49:30

Why would anyone be mean? Poor OP, I think you're so used to living inside a verbally abusive relationships dynamic, you're expecting abuse from complete strangers who have no reason to feel anything other than sympathy towards you.

What alarms me about your post is his temper and verbal abusiveness, as much as the expectation that a pregnant woman who is in bed will get up and make him a drink even though he's still up and about. Abuse often starts and worsens in pregnancy. Is he usually like this? Do you already have children together? Are you feeling physically at risk?

12300a Thu 03-Nov-16 09:52:52

No no he's never touched me, I don't think he ever would. I'm pretty certain he never would.

No, he has his moments like in any relationship but last night he didn't even say sorry.

This is our first child, we've been together for 3 years xx

Pooky77 Thu 03-Nov-16 10:05:39

Would this be normal for your relationship that you cook tea, clean up and then fetch him drinks when he asks?

I just ask because it seems like you do everything house related and then for him also, which even when not pregnant is way too much.

I couldn't imagine being spoken to like that, i'm currently 5.5 months pregnant and yes the hormones make it tougher but even without them i would have been incredibly hurt by what he said and i totally understand your anger. It's terrible that he has said these things and made you feel this way.

Trifleorbust Thu 03-Nov-16 10:32:37

No excuse for using language like that towards anyone else. Abusive. I would be telling him to pack or packing for him.

ScrubbedPine Thu 03-Nov-16 10:36:34

He sounds awful, OP. Leaving aside the horrific verbal abuse for a moment, is this a normal snapshot of your domestic arrangements - you rushing home from work to cook and then cleaning up afterwards and being expected to provide drinks on demand? What does he contribute to the household? Have you talked about how you will divide care of your baby after it's born?

Jodie1982 Thu 03-Nov-16 10:59:02

He sounds like a right horrible git.
Expecting you to get out of bed to fetch a drink!! Calling you fat this n that as well!! Omg.....well my DP would be out the door if he did that.

85476466la Thu 03-Nov-16 11:02:05

We both work full time, sometimes he has private jobs on his one or two days off. It's the normal for me to get home and make dinner and clean up etc. It's also the normal for me to get home before him and sort the place out so it's reasonable. I used to do it because it makes him happy. Then after a few years I just felt like shit and unappreciated and lost momentum.

Guess you are more eager to do something when you feel valued.

Baby was a surprise. Best thing in the world for me. She's amazing and I haven't even met her yet. But my first trimester was awful like sick everywhere and I couldn't do everything anymore. Infact I could barely do anything. So he had to start doing things. He doesn't directly moan but it's awkward when he's running round with the hoover and I'm sat on the sofa.

We haven't got money issues. We both have good jobs. He still hasn't said sorry, he can't see what he's done wrong and it's my fault.

I'm just exhausted xx

85476466la Thu 03-Nov-16 11:02:33

Oops name changed.. it's still me. X

EsmesBees Thu 03-Nov-16 11:11:15

You might want to post about this on relationships. There are a lot of wise posters over there who have experience in these matters. My advise is that it's only going to get tougher once the baby is here, and you need to think about whether someone who calls you names like that and doesn't apologise has your best interests at heart.

Pooky77 Thu 03-Nov-16 11:30:37

OP i can understand your comment, it's certainly nice to feel appreciated but do you really want to be appreciated for your contribution to the housework as opposed to being an appreciated partner? It sounds to me at the moment he has no appreciation for you or how you are feeling.

I also understand the feeling awkward when partner is doing something and you are not, i felt this way too before being pregnant as in our home it's very much a joint effort to keep things tidy. This however has all changed since i became pregnant and i now have no qualms about doing essentially nothing while DH does it all.

Pregnancy is a short time in the grand scheme of things and if he can't pull his weight in these 9 months how is the rest of your life together going to be? I hope he can see how unreasonable he is being and i hope you get a very much deserved apology. In the mean time you take it easy and do not feel guilty about that, you are growing a human it's bloody tiring!

85476466la Thu 03-Nov-16 11:32:20

Thanks everyone, have posted in relationships too as recommended. I really appreciate your help and honesty xxx

user1477282676 Thu 03-Nov-16 11:32:37

shock Sorry OP...this is not ok and you need to think about leaving. You can't have a man like that around a child! It's NOT OK!

Why was he asking you for a drink like he's a toddler? Does he always do that?

manhowdy Thu 03-Nov-16 14:25:46


OP if you need someone to come round and help you bury his body, I will be there in a heartbeat.

If my boyfriend ever called me a cunt or indeed got even slightly upset that I wouldn't make him a drink, it would be the end.

AmeliaJack Thu 03-Nov-16 14:33:21

So your partner asked his exhausted pregnant DP to get out of bed to get him a drink?


I'd have laughed in his face.

He isn't a child and you aren't his servant.

You need to have a proper discussion about this when you are calm. Otherwise it's only going to get worse once you have the baby.

TheLegendOfBeans Thu 03-Nov-16 14:39:20

I'm actually flabbergasted.

Maybe I'm naive but nobody should have to put up with that sort of treatment.

You know all posters are going to come back with different flavours of "LTB", right?

haveacupoftea Thu 03-Nov-16 19:37:00

You and your girl deserve so much better sad

drinkyourmilk Thu 03-Nov-16 19:43:51

I'm almost 5 months pregnant and have also felt terrible and been so I'll I'm taking medication. For comparison my husband has taken over all domestic chores. I've not had to do a thing. I'm feeling a bit better this week so have cooked. He has told me to just take it slowly.
That is the treatment you should have been getting. If my husband asked me get him a drink sometimes I will, sometimes I won't. I do the same to him. We just joke around and see what we can get away with.
If he ever spoke to me like that he could go move back in with his parents quite frankly.
Be careful. Abuse often escalates in pregnancy.

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